[Mountaindewed]

I've just eaten normally today. Well kind of. I made some potatos but only ate half of them. I shared a regular size Jimmy Johns sandwhich with my mom. Then I drank about 8 of the 12oz of my soda. Idk. It wasn't restricting, just intutive I guess.

[emily1890]

I am eating dry crackers again

currently they seem to be the only thing I actually enjoy- and they aren't even that filling

[Mountaindewed]

I skipped dinner but besides that I was fine.

To be honest though I'm not even sure what happened today. I ate a pot pie at 1AM and then not much else after. So maybe I didnr do that good.

[Buffy01]

I found out that pasta is putting weight on me.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I found out that pasta is putting weight on me.

You are choosing to eat the pasta. Pasta itself can not cause weight gain.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

You are choosing to eat the pasta. Pasta itself can not cause weight gain.

Bucatini used to call to my mother from the cupboard!

[shovelhead]

Haven't been able to exercise for months now. My dog hurt my shoulder pulling on leash. He ran & tried to chase a stray cat. Dog pulled something in my shoulder area really bad. But I never let go of leash! No animals were harmed! But I sure was..

Sent from my 100011885 using Tapatalk

[emily1890]

I am not getting full.

something's gotta give soon, I am starving

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

You are choosing to eat the pasta. Pasta itself can not cause weight gain.

My doctor recommended that I stop eating pasta like spaghetti and ramen noodles because of the high cholesterol.

[MuddyBoots]

Back to my peanut butter, yogurt, and spinach diet.

[MuddyBoots]

Been taking as much food from pantries I can get and pretty much cleaning out the cabinets when I go to someone's place and b/p'ing. But that stops today. At this point, I've been around the block enough to know I can control my actions, and regular healthy meals with enough protein and some fat will keep me from binging, which will keep me from purging.

In the words of Taylor Swift, "I just wanted you to know that this is me trying."

[MuddyBoots]

Oh God, my clothes don't fit anymore. I've been in boxers and jammies for I don't know a month and before that it was sweats and a (tank top+hoodie combo so I haven't really tried my regular underwear/jeans/t-shirts since December when I was at the height of my restriction, and, they are FAR from fitting. I don't even think the next size up will fit. I haven't restricted or purged in about a week (binged though), but the ED mindset combo of (TW: thoughts that might instigate behaviors)

Possible trigger:

low-self esteem, never being good enough for this world, feeling out of control (more later*), feeling guilty/needy/gluttonous/disgusting after eating, kinda like feel small (unimportant)->be small, and thinking I'm a lazy, unfit, fatass that needs to get it together.

*But the out of control feelings man. Not sure if I have to report that I'm not in a shelter anymore or have a place I'm pretty consistently staying to the gov't because I did say I was homeless back in January and they upped my social security (I don't get because that means I stopped paying rent???) I'm seeing Chica get abused by her bf. Big one is having a partner, realizing they're a favorite person, and dealing with that cycle of idealizing them, fearing the abandonment and looking for any slights, devaluing them, "testing them" to see if they'll counter derogatory stuff I say about myself or if they'll reach out if I don't talk to them for a while, and then repeat that cycle. Idk why I do this to myself.

Part of bulimia recovery too is separating the addictions of binging and purging, and having to work on not purging first because that is straight up self-harm that makes you feel like it's okay to binge because of it's "compensatory" nature. I've heard of some people continuing to binge for like a year after stopping purging, not because they want to, just because it takes as long as it takes to work on the two aspects.

[Mountaindewed]

I started this diet pill yesterday but I also stoped my stomach med that was making me hungry. So all I want now is healthy stuff and I cleaned out my pantry last night and just left the tuna and canned beans and vegetables and rice and oatmeal and nuts.

I don't know what my therapist will say. This place is pretty anti diet but also I'm not throwing up anymore from being on crap meds and eating a crap diet

I think their anti diet in a kinda toxic way tbh. Just from what I've observed.

If I don't eat the 4oz of turkey I had planned for dinner then I'd be considered restricting today.

[MuddyBoots]

Legitimately thought I was going to die after my last purging episode. I really dehydrated myself and messed up my electrolytes. I felt sooooo messed up falling asleep and woke up with spasms, a headache, never really woke up, and was super foggy. And I had a 12 mile walk. Stopped for some food and had a power aid which didn’t help but when I got there I had a Gatorade and felt better.

[MuddyBoots]

I’m sick of people talking about and asking about food, and what I’m eating/if I’m eating/what I want to eat. Idk what my roommate said, but for the past two weeks my partner keeps saying “I can’t wait to cook for you. What do you want?” And my roommate I met at my lowest weight and now I eat in front of her and she says “I’m so happy to see you eating!” and I try to explain im eating TOO much but she says shyt like “no, no, no. You’re skinny, you need to eat. Im the one that needs to stop eating.” That’s not how this works! I haven’t told her, but I can’t imagine she’s so clueless to not know I am spending 30min- 3hours a day in HER BATHROOM puking my brains out.

Im at another friend’s place now and the first thing she asks is “are you hungry?” And I said no, and she asks “have you been eating alright?”

Ughhh when I was living with my mom she knew I was purging and restricting and binging and she gave no shyts. Yeah, she made fun of me when I turned junk down, but I think that was more out of jealousy because I had the control to not eat giant chocolate bars constantly and she didn’t. And now I don’t.

[Mountaindewed]

I'm on the diet pill and the probiotic. So my appetite is down. I was puking a lot when I got up. I had some noodles and then a can of soda which gave me really bad heartburn and then after that I took a Pepcid which took care of things. Then I drank 2 cans of coffee for breakfast. Which were only 8oz each. And they both came up despite the Pepcid half an hour ago.

So basically everything I ate since 2:30 I threw up.

[Mountaindewed]

I cut back on my diet pill because my appetite is really down today. Idk if its med side effects or GI side effects. I ordered a bunch of protein bars so I can get something inside of me. I restricted today but not really on purpose. I had a goal I just didn't make it.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm going to try and stop purging first and hopefully binging will follow suit. Or at least lessen it. I'm going to gain a crap ton of weight; I know this, but hopefully I'll totally stop binging because I won't allow myself any sort of "compensation." Right now it's: binge-purge-binge-purge-binge-purge-pass out-wake up feeling like crap every night I don't drink. But maybe not purging won't let me spend hours a night in that cycle since I'm "not allowed" to keep eating. I will work on meal planning that will actually keep me from wanting food--especially "trigger snacks"--before bed. And I actually fall asleep and wake up at a decent time.

[Mountaindewed]

I'm kinda restricting today but I'm also legit not hungry either.

[Buffy01]

I am over eating