[summerblueskies]

I was thinking about writing this thread for awhile. But tbh I am kind of embarrased to admit that I had a best friend for 4 years and she abused me emotionally and verbally and I let her! But she also told me, once a week or more that she was suicidal so I was scared to go anywhere because I didnt want that on my conscience. I was recently reading about BPD and it really described her to a T. All of her behavior that at the time I just thought wad really strange. If I missed a day of school, she acted like I abandoned her on the worst day of her life! If I went on vacation with my family, she stewed for months. She had many off again on again relationships with guys. She partied and abused anti depressants. And she could go from withdrawn/depressed to giggling and hyper to sad in 20 or 30 minutes. Thhe silver lining is it gives me a sense of clousure to know there was actually a name for all that bizarre and disturbing behavior that I had to dea l with! High school was bad enough, Im sure every one can relate, but spending every day dealing with all that, I feel like I am permanently scarred! Sorry for the long post but I have been thinking about this alot!! And it helps to gets some things off my chest now

[pegasus]

Hello summerblueskies, the realization that you have had an abusive friendship can be enlightening and sad at the same time. Yes you have probably hit the nail on the head in that she had some real issues and was abusive because of her fear of abandonment. I am glad you no longer have this friendship, please allow yourself the time to grieve and it helps to talk about it too.

[Jenni855]

Don't feel ashamed as I have been caught up in something similar for just as long. It isn't always easy to see when you are in it. Only when you are out the situation can you see things for what they really are. Be kind to yourself.

[summerblueskies]

I did know she had endured every kind of abuse from family members and was just lashing out. It just doesnt excuse the behavior. Now I really try to tell myself its not my fault!

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[monkeybrains21]

My ex gf was the same way. Very abusive even physically although he was smaller than me but I didn't want to hurt her. She always threatened SUI when I said I was going to leave. I left her 6yrs ago after being together 2yrs. She didn't kill herself. I don't know what sees doing or where she is and frankly I don't care anymore. It'd be very ba if we ran into each other. I have very angry violent feelings towards her so I keep my distance. I hang out with none of our mutual friends or go anywhere she might. All I know is she got 2dui after I left her and she called me blaming me. I told her she did it to herself. She treats everyone around her like crap.

[JadeAmethyst]

Hurting people, hurt people....easy does it
thanks

[healingme4me]

Sometimes teen behavior can mimic things, from textbooks.

Careful with labels, just accept her actions were behaviors you won't tolerate and move forward, into adulthood.

Push/pull, lashing out, manipulative behaviors, at that age can just be maladaptive coping skills that aren't fully defined, as identity discovery is still in play. Like toddler tantrums, that are eventually learned as ineffective, as are teen outbursts in social contructs.
See how she is, close to 40, and see if she ever received an official diagnosis. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. Threatening suicide is different than serious consideration. It's maladaptive.

[summerblueskies]

Originally Posted by monkeybrains21

My ex gf was the same way. Very abusive even physically although he was smaller than me but I didn't want to hurt her. She always threatened SUI when I said I was going to leave. I left her 6yrs ago after being together 2yrs. She didn't kill herself. I don't know what sees doing or where she is and frankly I don't care anymore. It'd be very ba if we ran into each other. I have very angry violent feelings towards her so I keep my distance. I hang out with none of our mutual friends or go anywhere she might. All I know is she got 2dui after I left her and she called me blaming me. I told her she did it to herself. She treats everyone around her like crap.

Well sounds like you did the best thing for you. In the end my friend moved across the country, she came back to see me once but we agreed we had grown apart. After that i saw she was not as needy as before and if we werent friends anymore it wouldnt be the end of the world.

[summerblueskies]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Sometimes teen behavior can mimic things, from textbooks.

Careful with labels, just accept her actions were behaviors you won't tolerate and move forward, into adulthood.

Push/pull, lashing out, manipulative behaviors, at that age can just be maladaptive coping skills that aren't fully defined, as identity discovery is still in play. Like toddler tantrums, that are eventually learned as ineffective, as are teen outbursts in social contructs.
See how she is, close to 40, and see if she ever received an official diagnosis. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. Threatening suicide is different than serious consideration. It's maladaptive.

Maybe this sounds terrible idk but I started to think she was just saying it to get attention.

[healingme4me]

It's a possibility. If, in that situation, it's better to err on getting them help, immediately. A good personal boundary to have. Live and learn, as the saying goes.