 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
 |
|
advertisement
Forums Index
|
| Reply |
| Thread Tools | Display Modes |
|
|
Forums Index
|
| Reply |
| Thread Tools | Display Modes |
|
Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,142
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,848 hugs
given 
|
Dec 03, 2023 at 12:37 AM
#1
Title basically
I know this is all eating disorder stuff. I get hungry and think "I don't want to eat that." "I can't eat that" "That's disgusting" "I'm not good e nough for that." etc Then I eat and think "I'm disgusting" "my insides are gross now" "I need to get this out ASAP." and this is all ****ing day all day long there is literally no other thoguhts sorry for the typos Im shaking like a motherright now __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
|
 Reply With Quote
|
|
Legendary
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,497
(SuperPoster!)
21 7,517 hugs
given
|
Dec 03, 2023 at 10:16 AM
#2
Muddyboots, for me it was a combination of therapy and meds. Part of the therapy was learning I control my thought, not the other way around.
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,142
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,848 hugs
given
|
Dec 03, 2023 at 11:38 AM
#3
But it's like there are 7 people in my head and they all have their own thoughts and they're constantly fighting and I don't know who to listen to because some of them are good and sweet and some are good but aggressive and some are just aggressive but powerful and fun to be, etc and I don't feel like I have control over who I am so how do I control that? Therapy has never helped and ive been in for 10 yrs
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2021
Location: Georgia (USA)
Posts: 2,621
(SuperPoster!)
3 11.7k hugs
given |
Dec 03, 2023 at 02:22 PM
#4
For me, it was figuring out where those thoughts originated and why I felt offing myself was the answer.
When I realized it had to do with all the negative messaging from my abusive family of origin, I decided it was not the answer. They'd already done enough damage and I'd be damned if I gave them that (my life). I've been in therapy for 30 years now, and still wrestle with those thoughts from time to time. When they get too intense I ask my therapist to help me through it. 
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,142
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,848 hugs
given
|
Dec 03, 2023 at 02:35 PM
#5
I want to clarify I do *NOT* want to cmmit suicide outright.
I want to take adderall laced with fentanlyl I want to eat until my stomach nearly ruptures, and then throw up until nothing comes back up and then drink water and throw up again and drink more water and throw up again and hope my electrolytes go so off I pass out I want to go for walks in the middle of the night and howl with the coyotes, hoping they can't tell friend from foe. I want to run along the busy highway, feeling free and scared. I don't want to go to the doctor's to get any of my problems checked out. If something's really that wrong, well, we'll find out I guess. I don't want to eat carbs. I don't want to put a hat, jacket, shoes, and gloves on when it's 10dF out. I want to live my life the way I want to live my life without regard for death. Death can go **** himself. We're in a love/hate relationship, and the anger sex is to die for. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2021
Location: Georgia (USA)
Posts: 2,621
(SuperPoster!)
3 11.7k hugs
given |
Dec 04, 2023 at 10:08 AM
#6
Oh!
I must have misunderstood ... I've nothing further to offer.
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
 unaluna
|
|
Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,142
(SuperPoster!)
3 4,848 hugs
given
|
Dec 04, 2023 at 10:30 AM
#7
a drink or two might shut up the voice
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Magnate
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: California
Posts: 2,589
(SuperPoster!)
3 1,171 hugs
given |
Jan 13, 2024 at 09:47 PM
#8
Quote:
Have you read/listened to "No Bad Parts" https://www.amazon.com/No-Bad-Parts-.../dp/B09GKXH7QW and this: Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation, by Janina Fisher, Ph.D https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Fragm...0329626&sr=1-1 __________________ Bipolar I w/psychotic features Last inpatient stay in 2018 Geodon 40 mg Seroquel 75 mg Lybalvi 5 mg as a PRN Gabapentin 1200 mg, Vitamin B-complex (against extrapyramidal side effects) Long term side effects from medications some of them discontinued: - hypothyroidism - obesity Suspected narcolepsy Treated with Ritalin 5mg |
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
| Reply |
|
|
Similar Threads
|
||||
| Thread | Forum | |||
| Stuck between wanting to work and family wanting me to go on disability | Work and Careers | |||
| I swing from wanting to leave to wanting to stay | Relationships & Communication | |||
| Wanting or not wanting relationships? | Relationships & Communication | |||
| Torn Between Wanting To Recover & Wanting To Continue Cutting | Self Injury | |||
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
