Am I intentionally supposed to make myself sicker?

I apparently can't get better on my own and I'm too sick for one PHP/resi (which my insurance doesn't cover anyways) and apparently not sick enough for IP. So should I make myself sicker so I can get better? Idk what else to do here.

Will discuss with case manager next week.

Thats a horse of a different color. Blood and coffee grinds means ICU, not IP.

Theres a really good you tuber called "liver disease".

I think Unaluna is right. Purging blood (don’t know what you mean by coffee grounds in vomit?) requires immediate ER visit or maybe call 911. Take yourself to emergency please.

ER/urgent care doesn't help junkies. Last time I was there I had "fantastic labs," then I get to the psych ward and they said my electrolytes were fkkkkkkkkked and I was dehydrated and my MPV was ridiculously low. Told my PCP about the bleeding last year when it started (it was just a wee bit back then), got an endoscopy and was told I was fine. So I guess blood in your vomit is no biggie (the coffee grounds are old blood).

It's okay though. Even if it is serious I deserve to die and everyone's expecting it anyways.

If you are dehydrated, they’ll give you hydrating iv. Urgent care is not ER. They won’t help, they’ll tell you to go to the hospital: ER. Not urgent care. Unless drug addicts go to ER to ask for drugs, they’d be helped at least with hydration. I just read your post to my husband who’s hospital RN with long and diverse experience. You are very mistaken.

Okay. Apparently the time they did blood work/urine sample in the ER my labs were "fantastic" to 36 hours later at the psych ward when they did labs things drastically changed and MyChart and my outpatient treatment team is lying to me and all my symptoms were originially psychosomatic but 36 hours later they were real.

Vomiting blood is not psychosomatic. It’s a miracle that you have fantastic blood work after everything you’ve been describing on the forum. Not even low on iron after vomiting blood “all the time”?. I am not sure how it’s possible but at the very least let them hydrate you. How long ago did you have fantastic test results? Before or after vomiting blood?

What I'm saying is my blood work probably sucked and that doctor probably lied to me. Here's exactly how it went down:

1) I was at S's and called the NH Rapid Response team crying because I had not eaten in like two days and I knew I should but I couldn't make myself and I was calling the wrong ACT oncall line that just directed you to NHRR. This was December 12th.
2)They said I needed to be evaluated (psychiatrically) so they had someone come out and called my case manager who came out. We talked and the crisis clinician said I should go to emergency housing.
3) I was obviously very sick. The clinician thought I was dehydrated so she got me a bottle of water. I had like two sips and threw it up.
4) Case manager takes me to the hospital for medical clearance. Everybody thought I'd get an IV.
5) They take blood and quickly (I think? I don't know I was blacking out/dissociating a lot) a doc comes over and says my labs were fantastic and clears me for housing.
6) Go back to S's, pack some shyt, go to emergency housing.
7) Fall flat on my face while asking to leave and waiting for them to call my case manager to see if she's okay with me going back to S's. Case manager says no. I have a meltdown and she brings me back to the hospital saying they're petitioning for an IEA.
8) Doc says they're not doing a urine sample or more blood work because four hours earlier it was "fantastic." They stick me in the area people go in waiting to be transferred where I was for about a day and a half. I didn't eat much (about as much as usual) and I only sucked on ice cubes as hydration.
9) I get transferred to (a not shytty) different hospital in the biggest city in the state.
10) Next morning, before breakfast, they do more blood work. Next day they say a lot of my electrolytes were out of whack but they were most concerned about my potassium and say if my potassium got better the others would likely stabilize.
11) After I get discharged from the IEA, I have a pdoc appointment where she said I'd get blood work more frequently because "in the ER my electrolytes were way off."
12) Curious, I click on the link in my email to MyChart that shows my lab results. My potassium hasn't been above 3.3 since I had an IV drip and I think that was in November or maybe even October I don't really remember but it was at least a month prior and my MPV is quite low which was never addressed or explained to me.

When I say vomiting blood "all the time" I mean every time I purge. This has been going on almost a year now but at first it was just a couple streaks, but now it's covering my finger and the amount of blood has at least doubled, sometimes tripled or more depending on how panicky I am/how much force I use when purging.

Do you understand now? I am pretty sure the doc that said "I had fantastic lab results" was either extremely incompetent or just trying to get me out of there.