[susancook911]

Ive spent a total of 5 weeks this year in the psych ward. They say i am bpd and schizoaffective. Ive been staying on my meds the best i can but they arent working. I hink I am worse now then I have been the whole time. I havent slept in days I cant think I feel like im really loosing it. When I go in its like they dont care. Im really considering killing myself. Im not even sad when I think it I feel relieved like finally I could gt some peace.

[pegasus]

Hello susancook911,

I'm really sorry you are having such a rough time right now. Hospital is necessary if you are a danger to yourself or others and it is usually a good way to adjust the medication and to get some sleep and rest.

The fact that you have not slept in days, is an indication that your medication is still not right. If we can get a good sleep we are able to cope much better with life in general.

If you are still considering killing yourself, please check back in to the hospital, get the medication adjusted, you do not need to feel this bad.

Common Hotline Phone Numbers | Psych Central

Please seek as much support as you can around you, use this website when you need, contact mental health services and look into getting therapy.

[avlady]

I'm sorry you feel so bad. Please get help for your sleep problem. I used to have weeks where i couldn't sleep, until i found out i had sleep apnea, i sleep with a machine now and the results are tremendous. I used to get little REM sleep, which we need for our bodies to heal everyday. in the last test i took i recorded no REM sleep so the prescription was raised from 6 to 10 on the machine. It really does help but i don't want to diagnosis anything for you but you should get a sleep apnea test done, if you have insurance or money to pay for it. Please don't hurt yourself, you probably feel and think that way because you're sleep deprived.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry you are struggling so much. I have gone through a few spurts of upwards of 30 hospital visits. Needless to say, none of them really did much. Both myself and all the doctros were frustrated. I insisted on trying a specialized program that covered trauma and self-injury (because that was the major reason I kept ending up on a psych unit). It was incredibly helpful to finally be addressing the root of the symptoms and starting on a way to healing. I found that was pretty much impossible on a "regular" psych unit. If you have any issues that may be underlying the main symptoms, or some symptoms that overshadow others? There are specialized programs for almost anything, and if you keep winding up on a locked unit, your insurance (if you have it) may be willing to make the investment in a more expensive program to avoid further costs from the revolving door of a psych unit.
It may just be that you don't have the meds right, but it may also be that you are not addressing the underlying issues. Sometimes that's difficult to start in therapy. If there's nothing that stands out as needing to be addressed, then definitely just keep tweaking the meds.
Also, if there is anything you can do to help you get some sleep, that would be a huge help. Do you think a guided meditation could help? I have some that I use when my insomnia gets really bad. The first few times I tried it, I had a bit of trouble relaxing to it, but I kept at it every night. Eventually, I was able to relax with it, and now it helps me sleep much of the time. It's not a perfect solution in that it does not always work, or the same way, but I get some form of rest out of it most of the time. There's also some sleep hygeine things you can try (geing to bed at the same time every day, getting up at the same time every day no matter what, not doing anything but sleep or sex in bed, no electronics in bed, if you can't get to sleep within about 20 minutes get up to do something boring till you feel sleepy then try again... I have trouble with most of those, but they do work if I do them.
I'm sorry you are struggling so badly. Please keep reaching out.

[Sad&Bipolar]

SusanCook911,
I have spent many, many visits to the hospital over the last 13 years. I must have been in at least 30 times! Some hospitals are terrible and uncaring. You may have to go to several different ones to find a good hospital the next time you have to go in. From the sound of your message, you may actually consider going back in soon. Ending your life really is not the answer. I do understand having that feeling that going into a deep, dark, black sleep would be peaceful. I have been there!

Finding the right doctor, the right meds, the right therapist, and a good hospital with an active program of intensive group therapy, informational groups, recreational groups, groups for fun activities (games and art), and a staff of really good RNs and Mental Health Workers, are all keys to getting stable/and/or well. Have you found someone to teach you DBT? Both CBT and DBT have been helpful for me.

Keep talking to us here at this site. Talk to a therapist. And know that there are people who really care. Please keep as calm as you can. Many of us suffer with intense symptoms. We do get through them, and over them. The way you feel now will not last. It always does get better. Stay safe. Viv.