Dealing with someone who repeats the same conversations over and over

Jul 22, 2014 at 08:55 AM

I know someone who has the tendency to repeat the same conversations over and over again. And a lot of times, they are perverted ones or it is about her being really annoyed at her family and wanting to move back to college. They also tend to turn very one-sided. Not sure how to get her to stop doing that, there is more to live than just talking about moving back to college or having perverted conversations all the time. And at times if I try to change the subject, she will go back to talking about what she was talking about. Anyway to counteract this?

glok · Jul 22, 2014 at 09:29 AM

Hello, BPHS2010. This seems to be a boundaries question.

Setting boundaries Appropriately - Online Self-Help Book for Mental Health, Mental Illness

I wish you well.

winter4me · Jul 22, 2014 at 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BPHS2010

I know someone who has the tendency to repeat the same conversations over and over again. And a lot of times, they are perverted ones or it is about her being really annoyed at her family and wanting to move back to college. They also tend to turn very one-sided. Not sure how to get her to stop doing that, there is more to live than just talking about moving back to college or having perverted conversations all the time. And at times if I try to change the subject, she will go back to talking about what she was talking about. Anyway to counteract this?

This is hard. She probably feels little control over her behavior, like a record with a scratch (remember records? oh well)---But, the thing to do is to tell her what she is doing, and to ask if there are ways she can change the subject, or allow you to "cue" her when she reverts back so she has a chance to change course. It will hurt her feelings, but I think she can feel what she is doing, and probably isn't any happier about it than those who listen to her. (I have some experience with getting stuck & repetitious)
Not sure what you mean by perverted, but that, I might just object to in the moment, let her know it is not a topic of interest....
Good Luck.

pegasus · Jul 22, 2014 at 11:03 AM

Hello BPHS2010,

Is this someone that you have to interact with? Remember what ever she says is about her and not you. Maybe just say, 'Oh yes, you told me that before...' That line will make the other person think about that and hopefully help them to recall what they said and realise there is no need to repeat it. As for inappropriate or perverse comments, you have every right to ask her not to discuss that in front of you as you find it offensive. You don't have to say that in a horrible way but do it in a firm/positive manner.

The other option of course is to walk away...

Jul 22, 2014 at 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by winter4me

This is hard. She probably feels little control over her behavior, like a record with a scratch (remember records? oh well)---But, the thing to do is to tell her what she is doing, and to ask if there are ways she can change the subject, or allow you to "cue" her when she reverts back so she has a chance to change course. It will hurt her feelings, but I think she can feel what she is doing, and probably isn't any happier about it than those who listen to her. (I have some experience with getting stuck & repetitious)
Not sure what you mean by perverted, but that, I might just object to in the moment, let her know it is not a topic of interest....
Good Luck.

I have tried to tell her that she is being repetitive but she never changes, and I mean perverted as in sexual.

Jul 22, 2014 at 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pegasus

Hello BPHS2010,

Is this someone that you have to interact with? Remember what ever she says is about her and not you. Maybe just say, 'Oh yes, you told me that before...' That line will make the other person think about that and hopefully help them to recall what they said and realise there is no need to repeat it. As for inappropriate or perverse comments, you have every right to ask her not to discuss that in front of you as you find it offensive. You don't have to say that in a horrible way but do it in a firm/positive manner.

The other option of course is to walk away...

u

Yes I agree and I have told her that she repeats things and when she repeats things, I tell her I have heard it before but she doesn't stop, she just keeps going and sometimes she even gets mad when people tell her that she is being repetitive.

ifst5 · Jul 22, 2014 at 07:50 PM

Not sure what the problem is here...if this person annoys you that much why continue any further communication with them? Also i'm not sure if it's fair to call her conversations perverted either...i mean they might not be to your liking or appropriate to that moment but that doesn't necessarily mean they're perverted. I would seek out interactions with someone you have more in common with.

Jul 22, 2014 at 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ifst5

Not sure what the problem is here...if this person annoys you that much why continue any further communication with them? Also i'm not sure if it's fair to call her conversations perverted either...i mean they might not be to your liking or appropriate to that moment but that doesn't necessarily mean they're perverted. I would seek out interactions with someone you have more in common with.

I know what you mean and when I say perverted, I mean sexual. She is constantly talking about her sex life or turning anything anyone says into a sexual joke, it goes way too far and has driven people away. That's what I meant by that.

Jul 23, 2014 at 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glok

Hello, BPHS2010. This seems to be a boundaries question.

Setting boundaries Appropriately - Online Self-Help Book for Mental Health, Mental Illness

I wish you well.

Thank you.

winter4me · Jul 24, 2014 at 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BPHS2010

I have tried to tell her that she is being repetitive but she never changes, and I mean perverted as in sexual.

Ah, well, it may not be something you can do anything about. I guess then the question becomes whether you want to spend time with her or not. (kind of sad, as her behavior will push people away)

Alone & confused · Jul 24, 2014 at 10:17 AM

I know someone like that (without the perverted part) I tried every way I could to help her but it was never enough. Every day the same story multiple times a day as if I'd have some sort of an epiphany as how to solve her problems if she JUST KEPT BEATING ME OVER THE HEAD with it! I just quit answering the damn phone! I mean for months and months the story never changed! Before I stopped answering, I found myself starting to obsessively complain about how annoying, ungrateful & needy she was becoming. She wasn't even TRYING to help herself other than to get everyone around her to do things FOR HER. And that wasn't helping her at all. It was taking what little energy I had left to be around her & that left me empty with nothing left to give to anyone. If this is happening to you (being emotionally drained by her) you may need to save yourself & walk away, or at least take some time off for awhile. Give her some time to find "a new song to sing". Other than that, I'm not sure what might help.

Jul 24, 2014 at 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

I know someone like that (without the perverted part) I tried every way I could to help her but it was never enough. Every day the same story multiple times a day as if I'd have some sort of an epiphany as how to solve her problems if she JUST KEPT BEATING ME OVER THE HEAD with it! I just quit answering the damn phone! I mean for months and months the story never changed! Before I stopped answering, I found myself starting to obsessively complain about how annoying, ungrateful & needy she was becoming. She wasn't even TRYING to help herself other than to get everyone around her to do things FOR HER. And that wasn't helping her at all. It was taking what little energy I had left to be around her & that left me empty with nothing left to give to anyone. If this is happening to you (being emotionally drained by her) you may need to save yourself & walk away, or at least take some time off for awhile. Give her some time to find "a new song to sing". Other than that, I'm not sure what might help.

I agree and I feel like this is exactly what's happening. I will take your advice and distance myself a little. Thank you and yes these people, no matter how nice they are, can be so emotionally draining.

Jul 24, 2014 at 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by winter4me

Ah, well, it may not be something you can do anything about. I guess then the question becomes whether you want to spend time with her or not. (kind of sad, as her behavior will push people away)

I agree with you, she is nice, just has very bad social skills that she needs to touch up on.

Jul 24, 2014 at 09:00 PM

The last person I was friends with who is exactly like this I ended up having to walk away from. Really too bad, she is a nice person with a good heart but I had to make my health a priority. Even after distancing myself a few times I ultimately came back to the same thing. Just my two cents; hope all goes well for you

Jul 24, 2014 at 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by floating.feather

The last person I was friends with who is exactly like this I ended up having to walk away from. Really too bad, she is a nice person with a good heart but I had to make my health a priority. Even after distancing myself a few times I ultimately came back to the same thing. Just my two cents; hope all goes well for you

Makes sense. Yeah some people just have social skill they need to work on. Unfortunately you and me both knower someone that was like that but they were nice people, a shame when that is the case and yeah I may start distancing myself from this person I know as well. Maybe only associate with her in small doses.

snickie · Jul 24, 2014 at 11:05 PM

I am actually one of those people who does this... repeat conversations even though they've already been discussed, and occasionally even bring it up out of the blue in the middle of other conversations (usually after we've long moved past that topic) and it may or may not have a new tidbit of information that I had just thought of. I'm aware that I do it. I'm aware that people probably find it annoying, and I do apologize for it (they usually tell me it's okay, but I don't know if they're being sincere or just nice). And I try to stop myself but it is difficult.

Any help anyone can give on stopping this behavior in myself would be greatly appreciated.

Alone & confused · Jul 24, 2014 at 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snickie

I am actually one of those people who does this... repeat conversations even though they've already been discussed, and occasionally even bring it up out of the blue in the middle of other conversations (usually after we've long moved past that topic) and it may or may not have a new tidbit of information that I had just thought of. I'm aware that I do it. I'm aware that people probably find it annoying, and I do apologize for it (they usually tell me it's okay, but I don't know if they're being sincere or just nice). And I try to stop myself but it is difficult.

Any help anyone can give on stopping this behavior in myself would be greatly appreciated.

This is JUST a thought, and I have no idea if it would work, but could it be that people who do this have no new experiences or ideas to relate to others and so they replay the same stories just to contribute to the conversation? If so, maybe a change of scenery would do the trick. Like, going out somewhere new, a new hobby, a good book or movie, something to broaden your horizons, give you something fresh & new to talk about. Maybe that would get your mind "unstuck" on the same topic?? I don't know.

06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

This is JUST a thought, and I have no idea if it would work, but could it be that people who do this have no new experiences or ideas to relate to others and so they replay the same stories just to contribute to the conversation? If so, maybe a change of scenery would do the trick. Like, going out somewhere new, a new hobby, a good book or movie, something to broaden your horizons, give you something fresh & new to talk about. Maybe that would get your mind "unstuck" on the same topic?? I don't know.

I'll add that the person I was friends with isn't even someone who doesn't expose herself to new things and this made her an interesting person. She is schizophrenic and I didn't mind being friends with her. I'm completely fine with supporting a friend yet there still has to be reciprocity for it to be called a friendship. That's where the major problem was. I was just a free counselor to her, she would constantly dump her issues on me while having no interest in mine; there were a lot of reasons for this and she did this to all of her friends. I was friends with her for quite a while so naturally the friendship became more exhausting than enjoyable. That's when I knew what was going on wasn't good for me. She, too, would turn everything into a sex joke or to her sex life...to the point where it was tmi, even when discomfort was made obvious each time she still continued...

Jul 25, 2014 at 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by floating.feather

I'll add that the person I was friends with isn't even someone who doesn't expose herself to new things and this made her an interesting person. She is schizophrenic and I didn't mind being friends with her. I'm completely fine with supporting a friend yet there still has to be reciprocity for it to be called a friendship. That's where the major problem was. I was just a free counselor to her, she would constantly dump her issues on me while having no interest in mine; there were a lot of reasons for this and she did this to all of her friends. I was friends with her for quite a while so naturally the friendship became more exhausting than enjoyable. That's when I knew what was going on wasn't good for me. She, too, would turn everything into a sex joke or to her sex life...to the point where it was tmi, even when discomfort was made obvious each time she still continued...

Yep that is exactly the person I am dealing with. If I try to talk to her, she doesn't seem to care as much but when she is upset, she keeps on going on and on and on and on and won't stop, and I feel like a free counselor. And even when she is not upset, she still tends to not listen to me as much and she does this to basically everyone. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I should take a break and only associate with her in small doses.

Jul 27, 2014 at 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

This is JUST a thought, and I have no idea if it would work, but could it be that people who do this have no new experiences or ideas to relate to others and so they replay the same stories just to contribute to the conversation? If so, maybe a change of scenery would do the trick. Like, going out somewhere new, a new hobby, a good book or movie, something to broaden your horizons, give you something fresh & new to talk about. Maybe that would get your mind "unstuck" on the same topic?? I don't know.

I agree with A&C.

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glok Account Suspended Member Since Jun 2014 Location: South Overshoe Posts: 7,657 (SuperPoster!) 9	Jul 22, 2014 at 09:29 AM #2 Hello, BPHS2010. This seems to be a boundaries question. Setting boundaries Appropriately - Online Self-Help Book for Mental Health, Mental Illness I wish you well.
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anon20141119 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 24, 2014 at 09:00 PM #14 The last person I was friends with who is exactly like this I ended up having to walk away from. Really too bad, she is a nice person with a good heart but I had to make my health a priority. Even after distancing myself a few times I ultimately came back to the same thing. Just my two cents; hope all goes well for you
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