[Dawr]

I Don't really expect any responses, I just kind of want to vent over this, and I feel this is the only safe place to do it.

I've known this forever but I obsess over food.

I become guilty when I eat something, and if I eat something big for breakfast, I won't eat for the rest of the day. Because I'm too guilty about what I ate for breakfast. I mean... I Don't starve myself by any means, or Binge and purge either. (Sever emetophobia prevents me from doing that) but I don't think I should feel this way.

I think my family is starting to notice, too. My mom's been forcing me to eat. When I come home from school, she'll offer to make me food, so she knows I eat. My grandma, too. When I come over to her house she'll beg to make me something, even if I refuse several times.

Lately I've even been lying about food. Like I'll leave for work, and my mom will say "Eat something before you leave," And I'll rush out of the house, reassuring her I'll eat when I get to the mall, with no actual intention of doing so.

I'm scared of gaining weight, and I stare at myself in the mirror and think about how disgusting I look. the only time I Do feel good about eating, is when I consume something with little or no nutricional value. (Like apple Slices, or Celary)

I'm trying to get myself in to see a therapist, because of some other issues, so maybe I'll....mention it. I Dunno though. I'm at a normal weight and BMI, so maybe it's not a big deal.

Wish I didn't have sush low self esteem. =/

[anarchben]

=[ i know how you feel. i'm the same with food and guilt. Like today i just had some low fat, low cal jello for breakfast and some when i got home from work and am actually happy and proud that that's all i had today. I also lie to my family about eating when i actually dont eat.. if you even wanna talk email me, id be happy to listen and share =]]