Hi .

TEEE---RRRIFFIC! . this is just dandy . my lucky day, what more could I ask for . geepers.

I guess that's how I felt when My boyfreind asked me to marry him many moons ago . Our start in our new life together was to work as missionaries on a Hawian hunger Mission where they trained volunteers from third world countries about substainable subsitance agriculture .

Room and all the food we wanted and 25.00 dollars each for spending money.

we were both Vegans who rode bikes for our transport back then so no need for fuel or insurance.

It was a honorable goal of love and self sacrifice. He was a great and good man .

There was just one small problem . Me. I had a severe eating disorder .

I was on year three of my recovery with fledling sucess and not sharing the truth of my not being able to be binge free for more than a week at a time which was good compared to every day through out the day. I had also not uncovered the sexual abuse . He never did know or find out.

This brings me to Tifferifics post from her thread "calling"

she writes

So happy to fit into my skinny jeans again, right? I,ll get a burst of energy and clean my house.Make a big dinner for my family. Started back into the lax habit,

so where am going with this..

Well like Tiff can fit into her skinny jeans . I cannot ft into the role of a cook . That wonderful nurturing warm gooey lemmon drizzzel Mrs doubfire way into mans heart is through his belly kinda gal.

Just doesn't come natural for me. It was imossible for me to navagate back then , Even now the thought makes me worried . And Im not alone . In see this in the faces and bodies of many women who silently slave away at the hearth and struggle to fit into jeans of any size .

so whats next . well

I do very well on my own .Bbut when it comes to even thinking about hooking up or dating theres this huge issue of how to proceed. What to say , what not to say , how to deal with another persons food needs yet take care of my own .
I plum just do not know how to do that. Not o a daily basis.

I have other areas in my life I enjoy that excite me like changing the oil in my vehical all the great little and big challenging tasks that men usually do .I find rewarding.

being in a kitchen to me is like being an alchohlic who has to work in a bar and drink as well . Call me selfish I guess . protective . Im just not keen in putting in lots of time i food prep . since I spent so much of my life in it . I don't get excited about baking cookies and I used to bake some of the best cookies . I used to be a good cook. Recipes do not excite me . I have one cook book Lauras kitchen I pull out . I don't cook for myself fancy or ivolved . My meals are so simple and BORING. but I like it that way. they are fast ad get the job done.

so any way .

what do I want now.

To hear your thoughts on how you deal with your food issues around your boy friends , husbands wives Mothers sisters or brothers .

Is it a struggle for you?

How do you approach dating situations ? do you spill the beans . I mean you have to at some point . Are you honest ? how much do you disclose.

do you struggle still whith some or al of this.

How your issues have been recieved ? . Is it workable for you? Do you have separate fridges with locks on them? LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you get what I'm asking for here.

I look forward to your sharing and any help you can offer.

Im off to get a small bow of lowfat no sugar added froxen vanilla yogurt. I know its late , but i need to self sooth . LOL yum..

Patricia

gosh ,

are we all struggling this much? is there not anyone out there that has had some expereince with approaching this stuff with thier so's? Or dating ?

are you all hidding ?

are you staying silent?

just wondering...

hope everyones doing okay.


Patricia

[tifferific]

I can't even begin to tell you about my male experience and ny ed. I cook for my husband and 3 kids. They comment on what I do or don't eat. Guess comes with being inpatient 4 times and almost dying. My husband isn't the food police. But does comment on how I look all the time. As far as the dating scene goes you'll get either get someone who will be understanding, and informed or someone that won't be and you'll scare the*** out of them. When it all comes down to it from MY ex I am not sure that I'd say antyhing.In the end I seem to still suffer alone. Onely now they have proof they were right and have found more faults in me. I hope that you find a different response they are not always the same. Maybe this is part of my problem still. Maybe, this time will be my last. And I won't need understanding.

Originally Posted by tifferific

I can't even begin to tell you about my male experience and ny ed. I cook for my husband and 3 kids. They comment on what I do or don't eat. Guess comes with being inpatient 4 times and almost dying. My husband isn't the food police. But does comment on how I look all the time. As far as the dating scene goes you'll get either get someone who will be understanding, and informed or someone that won't be and you'll scare the*** out of them. When it all comes down to it from MY ex I am not sure that I'd say antyhing.In the end I seem to still suffer alone. Onely now they have proof they were right and have found more faults in me. I hope that you find a different response they are not always the same. Maybe this is part of my problem still. Maybe, this time will be my last. And I won't need understanding.

Hi Tifferific,

Yeah great terrific. I can't wait to get out there. I have had the reaction of scaring the **** out of them that resulted in a oh hey nice taking to you. see ya . I have also had the they don't seem to understand its not them so they don't seem to mind. Notice the word "seem". I have never lived in a day to day situation with a boyfriend or husband Like you are . The comitments got broken in part due to my concern and just lack of commitment . The last time I had roomates was when I still was very active with My dissorder. I got kicked out of one house I lived in. That was pretty traumatic. I also got kicked out of my childhood home right after I turned 18 ,, been on my own ever since. It was me and my tricycle .

My fear is having other peoples food around and how that may effect me.

see its always about me but it inevitably and ultimatey will effect them as well. its a selfish program in a good way I guess.

I have my place binge food free. have for many years . i work alittle on trying to eat foods I have prblems with but Im thinking maybe its best I not. I guess I won't know what that will be like till I'm in it . This disorder is so emotionally based. Even bieng on here and reading and thinking about ths stuff is triggering me to want to self sooth. Im having to be very careful.

I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you who have children .

I cook for my husband and 3 kids. They comment on what I do or don't eat. Guess comes with being inpatient 4 times and almost dying. My husband isn't the food police. But does comment on how I look all the time.

kinda is a police but not a natzi... LOL.. I think a place of trust is so crutial . IMHO.. the trust has to come from trusting myself and thats been hard won. I really trust myself to do what ever it takes to maitain my abstinance and the alone part is that only those who are in our shoes know what its like . I get this feeling that peope think this is all mental and theres no physical addictive quality to it that I should just be able to just eat with out fear or concern. What would bother me is if I was not trusted and or watched when I didn't need to be and I do not need to be.

Maybe, this time will be my last. And I won't need understanding.

Maybe you won't have to worry about that ever again . I know you can find a better a better place with food . Im still working on the emotional side of it , Thanks for letting me know about your family life. I am single no children . I weigh and measure My dogs food . She has a bit of an eating disorder too in her old age. LOL I blame it on the fast food in the trash cans . That will get a hound addicted in no time.. I put her out on a leash now aslo....

Thanks for responding Tifferific . It means alot to me. You know there is so much more to us than this food stuff .

Patricia

[tifferific]

I'm always being watched somehow iv'e come to the oint were I don't care if they do get angry. Or if I get caughtM I don't binge but I purge. And have a huge laxative issue. I love to restrict and excersize. You kind of get to the point that you can kind of retreat again into it. I mean I hid it for so many years I still do this fairly well. Not that it is positive but at times I just don't know were else to turn. My husband thinks I can just eat so he is NO help he almosts makes a mockery out of it. So I truely wish I never would have revealed this crap side of me.

[tarabug922]

i have a lot of experience to offer. i just don't know how to put it all down in black and white. I was married for eight years seven of those with a severe eating disorder. My husband and i cycled, he'd take care of me, i would feel loved and get better, then he wouldn't know what to do and would start neglecting the healthy me and i would in turn get sick again. This went on for seven years.

At first when i told him about my eating disorder he was compassionate and tried just to encourage me to eat. His parents on the other hand tried to force me. I would cook for both my husband and me but would only eat limited portions.

Now I've been in recovery for almost two years, though it's a little rocky right now, I would say things have gotten easier. I now have a boyfriend who is totally compassionate and patient with me. I told him about my eating disorder only because he asked, otherwise it's my business not his, until we get close to marrying or something.

I hope this helps. If you want to talk you can always PM me or catch me in chat.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

[littlemisszombie]

i have only just started recovery, and it is extremely hard...i cant cook for the family yet, at all, because if i cook, the smells of cooking make me feel full anyway, like ive already eaten what im cooking, so for the time being, i cant handle sorting food out for the whole family and take care of my own eating. my hubby is ok, he doesnt force me to eat,he more encourages me to eat.

to tell you the truth, i cant be arsed with hurting my own head worrying about what the rest of the family are eating. ironically, here i am with an ed, and my hubby is a chef! in one way im lucky, in another its my worst nightmare, but up til now, touch wood, he is being really good about my ed.

[tifferific]

Your lucky my problem isn't cooking or my family or any of that any more. This kind of got off track my husband just isn't supportive. In fact I'm starting to wonder if his relationship with me and my ed is really hurting me. I know that I have to do this on my oown but there's been so many people that have wanted perfection from me. And when I fail I get abandoned. But he hates when I'm too thin too. But waits until he can criticise it in a negative way instead of being helpful. He goes for the heart. And hurts me. I turn to ed for protection.

[tifferific]

I am so yucky today need to talk to the wall or someone please help.

[littlemisszombie]

to do with cooking and food, my hubby is fine. but in other ways he is not so fine, and we have argued a lot about things that are associated or affect my ed. sometimes i question wether he truly wants me to get better or wether he is scared that when or if i do get better, i wont want him anymore, so he accidently on purpose makes me not do so good at battling my own monsters. we have nearly split up on a few occasions, but thankfully, with regards to cooking food, he is actually really good and understanding about that aspect. maybe it helps hes a chef coz he obviously enjoys food and cooking it, or he wouldnt be one,lol.