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#1
Apr 28, 2009, 08:39 PM
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PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND IF GOING TO PUT ME DOWN, OR HARD LOVE..... OR I'M SO AWESOME......
Always 111 younger. 5'3 small frame all through 20-30's, and exercised fanatically Started medicated for bipolar 5 different kinds, still didn't work for chemical problem. I gained 50 pounds didn't even realize saw picture Age 40 - SAW NO FUTURE = Street DRUGS WENT BULIMIC about 5 years........... 2 correctal every night, fleet etc. Moved to another state (street drugs out of picture for 4 months). There were no medical plans there. Had to go cold turkey off about 5 med's. Moved back - started exercise .... gazelle: 45 minutes every day, small plate, no second, no white, no starch..... green tea --- 6 months lost all back to 110 (still on street drugs too though) 110 pounds> bitten by poisin spider only - hospital almost lost leg. Hospital 1 month - came out 120 pounds.... couldn't lose appetite from junk food hospital - took leg 2 years to recovery from numbness. Yet still street drugs Today : No more street drugs. New Pshyc. : I was not stablized and was acting like MANIC dementcia. Put me on Depakote 1500 my stabilization mellowed (little) - ALSO increased appetite 3 x's.... and room for more if I keep going. I told him, blood was drawn - immediate lower dose... 1000mg appetite less 2 x's Today I ate two healthy wraps tomato and sprouts. Then 2 more. Then bit later 1/2 jar cheese dip and chips. I'm not allow milk products, caffeeine, sugar (yet did)..... MY MENTAL bipolar very unstable... Then ate bowl of navy bean soup. Did 100 sit ups, took 2 ex-lax. ----------------------------------------- My body is totally tattooed I did this as a therapy which worked instead of seeing a Fat body through anerxic eyes, I saw art. NOW TURNED BINGE UP TO 135........ DEPOKATE 1000MG. SEE PHSYC 4TH.... I don't want to eat I want my p.j.s to not ride up pass my hips I want to button the top of my jeans. I'M GOING BACK TO EXCESSIVE EXERCISE AND 1 CUP FOOD THREE TIMES A DAY AND JUST WATER.............. WORKED FOR TWO GREAT YEARS......... NOW ............... Last edited by Anonymous29357; Apr 28, 2009 at 08:52 PM. |
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#2
Apr 28, 2009, 09:23 PM
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I don't know what to say. But I was thinking arn't there other med options that won't be so triggering? I know that it's hard to get anyone to listen. So my wishes are with you. Good luck. |
 Anonymous29357
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#3
Apr 28, 2009, 09:31 PM
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All I know is that without peace of mind it doesn't matter how thin I am. If I get there the crazy way I become obsessed with trying to hold on to it, and inevitably end up in the same sad cycle. I wouldn't wish the obsessive thinking that drives that cycle on anyone.
I don't have experience with meds and my ED, but it sounds really frustrating. We all want to look good and feel confident. Take care -- |
| Anonymous29357
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#4
Apr 30, 2009, 01:02 AM
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Thank you tifferific and tinaseajed,
for just being nice and comprehending  It mean's so much when people know... Others --- oh so cruel 
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#5
Apr 30, 2009, 06:29 AM
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Others are cruel because we make them out to be so. awesome.. If thats what you wish to name it , comes from day to day tears sweat and day in day out powerlessness. Im sorry you have been forced to go through all of this to your body. I've been there in my own way and am still working on it. take care, Patricia |
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#6
Apr 30, 2009, 07:11 AM
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I specifically asked for no one to respond negativitely. (That we do to our selves MORE than ANYONE can...) BUT - .... "CRUEL IS CRUEL BECAUSE WE MAKE THEM SO" IS GO ALONG WITH CHILD MOLESTERS, WIFE-BEATER, RAPIST...! You came at ME in this same room Recently ...Same tactic! MY QUESTION TO YOU : ARE YOU HAVING FUN YET? LEAVE ME ALONE!!! You are no help to me which mean's you are a thorn!!!
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#7
Apr 30, 2009, 07:28 AM
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I'm so sorry that you are struggling so. I used to be 5'10" and 113 pounds and that wasn't thin enough. Then medical issues caused me to decide to take medications and my weight kept going up and up. I fought my own battles that I won't go into here. I just wanted to give you support and let you know that you aren't alone here, many here are going through or have gone through their own version of this, so it is very helpful to all (you included) for you to keep posting here about your experiences and thoughts and feelings.
 I'm sorry that you saw another member's post as negative and attacking. That's very hard when that happens. I do want to say, and pray that you won't be upset by this, that in reading the response that you felt was negative, I felt was insightful (and I'm not always able to see life that way)--BUT THAT WAS JUST MY TAKE ON IT. I am SO not saying you were wrong to feel that way--not at all; those are your feelings and this is your thread....I just wanted to let you know that at one time I would have taken them as negative, too, so I do understand where you are coming from. I'm sending you big hugs and happy, healing thoughts!!!
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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| Anonymous29357
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#8
Apr 30, 2009, 08:25 AM
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Hi Starlite, Im not having fun at all. And Im sorry I'm no help to you and have caused you pain. You are right. I have pointed to solutions rather than just hugs And maybe thats not what you need right now. I have been avoiding my notifications for almost two months due to my own personal strugles right now I just opened it a few days ago . . I noticed you pmed me but I just got scared and delted them this morning. You may have asked me not to respond to you . So Im sorry . I missed that if you did. I'm working on how anger puts people at a distance in my life right now . How we need to vent but not in a way that sacres others . Im finding even a slightly elevated hyper voice thats scared is seen as scary or offenive to others . I have had a friend who just seemed to flaunt thier wonderful perfect life and always point out how I was to change and when I felt hurt and needed to talk about how they were misviewing me and treating me they would ban me . It was very cruel . But this person sufferd greatly in thier life maybe more than myself . I forget where people come from . his person was tryng to help me as a patient not a friend. And all I wanted was a friend . and that was very damaging to me. I won't read any more of your postings and I recommend you do the same with me if Im not helping you .  Patricia |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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