It's these darn potato chips. They taste so good! But after i feel remorse, guilt, shame and out-of-control. It takes many hours of abstinence before i feel better.

I'm 5'3" and weigh 240 pounds and am a 55 year old woman. I'm vegetarian at the moment. I don't cook. I have high blood pressure. I drink a protein shake that has 30 grams of protein for 160 cals.

I try to exercise. I like exercise so much that i overdo it. I'm really weak from inertia due to depression and COVID confinement so even the gentlest of exercise is too much. I tried doing ten laps of my hallway here in the building and three push-ups and stretching on Sunday and yesterday (Monday) and i guess two days in a row was far too much because i am painfully sore today and couldn't even take a shower because my arms were too sore to raise to wash my hair. Even typing is hard.

I really value physical fitness but feel desperation that it may not be possible. I'm just so darn FAT. I've been on about forty diets. I just do a calorie-reduced diet according to The Canada Food Guide which is really heavy on vegetables. My doctor supports this. I've lasted between a few hours to one year and lost between zero and 65 pounds and have NEVER kept it off. I'm at my highest weight ever.

I'm six days into an antidepressant and they take two to six weeks to reach effectiveness. It's a weight-neutral med thankfully.

I'm just so tormented about my weight. I feel terrible about myself and how i look. I get exhausted just walking in the mall. When i was younger it was relatively easy to lose weight but now that i'm a senior it's virtually impossible.

I'm basically an invalid.

Now i'm reading about anti-dieting culture and getting uneasy. It's all so confusing!

I can relate to some of what you say

I have fibro, so I can't just get up and do heavy exercise- I also have BDD, and hate my looks. in fact: if their was a casting for the lead roll of shrek, I think the movie company would turn me down for looking too ugly.

I know my weight's an issue. apart from the fact I am a massive overeater, their have been ocasions where I have been outed in pubblic- she's too fat for this, or that, or the other

my problem is, that I have nothing to work towards or no self confidence- or I guess even longing to feel comfortable in my skin.

I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm a disgrace to society, in my mother's words, " a waste of oxygen"
I've just given up and the only reason I'm living is because I'm too weak to do anything else

I can't work- doctors have signed me off

I can't sleep- and doctors won't touch me now because they've tried me on everything they can think of and still nothing

severely depressed
out of control fibro

... too many things to list

@raging vortex:

I'm really sorry, raging vortex. What your mom said about you was messed-up.

5.5 hours of abstinence! I threw the rest of the potato chips down the garbage chute! Drinking water! Yum!

@raging vortex:

I don't know if this will help you, but it really helped me to listen to a sad song today and cry. I really felt like i was processing my grief. I cried for myself and my pain. It's okay to grieve myself, what my life could have been like if not for mental illness and heartbreak. I really feel refreshed!

[unaluna]

Hey whatever2013 im your same stats, only im 70. I USED to be able to walk over ten miles at a shot. Now, geez. Its hard to believe how little i can do now, how long it takes me to recover, and esp how much i have to hold back on how much i exercise as i try to rebuild myself. Its not like you get out of breath, right? It seems like you SHOULD push yourself a little more. WRONG! I do waaaay less, even tho it feels lije im quitting, and i live to exercise another day. And results come faster than i expect.

Hi there! Yes, it's hard to adjust to being so fragile physically. Unfortunately in my case it's been an instance of trial-and-error. I so love exercise and i have the means, motive and opportunity. It's just the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I'm really going to have to be cautious and like you say, live to exercise another day.

Edit: I think it's you that doesn't like to be @_mentioned? I initially forgot but edited my post so you might have gotten a notice anyways. Sorry about that. It's been a while since i've 'seen' you.

[unaluna]

No problem!