Today I binged and purged 3 times. I can barely feel my toes.. I'm not sure why. I feel so far from myself. I saw my reflection in the grossness in the tolilet and I couldnt stop saying I hate you. I don't know why I keep having these struggles.

[Genevieve]

Just as a guess, I'd wonder if your feeling numb might be a physical response to what you're doing to your body. Or, of course, it could be the other way around: you're feeling so out of touch with your body that you're finding it easier and easier to purge.

Regardless of why, what are you doing to help yourself? What kind of treatment are you getting? Is it helping? How long have you been working at this?

And have you tried yoga? It was just prescribed to me, and I haven't tried it yet -- hoping to make it to a class today for the first time -- but it seems as if it might help with getting more comfortable in my skin. Might help you, too, to learn to "feel" your body?

Hope that helps...

[kimmydawn]

it's a vicious cycle...doing things we feel we shouldn't or that we feel are wrong and then loathing self for doing them! we loathe self and indulge more...continuing sad cycle. i'm so sorry that you feel caught in the cycle right now and hope that very soon the cycle will be broken in a safe manner.

are you currently in treatment?

kd

Thanks Kimmy and Gen,
I am in therapy. although long distance phone call with my old T since im in school. I think I am having a very hard time making the transition to a new place and just haven't made any friends yet. Maybe I'm just anxious about the new semester.

I'm going to get my meds changed next week.... Drug me up baby

[mj14]

EV,

Why don't you try this exercise? Stand in front of your mirror and say, "I love you." It may not be what you are feeling, but even just saying those words can help counter thoughts self-hating thoughts you are having.

It can be a nasty cycle, you binge/purge because you hate yourself, then you hate yourself because you binge/purge, then you binge/purge because you hate yourself, etc. Anything that can put a little off-ramp on that circular track is helpful. I have found for myself, that doing something introspective helps a lot more than just trying to distract myself. A positive affirmation like the one I mention above, or journalling, or even just sitting on my bed asking myself over and over "what am I really feeling?" until I get some answer other than "I am feeling like bingeing" or "I hate myself."

Or, come here, and we will remind you that you are a precious soul, and deserve love, not hate...even from yourself.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{esthersvirtue}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[itsjustme111]

I feel for you. And I wish I had some comforting words but all I can say is that I wish you better than this. I hate this illness too my dear. Its so madening and I am so sorry that you are going through this. And I cry for you and everyone else that is hurting like you are today.

(((((((((((sending you my love esthersvirtue)))))))))).

my thoughts are with u always......please have a better day tomorrow, and I know its easy to say but not so simple. Want u to know... I care,

Justy

[alliecat]

I'm in the recovery phase now but I remember the numb feeling I would get. As we ruin our bodies from ED's our circulation gets all messed up. My hands and feet stayed cold and numb all the time.

[alliecat]

Curious to know what meds they put you on. I'm on Lexapro and it seemed to really clear my head.

Thanks everyone.. I'm doing allot better today. Hopefully this will be my first day of not binging and purging this week. Yeah!

alliecat-- im on lexapro too

[bptoo]

((((((((((((((((((((((esther)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. Hope you don't mind the hugs, I have an over-abundance of them today

Greg

[itsjustme111]

You can do it!!!! Give yourself a break...take time for you.

((((((((((hugs for you dear))))))))))). And good to see that your feeling better today, keep up the fight. You have it in you and you have tonssssss of people on your side. We believe in you.

Justy

[colors]

So sorry to hear this. Hope you will continue to find help with your therapist. Maybe you will come to the point that you realize it is alright to let yourself have nice things. That we are all human, and humans find enjoyment in eating good things. It is a good part of our lifes.

Take care.

Colors