[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Is there a reason you eat around the clock? Even if you dont subscribe to intermittent fasting, other eating theories say it is good to fast overnight. It gives your organs a long break from digesting food. Also intentionally? breaking up your sleeping?Seems like sometimes you sleep 8 hours straight, but not very often.

Idk. I'm not on a very consistent schedule for anything. Food or meds. Which is why my pdoc put in the safefy plan for that med. My sleep is broken up because my brother has real bad OCD and he often wakes me up around midnight and it can be hard to get back to sleep until 3.

[unaluna]

Oh im sorry to hear that. Makes sense then why you go to sleep with music. Thats hard though.

[Mountaindewed]

I've just been grazing lately. Not really restricting. I'm just not very hungry and when I do get hungry I turn to something healthy.

[MuddyBoots]

Not weighing myself this morning was so hard. It really is better not to know.

[Blueberrybook]

It's hard not to weigh yourself. That is a habit I need to give up too. How are you doing?

[MuddyBoots]

I've been doing better. I was a little on the manic side for a bit, but I still had that fear of my past manic psychosis in me so I pulled out all the stops--resting frequently in a dark room with a weighted blanket, not listening to the songs I used to listen to specifically to rev myself up more, called my pdoc and took the PRN trazodone she sent in a rx for, took cold showers when I felt like I would burst, etc. My ED thoughts were getting bad too, but I've gotten back into hiking now that it's nice out, and I think just knowing my body isn't so fkked that I can lug it up a 4340ft mtn with a loaded winter pack makes me feel so much better. My mindset is more focused on getting my body into doing higher class scrambles more easily than fitting in smaller pants.

How are you doing?

[Blueberrybook]

I'm doing better thoughtwise lately, but I still can't resist the scale every morning

[MuddyBoots]

I have not been doing well thought-wise lately to the point last night I was trying to remember the amounts of protein/carbs/sugars/etc and calories I'd take in this time last year when I rapidly lost a lot of weight. I'm also getting mad at people pushing food on me/my thoughts again (like yesterday my case manager talking about chocolate and my mom wanting to make cheesecake). Hate itttttttt.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm so sorry muddy

[MuddyBoots]

I genuinely cannot tell if I'm sliding into behaviors or not. On one hand, I'm not binging or purging, counting calories or other nutritional quantities, forcing myself to go hungry, weighing myself frequently, or completely avoiding certain food groups. On the other, I haven't been forcing myself to eat when I know I should (like I know I'm hungry, but I'm not really hungry?), I have weighed myself a couple times since my last doc's appointment (I've been avoiding the scale outside appointments), been body checking, and of course the fact the thoughts are present and I've lost some weight and not super slowly either. I mean, I did feel pretty triggered when an old friend of mine and I caught up and he was telling me about losing weight and asked me how I was eating, "little Miss anorexic," and was saying how he's seen me anywhere from very underweight to fat af.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm sorry about that @MuddyBoots. If you're not eating when you know you should be eating and losing weight too fast, you are not eating enough. It's a slippery slope. Have you talked with your T about it?

ED's are the worst. I swear I'm never going to completely get over the ED thinking. ED's...the gift that gives and gives. Just today I saw my pdoc. He always weighs me, and today he's like "I see you lost a little weight" and the stupid ED just LOVED that!

[MuddyBoots]

@Blueberrybook no, I haven't talked to T. I haven't seen her in a few weeks. I'm not intentionally not eating, just kinda procrastinating and not putting in effort for full meals a lot. And if I do have a meal it feels too much. I had a bowl of chili earlier and by the end I felt like it was going to come back up on its own. I see my therapist, pdoc, and case manager all throughout next week though.