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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
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#1
I can't stand it I can't stand it I can't stand it.
No puedo comer. Thanksgiving. ****. S wants me to partake. I already had some yogurt at 2am so I don't want to eat anymore today. This is so ****ing frustrating. WHY CAN'T THEY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE? __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 37,911
(SuperPoster!)
8 9,374 hugs
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#2
I lost a few pounds overnight but I think its because of the other medical stuff I have going on. Although my therapist will scream ED, I'm sure.
__________________ I'm Blue |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,956
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,982 hugs
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#3
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() __________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 37,911
(SuperPoster!)
8 9,374 hugs
given ![]() |
#4
Apparently the pictures I take everyday is unhealthy body checking and not progress pictures. At least according to something I read on Reddit.
__________________ I'm Blue |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
given ![]() |
#5
Thanksgiving ****ing sucked! It turned into binging, which turned into purging and cutting. I tried the self care thing my therapist always says when I'm going into difficult situations (take out, dinners, etc) but I was literally purging in the shower and self harming listening to music so I need better ways to self care.
--- edit: I'M GONNA GET BETTTER!!! Next week. It's gonna start with a banana. Half a banana. In a smoothie. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] Last edited by MuddyBoots; Nov 24, 2023 at 04:34 AM.. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,956
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,982 hugs
given ![]() |
#6
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() __________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
given ![]() |
#7
You know what?
I don't want to get better. I enjoy this sick ****.
Possible trigger:
How ****ed up is that? __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2023
Location: the world
Posts: 488
1 49 hugs
given |
#8
Tonight I'm meant to be having takeout, and I've said to myself all day I won't eat anything until it comes so I can feel hungry when it arrives- I've just eaten an entire chocolate Toblerone So..
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
given ![]() |
#9
Like, all of these... __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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![]() Buffy01
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![]() unaluna
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
given ![]() |
#10
Meal planning was sooo freaking stressful last night and I'm not going to lie there were some curses flying and tears crying, and I'm not happy with how many calories are in my day but I think it'll prevent any binging and it'll raise my blood sugar a little so here's hoping.
__________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 37,911
(SuperPoster!)
8 9,374 hugs
given ![]() |
#11
I'm listening to this historian on CNN go on and on and its making me really want an iced latte. And I'm wondering if its because when I was a kid and I would listen to historians on school trips it was also boring and all I could think about was lunch.
So idk. Maybe I just gave myself some dumb free cbt **** or something. __________________ I'm Blue |
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![]() unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,565
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13 67.9k hugs
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#12
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,956
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,982 hugs
given ![]() |
#13
__________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
given ![]() |
#14
No prob.
--- I am terrified if I have A FOURTH ALL NIGHTER IN THE PAST WEEK I'm god. No. Binging. Cringing. Splurging on purging. Like yer first hit o' crack. Like fresh tracks. Like howling at the moon with the coyotes. They're all over. Aawoooooohhhhhhhhhing with the owls. Making friends with the insomniac bears and myself. Eat or be eaten? I've been chewed at my whole life mofos. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 37,911
(SuperPoster!)
8 9,374 hugs
given ![]() |
#15
I'm getting told by health care people what a healthy BMI is for me. But my mom and my therapist tell me that is too much and I would look sick at even the top end of a normal BMI. My mom texted me "you don't want to look like Elliot Whatshisname." I get I don't need to lose a ton.
__________________ I'm Blue |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
given ![]() |
#16
I just want to know if I should go to the eating disorder clinic I don't want to be police or have to open up or think about everything or eat on camera, but I don't want to have to continue having panic attacks at grocery stores and being grouchy grouchy after meals and purging after a bowl of cheerios.
__________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
given ![]() |
#17
I toook like 50 lorazepam over the past 3 days and now I can't remember if I ate anything or not and it's really freaking me out. I think I just had some nuts and that's why I'm crying because I didn't WANT nuts but I don't remember eating them.
I think I really need to go to this EDC __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 37,911
(SuperPoster!)
8 9,374 hugs
given ![]() |
#18
I woke up every couple hours last night and every time I woke up I weighed myself. That went on from 9PM-7AM. I never did get to the number I want to get to.
I've been eating a lot of celery sticks lately. They do work if you lie to yourself hard enough. __________________ I'm Blue |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
given ![]() |
#19
Okay it was "only 28mg" of lorazepam. Fk meal planning. I also found low calorie instant breakfasts so I think I'm just going to live off of those.
__________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] Last edited by MuddyBoots; Dec 03, 2023 at 12:09 AM.. |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
given ![]() |
#20
I know I sound like a broken record but I am so done with crying in the kitchen and panicking at the grocery store and then eating one thing and saying "fk it I failed" and binging, and feeling power hungry is sooo not me, and I need to give up control and take on freedom and I feel like this eating disorder is some sort of entity CONTROLLING ME just making me suffer and watching me and laughing at me and I'm his puppet.
__________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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