[MuddyBoots]

I can't tell if joining a support group or going to PHP for an eating disorder/bulimia (with periods of "recovery" AKA restriction) would be helpful or not. I tried getting into PHP in December but got denied because I was "too severe" but somehow also didn't meet criteria for inpatient, but insurance doesn't cover residential...but there is no record of me almost dying due to nutrition in a couple weeks so I should be accepted into PHP, but it might not be a good idea.

I've been told group type settings for eating disorders aren't a good idea for a couple reasons. The first being because we can be incredibly competitive, and will race to either "fake recover" the quickest or be the sickest of the group. I totally saw myself doing that when I was inpatient (regular psych unit) with someone with OSFED. Another reason being we learn tricks from each other which I have also experienced, but only when looking for such online. I've avoided such intentionally after trying to recover and figuring out a lot of it is BS.

But if it's a terrible idea, why does it exist? Why did my old case manager try so hard to get me into ED specific treatment, and why did that doc force me into having an intake assessment for eating disorder IP? Is it just a "you might die soon, so we have to look like we're trying," thing or are some people actually helped by it?

What about online groups/forums? Obviously you can find ones that are pro-ana/mia, but are there sites that are genuinely recovery focused? I'm afraid to look haha.

Or is it best to sit in the shame of the disgusting reality of what goes with bulimia myself until something clicks and I want to take the steps to stopping, and when I'm willing to put the work in I'll be able to by myself? I know they say you have to hit a bottom, but going any lower than where I've been would be death, so if I have to hit that bottom I guess I will.