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#1
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#2
I'm doing decently today. My mom thinks I'm restricting but I haven't had any issues with my ulcers so I think thats helping keeping me full.
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#3
I've started doing my own cooking. I'm hoping eating more healthy helps with this fatigue crap.
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
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#4
relapsedddddd and I think I forgot to flush the toilet because my mom went in there and flushed it and came out and avoided me. We usually avoid each other, but this time she was physically present and avoided me instead of each of us off doing our own thing?
I hate how out of control it feels. Purging used to give me that feeling of control, but now it's like I freak out if I don't after eating too much, and after I feel even MORE out of control. And now I juts....ugh... __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
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#5
@MuddyBoots
I'm so sorry. Take it one day at a time and make today your first day of recovery. There are usually blips in recovery especially at first. It's hard to change long standing habits. Remember to remind yourself how bad purging is for your health - your teeth, ulcers, increased risk of esphogeal cancer, none of which are pleasant. I'm struggling with the feeling of NEEDING to exercise daily once again. Ugh, I hate it. Morning rain foiled my chances of going for a walk again, at least for now. The weather channel keeps predicting the rain to stop, then keeps moving the stopping every 15 min. to last longer. I am SOO frustrated! Especially b/c rain in the morning stopped me walking yesterday. I find myself angry at the weather, for God's sake! __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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MuddyBoots
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Monster on the Hill
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#6
Yeah. I screwed up again today, but not with easy to purge foods and I think
Possible trigger:
I seriously need to get back on a schedule. I used to have a specific meal for breakfast and lunch, and dinner would be a MEAL but not somethiing I have every night. I haven't been having the breakfast and lunch meals and oblivious to what I am eating and it always feels too much. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
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#7
My NP told me to eat when I feel nauseated. So I did. I'm not restricting today. At least I don't think I am. I switched from PriIosec to Pepcid and its made a difference in a few areas.
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#8
Too be honest my doctors were telling me what to eat. I had no idea they were easy to throw up since I don't have bulimia. My eating stuff is more just restriction related and not eating well.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
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#9
@MuddyBoots
Sorry about the b/p. Having regular meals helps a lot b/c then you are not so hungry by the end of the day. I know I used to skip breakfast and then would eat too much at lunch which would cause me to not snack and to restrict by dinner. You just start this never-ending cycle. I try to eat mostly healthy foods, but I definitely don't eat completely healthy all the time. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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Monster on the Hill
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#10
Yeah, my cycle used to be barely eating during the day and binging at night leading to purging. Yesterday and today it was more having a lot of small things every few hours and then realizing the accumulation of the small things and getting the "fcck it, I've already eaten too much" thoughts. I'm not really interested in my meal that I had for breakfast before so I have to figure something out until I get sick of that. I can't really think of anything that feels both safe and filling.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
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#11
@MuddyBoots
It's tough but one step in recovery is to get away from labelling foods or meals safe and instead go for "healthy". Breakfast is a hard meal for me to eat since I'm usually not that hungry first thing in the morning. But you know plenty of cereals with milk are healthy and filling especially if you add a piece of fruit. I tend to eat the same breakfast daily until I tire of it and then move on to something else too. It's not so much an ED thing for me (and I def. do not count calories) as a REALLY intense strong craving for the current breakfast on my roster. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen Last edited by Blueberrybook; Jul 28, 2024 at 03:09 PM.. |
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Monster on the Hill
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#12
I've been trying to avoid cereals because some of them (honey nut cheerios and the other flavors when they came out especially) were my go-to beginning of a binge food. I know I need to find something that my brain can consider a full meal that I'll eat. I'm pretty sure I've been having omelettes every day for months and I can't do eggs anymore.
I'm thinking of making a pot of chili and warming that up in the mornings. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#13
My therapist is saying I'm not restricting because I legit can't keep much down. So I eat what I can. After what 5 years I've never gotten a clear answer from anyone. They have always been back and forth about me and EDs.
Possible trigger:
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
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#14
Walked too much today. I am consistently doing more exercise than I really need. I suppose it's overexercising but not to a big extreme. I need to curb this. But I keep seeing that my body is toning up fairly quickly, and it's hard to stop. EDs suck.
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
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#15
ED and substance use
I can't believe I didn't recognize a huge link between bulimia and alcoholism, but hey, it's there, and it's (not) fun. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
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#16
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
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#17
I need to rein in this exercise. Ugh. It's hard though especially since I can see my stomach finally starting to tone up and looking less like it did during the end of my first trimester of pregnancy.
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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Monster on the Hill
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#18
I was in rehab and an IOP previously, but I went straight into an environment not suited for recovery. I think if I don't let myself spiral this time, I'll be okay especially considering the upcoming move.
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Monster on the Hill
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#19
Oy. Can you commit to completely stopping exercise until the ED thoughts chill out a bit? Or if you think you can, maybe go back to your old routine and if you catch yourself getting away with it definitely stop? You're pretty good at recognizing when things are slipping, it seems. I know it's hard, but if you're starting to overdo it, a break would be good. Some people might find reminding the worst parts of when they were at the worst (and knowing it can get to that point again) helpful (I mean, I don't, but I'm not really at a point I'd say I'm' in recovery). It sounds a bit repetitive, but I know I look back to the worst time I'd been, I can find some good and that good seems worth it with ED thoughts so I have to keep in mind the weakness, the Mallory-Weiss tear, the inability to think outside of the ED, the hair loss, the fights, the comments from other people, etc.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,792
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#20
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__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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