[tuliptorn]

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A while ago I used to binge and purge by taking sometimes 3 enemas a day. I would also take laxatives, water pills and do traditional purging by mouth. My T and some of my friends know about this. It has seemed not to be a problem until now. I have those urges again, in fact everytime I feel or look at myself in the mirror. I had to stop in the past because my large intestine kinda shut down and it took 6 months and a confession to my personal doc about what I was doing to fix this.
I tend to ignore this because it seems like a distance problem to me, but it is a problem nonetheless. I also would like to say I am very ashamed it has or is coming back to this.
I am overweight and depressed about it - no one wants me because of it, not that I want to be with someone in my life like that now. Just the act alone of doing these things makes me feel like I am doing something about my weight. Someone (my brother) suggested I exercise more and this will help my mood. Great idea if my body did not feel so poorly and painful in most every waking moment.
Thank you for letting me vent this here. Advice is welcomed.