stessed & anxious about taking a rest day from exercise

I have been more or less "recovered" from anorexia some 20 yr. but I still struggle with ED thoughts, and lately, they have been worse.

I meant to go walking this morning like I do every morning lately. Today, it was raining out, so I had to skip my walk. I decided I needed a rest day from walking & exercise as I haven't had a rest day in quite awhile.

But OMG, I am so stressed and anxious now b/c I skipped my walk. Thoughts of I'm going to get so fat now, I'm lazy, I NEED to exercise every day. Now, I do have mild OCD and I NEVER like messing up my morning routine - get up, go to the bathroom, feed the cats, take care of litter, put up clean dishes in the dishwasher, go for a walk, take a shower, start laundry, etc. Skipping or delaying any part of this routine or even doing it in another order always causes me anxiety.

However, taking a rest day from exercise is causing me HUGE anxiety out of proportion to normal. I KNOW taking a rest day once a week from exercise is needed and considered normal for people who exercise. But the darn ED thoughts are blowing up in my mind too.

I have HUGE anxiety about this, and I didn't even have regular coffee this morning but decaf (trying to cut down on caffeine). Lately, less caffeine has been helping my anxiety but not today and it's all due to the fact I didn't exercise.

I can't make this anxiety go away with grounding, deep breathing, etc. I do have aromatherapy, but it's in the bedroom and H is still sleeping. I am going to make some chamomile tea to see if that helps.

I HATE this! I know these thoughts I'm having relate to the ED I left behind years ago. I often have ED thoughts I don't act on even after all these years, but this is much stronger than the last time I took a rest day. I hope the tea will help. This is awful.

Could you maybe do something gentle, like tai chi? Something that won’t strain you but will keep you moving and ground you?

Cold you get waterproof jacket and umbrella and maybe waterproof shoes so you can do short walks even in a rain? Or for those rainy days make a plan of exercising indoors using you tube lesson like yoga or some other type indoor exercise? Or walk up and down the stairs?

I usually do pilates when it's raining and I can't walk but just didn't feel like doing pilatea today, I'm not sure why. Could be b/c I know in my heart that I do NEED a rest day, it's just hard to take one. Stupid ED.

I do believe it's important to have a complete rest day. Like you said, you really know that and you're doing great. Despite all this anxiety, you're pushing through. Keep reminding yourself of that. It sucks, but it's the right thing to take a break. I hope by now the anxiety has gotten better. Maybe you could develop a routine strictly for rest days so you still have structure and that's one less thing to be anxious about? Just a thought.

I'm doing a bit better, but I had to take 25 mg of Seroquel for the panic. I have been prescribed that in the past for panic but not now, so I really shouldn't have done that, but what's done is done.

I had some adult time with H, and that did help my stress

I STILL feel guilty about not walking, but ugh, the trick is to NOT act on those ED impulses, plus it is wet and still drizzling out. I really don't care to walk in the rain. As far as raingear, I'd practically sweat to death in a waterproof jacket right now. I live near Houston, and the summer weather is hot, muggy and extremely humid. Maybe walking with an umbrella, but I'm not going today b/c I already took a shower, and I don't want to have to shower again (which I would have to do if I walk).

Plus, I KNOW I need a rest day. I just have to fight those stupid ED impulses. Ugh! I hate it!

It's been 20 years since I actively engaged in ED behaviors & the ED thoughts are STILL with me! I really wish they'd go away.

Edited:
As it turns out, I did get some exercise today; I vaccuumed the house. That took longer than I thought it would and worked up a bit of a sweat.

Finally I couldn't stand it and went walking in the rain, which mostly stopped by the time I finished my walk. I really need to work on this. I don't have a T, gave up on therapy years ago after trying at least a dozen T's.

And some T's, I'd get thru my history and they're like yes, I definitely can help you with bipolar, with OCD, with anxiety & panic attacks, oh wait, you have a history of an ED? Sorry, I can't help you even though you recovered 20 yr. ago.

I just started calling T's finally and so many rejected me with an ED past or there were insurance issues, and I finally gave up. I never did click with any of the T's who would see me, and it's just too much to deal with, makes me feel like a freak b/c I get rejected by a lot of T's. Anyone else have this problem, or is it a regional thing?

I've never gone into a T saying I have an ED, but I have been turned away for actively being in a severe psychosis or my BPD. I noticed in regular IP they don't give a shyt if you eat or purge or whatever though.... "this isn't an eating disorder hospital."