[noella123]

Hi.. I am new to this sight but I like the rest of you have been struggling with my weight since i was really young. In high school I was extremely heavy.. 210lbs at 5'7.. I was wearing size 13 to 16. Through out college I was also heavy but began to loose weight by increasing my exercise and slowly I have worked by way down to about 135, 140.

I obsess about my weight. I try to work out a lot.. but I have been sick recently with the flu so i haven't been able to work out, yet I have been eating complete crap like ice cream and yesterday Chinese. I feel so guilty about everything I eat, especially Chocolate. usually If i eat it, i throw it up. I hate thinking I am bulimic so i think i pretend that I am not. I make excuses that its normal.

Yesterday I threw up 3 times and continued to binge eat. I think I eat because I am sad. I recently got into a car accident, so i have no car and I sit in my house while all my roommates work.. it gets lonely.. and I can no longer hop in my car to head to the gym to workout.

Also, I had a boy friend of 3 years who was abusive in a few ways, who i see now and he is really happy with another girl. I push guys away because I feel like I am very angry and not good enough and fat.

I also have abused laxatives recently because I feel bloated all the time. I notice when i throw up that my face becomes puffy and bloated so i have to make up excuses to the people around me, like i had an allergic reaction or something. I need help. I just want to talk to people who can relate to me, I know I am not alone, but I just want to stop having this obsession with food, and my weight. I want to be happy.. Can anyone relate?

i have also never talked to anyone about this, so this is my first step

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by noella123

I just want to stop having this obsession with food, and my weight. I want to be happy.. Can anyone relate?

i have also never talked to anyone about this, so this is my first step

Well, may I be the first to congratulate you in taking your first step toward recovery..... admitting you have a problem is half the battle.

And yes I can relate as I too often use food to sooth my emotional wounds and I've had to loose 75 lbs on two different occasions in my life and it was one of the most hardest things I have ever had to do and yet it was also one of the most rewarding things I've ever had to do.... and yet the call of food continues to be strong when I am upset.

Hi Noella,

I hate thinking I am bulimic so i think i pretend that I am not. I make excuses that its normal.

My name is Patricia . I have never liked the name from the first time I laid eyes on it in a newspaper. I think making excuses is a way to enable the behavior . I did some of that also . Its part of denial.

I think I eat because I am sad. I recently got into a car accident, so i have no car and I sit in my house while all my roommates work.. it gets lonely.. and I can no longer hop in my car to head to the gym to workout.

I think your right Noella , I had a car accident right as I started therapy fractured my claviacal and hit my head .

Accidents are traumatic and a Loss. you lost your car . I hope your okay and getting the proper help you need insuarnce wise and have family there for you. I didn't . I saw two lawyers and one called me stupid because I couldn't make up my mind about getting a lawyer . I didn't go to ay more lawyers and didn't get representaion.

Don't know the fault of your accident . regardless please don't beat yourself up . Theres always the .

I could have done this differently . That comes with choosing abusive boy friends as well

Also, I had a boy friend of 3 years who was abusive in a few ways, who i see now and he is really happy with another girl. I push guys away because I feel like I am very angry and not good enough and fat.

Another injury yes?

its okay to cry Nolella . I do . its better than using the food . The food just covers the grieving process. The anger masks the hurt . the hurts more painful but it is less distructive than anger is and its the true emotion for the situation.

Oh the happy with another girl .. yep that was already in the cards once again . A woman he was already fawning over and he had lots of friends ad family . kinda Like I let myself be dumped on while he stayed nice and shiney with his friends ..

so Im doing a number on myself going Look Im a looser because i don't have a family or a good net work of friends .

Im trying Im just making poor choices. .

I used to think that those who abused me just did it to me ..Im not sure about this . lets just take the road of its her turn next to be mistreated . the other veiw is another way to make ourselves feel bad and lets the abuser win.

Its always good to leave rather than stay when someone is not being kind. Love is not supposed to hurt.

" Can anyone relate?"

yes Noella , I just made a poor choice ( again) ,I saw the red flags and tried to make things better . Instead I just got more drawn in and hurt .

I got hit and he ran Noella . and I hung onto the door handel when I should have let go sooner. I feel very discouraged . And the dentist felt like yet another hit and run.

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i have also never talked to anyone about this, so this is my first step[/quote]

I'm honored to be amoung the first.

I've been praying alot Noella.

lots of hugs for you . put down the gooey stuff , and promise me you'll try to eat real healthy vitalizing foods . And go for a walk and know Ill be thinking about you.



Patricia