[eskielover]

My GP called me up today regarding my weight loss he pointed out at my last appointment. I had built up enough nerve to talk to him before but now??? I thought he would forget about it. I found I had no voice when he brought it up. I finally decided to give him the highlights about it & that when I start losing weight, I don't stop. I didn't give much details except a little about the last time I experienced this & that I am having the same feelings now. He asked me what I wanted him to do for me?, then must have quickly decided against it because he went on to assure me that he was going to help me get through this. He actually thanked me for telling him about what I am dealing with. He asked me when our next appointment is & said I have to be sure to make the next appointment & we will start dealing with it then.

Part of me (the part that doesn't want to end up like last time) is glad that he knows, but part of me (the part that wants to control) is kicking myself about saying anything.

I feel sorry for my GP because I came to him with chest pains that were already determined not to be heart related. Then I came down with Bronchitis from brush fire smoke & couldn't breathe. He put me into the hospital & I ended up allergic to one of the meds. A few days after getting out of the hospital, I experienced a mild heat stroke. That was when I started having eating problems & started losing weight. That triggered all my crap to relapse into not eating to lose more weight, & so on, & so on, etc. Now this. I appoligized for bringing more to him in a few months than he would ever expect in one person over a life time. He assured me that that was what he is here for.

I am finding that my weight loss is slowing down. It must be that I am getting to a balance point where the small amount of food I eat in order to function with my horses & dogs is just enough with my exercise to limit the weight loss. I am getting frustrated but refuse to use the other ways of losing weight that I did last time.

Maybe my GP will help me get to a point where I am satisfied & can maintain that weight. My psychiatrist wants me to take meds to gain weight & NO WAY is that going to happen!!!

The conflict continues.....

[Genevieve]

Disclaimer: What I'm about to write is based solely on a sample size of 1 -- me -- so from a statistical viewpoint it's meaningless. I'm just gonna project for you now...

Therapy is the most important part for me, because the not eating is related to not feeling. The less I eat, the less I have to feel -- partly it's a smokescreen, something to focus on besides the rest of my life, and partly it's a way of externalizing my distress. The emotions are all internal, so I externalize it all by creating an internal void -- sucking down my emotions with hunger. Therapy is the place where I can work on accessing those emotions.

(heheheh -- it ain't working right now...)

I do hope that helps.

And best luck to you. Remember -- neither you nor your new filly are safe if you're in danger of passing out from weakness. Sometimes, I've been able to pull myself part way out of this by concentrating on what's best for my beasts. Maybe that can help you, too? (You wouldn't want to pass out on a horse, would you? It's not good for the horse, you know.)