[ickydog2006]

At least that's what I keep telling myself. Well, I haven't been exercising but I haven't eaten more than three meals in four days. I'm eating plenty of calories. I had a half pizza today and yesterday I ate a sandwich and a slice of cheesecake. I know it's not healthy. I've been drinking grape juice. Probably just as bad as it is good for me though since it keeps me regular. I guesss somewhere inside of me I know it's wrong. But I'm not hungry, so I tell myself. My stomach has been hurting a lot lately. But that couldn't be hunger...nope...not possible...I'm in my wonderful world of denile. What bothers me most is that if I don't eat/make food my husband doesn't either. He does work and workout. I'm worried about him not getting what he needs. I just don't know how to hide not eating and get him to eat at the same time. Plus I don't want to put food in front of me. Just more temptation. Of course I shouldn't feel the need to hide it if it wasn't wrong. Thankfully so far my husband hasen't noticed how little I've been eating. And when I got on the scale today he asked what my weight was. I told him and he said "That's good, you're down a little." I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt because I knew he didn't realize why. It would be healthy for me to lose weight. I'm 5'3" and 132 lbs. The doctor told me I would be fine at 112 when I went in a few years ago. Then parents almost divorced, college, and getting married happened. Although I would like to lose weight it's not priority for me right now. I just want to feel in control.

Originally Posted by ickydog2006

. I know it's not healthy. I've been drinking grape juice. Probably just as bad as it is good for me though since it keeps me regular. I guesss somewhere inside of me I know it's wrong.

Hi IckyDog

How about doing a bit of reframing? Theres no right or wrong in food .
Theres just choices and how they effect us which is personal and individual. Theres health and nutrition in what you are eating,

For me some of your food choices don't work for me because I want five pizzas and two cheese cakes . Thats just me

So find whats okay for you . or better yet if it doesn't trigger you say this is fine for me ,Its okay its actually great.

But I'm not hungry, so I tell myself. My stomach has been hurting a lot lately. But that couldn't be hunger...nope...not possible...I'm in my wonderful world of denile.

It never occured to me when other women share thier stomach hurts that they are actaully hungry . Thanks for sharing this. I've never been a restricter always eating or grazing or binging. I never had enough time in between meals to know what real hunger feels like and it does hurt .

So now when I do not eat in between meals like six small meals through out the day , I experince true hunger . Amazing.

What bothers me most is that if I don't eat/make food my husband doesn't either. He does work and workout. I'm worried about him not getting what he needs.

Let him take care of himself . Or have him cook dinner ever do often .

I just don't know how to hide not eating and get him to eat at the same time. Plus I don't want to put food in front of me. Just more temptation.

It sounds to me like you have this idea of what you should be doing and your not . So you vasialte between eating and the need to restrict . This can be resolved by making a food plan .

Of course I shouldn't feel the need to hide it if it wasn't wrong.

right! its "the wrong" thats getting in the way. Gota work on what your doing as not being "wrong" or having to hide it .

Thankfully so far my husband hasen't noticed how little I've been eating. And when I got on the scale today he asked what my weight was. I told him and he said "That's good, you're down a little." I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt because I knew he didn't realize why.

How about not telling him what your weight is . Id ask him not to ask.

Not sure how to take your hubbies comment . If he thinks your trying loose weight I guess he may be congradulating you supporting you. But your in a world of guilt. Maybe the quilt is hes un aware of your struggles and how he fits into those.

It would be healthy for me to lose weight. I'm 5'3" and 132 lbs. The doctor told me I would be fine at 112 when I went in a few years ago. Then parents almost divorced, college, and getting married happened. Although I would like to lose weight it's not priority for me right now. I just want to feel in control.

How do YOU feel about your weight? Im 10 to 15 lbs over my ideal . And Im fine .

Its trail and error in finding a food plan that will work for you . Id say do your own research . investigate proprtions and calories and make a decision on what you want to have thats enjoyable too with no trigger foods and then follow it as best you can and realx.

The weight WILL comeoff gradually.
Thats the beauty of a food plan and sticking to it.
No worries.
and it works.
and you will be in control in a good trusting way .

and if there is food thats troublesome for you to have around . negotiate that with your hubby. find a way he can have what he wants and you have what you want.

If it comes to food being fixed for him that triggers you .

I guess I"d ask for meal prep help. " as in cooking together" .. sounds delightful

one last thing.. sometimes when I repalce what Im doing with food with other things. Like does he like me , will he leave me , is he angry with me ,

Or just becomming aware of other feelings . I find they play out in the hide and seek game of eating issues.

Patricia

[ickydog2006]

Thanks Aurora for the advice. My hubby I think is starting to catch on. I've been sleeping a lot and he asked if I was feeling okay. I've been focusing on feeding him more... things I don't like much. And I'm starting to get out of my funk. At least emotionally. The eating has really helped me to stabalize emotionally and I think that may be what's most important for me at this time. I know I should be eating more. Yesterday I had a 90 cal chewy bar thing and some french bread. I also had two chocolate kisses and a glass of grape juice. That's everything and I know that's not a healthy amount. I also got that somewhat giddy feeling when seeing my weight, another two pounds down. I may be using the hunger feeling as a sort of self injury though. It hurts, but not giving in feels good, and hurting myself feels possibly better. It's like an all in one package: weight loss, self injury, and the feeling of control. No wonder I'm feeling better emotionally. Now if I could just make it healthy. It feels good to get ths out. I needed to be honest with someone.

Thanks guys

Originally Posted by ickydog2006

Thanks Aurora for the advice. My hubby I think is starting to catch on. I've been sleeping a lot and he asked if I was feeling okay. I've been focusing on feeding him more... things I don't like much. And I'm starting to get out of my funk. At least emotionally. The eating has really helped me to stabalize emotionally and I think that may be what's most important for me at this time. I know I should be eating more. Yesterday I had a 90 cal chewy bar thing and some french bread. I also had two chocolate kisses and a glass of grape juice. That's everything and I know that's not a healthy amount. I also got that somewhat giddy feeling when seeing my weight, another two pounds down. I may be using the hunger feeling as a sort of self injury though. It hurts, but not giving in feels good, and hurting myself feels possibly better. It's like an all in one package: weight loss, self injury, and the feeling of control. No wonder I'm feeling better emotionally. Now if I could just make it healthy. It feels good to get ths out. I needed to be honest with someone.

Thanks guys

Hi Icky ,

Wasn;t clear about you Type of ED. Mine was not painful for me ., wait I guess its been so long I have forgotten .

was pretty easy for me to purge. unfortunately.

good to forget . dont think I want to go back there , not tonight any way.

If your just a restricter . You just need to find a food plan you can trust.

If you can try to replace some of your carbs with healthy ones like fruit.s and vegtables and get some protien .
The high processeed sugar from the juice choclet and french bread will increase your cravings . make you want more. then you beat yourself up.

I m glad you feel some relief in sharing. Your certainly accepted here . but we kick AZZ as well..so be for warned..LOLL OLOLOLLLLL!!!!!!

.



Patricia