Waiting for boyfriend to reply my text or to text me.

We just started a relationship couple days ago. I get really anxious when he doesn't text me. I would know that he would be off work at this time but still, he has not send me a text. Sometimes, it would take him hours to reply my text and during the wait I get really anxious. I would think about why is he not replying my text, what is he doing, and can't he text me when he's having a washroom break at work. I know where is trust issue right now because we just started. It's also because it's my first time being in a relationship with someone who I met through an online-dating app.
When he doesn't reply my text, I get so anxious that I can't do anything. I can't focus at work and my heart just drops. When he does reply and everything seem normal, I would be happy again and do what I need to do.

I started this habit when my ex-boyfriend cheated on me and there was never a closure. I don't love him or care about him anymore but then it created this insecurity within myself. I know that this current guy I'm dating is loyal and faithful and he values relationship. I need some help!

Hi, Karina_Wu, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). I guess if I were in your position I would not text as much, maybe only for specific reasons/to ask specific questions that needed to be asked/answered right then? I wouldn't try to "chat" by texting. You and the texting are hurting you, not his replying/not replying. Have you mentioned to him that you get anxious when you text him, waiting for him to reply? I know when I feel I have a problem I "shouldn't" I will discuss them with my husband and we will both laugh at them or he'll reassure me and I'll be able to use that the next time to reassure me that nothing is actually wrong, it's just me and my quirks/thinking.

Hello Karina Wu,

It is very early in your relationship and it looks like your insecurities are from your previous relationship. The thing is, is your current boyfriend aware how important texting is for you? Some people just use texting when they have to while others text all the time, which does your boyfriend normally do? It could simply be that he is not the type of guy to text all the time and is simply unaware of your need to hear from him. You need to have a conversation with him about your needs and his needs and explain to him your feelings and why you want more contact. Try not to assume that the same thing that happened to you in your previous relationship will happen again, you could end up pushing him away.

Your going to scare this guy off if you keep obsessing over when will he text you back .
If you never had closure from your ex b/f who cheated on you then your not ready to
date .
Your going to end up being to controlling , and that scares people away , who want's someone breathing down there neck .

So my advice is ..
First get closure
then less texting ( it is a trigger to become obsessed )
Trust your new b/f ( he's not your ex so he should not be punish )
Work on your Self-esteem ( Confident will make you shine )

hi karina wu
this behavior could be very damaging to your relationship and detrimental to your health if you don't get it under control. please seek out a counselor to help you resolve the betrayal in your past so it doesn't negatively impact your future. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

I also fear you coming across as a little needy and that would chase him off.

I think we're so used to instant communication that even seconds seem like a long time.

Now, how to you stop the anxiety when you don't hear from him straight away. I would say the just keep telling yourself that that's not something that guys "need" to do straight away. Probably texting is last on a guys list of important things....
So he's not deliberately playing some game with you, he's simply playing basketball or eating. Our minds are very good at turning something simple and manageable, into a great bib tangled up mess.

Hugs.

Yeah, I really mean this in a nice way, but I think you should try to relax a little. For your own sake of course, but also as others have said, not to frighten him off. I know I personally don't like feeling under pressure to text back straight away. He could be busy or asleep or something. Try not worry so much, it won't help matters. You're only a new couple and he still has his own life to life and stuff to do. Don't take that personally. I'm only trying to help. I hope it all works out though, maybe talk to him about it as has been said, just try not actually tell him what to do, cos people don't like that. He should want to text you, not text cos he feels he has to. I'm sure he does want to text you and maybe he will more as you get to know each other more. I think it's also worth mentioning that some people just aren't texters. Same as I don't feel too comfortable making phone calls, it's nothing against anyone, it's just the way I am. But I know and have known people who wouldn't text. Maybe your guy would prefer a phone call. Good luck anyway.

Hi. I have this really sweet guy in my life who txts me back almost right away usually. I really like him A LOT but I am not like that. I used to be crazy when it came to texting, like obsessive, and I wasn't happy. So now I text at my convenience. It's like emailing kinda, right?
I ended up telling my guy "I'm sorry I don't always txt back right away. If I don't it's because I'm doing something and really focused, or I don't know how to respond at that moment, or my phone is off(because the phone charging outlet in my car is busted so sometimes I turn it off to preserve battery)"
I like not texting 24/7 because it gives us time to miss each other and also things to talk about when we see each other.
But when I do txt I try to set it and forget it. I try to look at a response as a pleasant surprise, not something I expect right away. I know it's hard sometimes though cos I used to obsess but now I keep some distance..
Hope that helped a little ?

I'm really glad I saw this. I have been talking to my boyfriend 2 months but as an official couple 1 month. I have the same issue only I will shoot off 3 texts about. So we had a talk & it's something I need to work on. I get obsessed...why isn't he replying, etc? So now I'm not focusing so much on it anymore and it's hard but otherwise I'm sure he will get sick of it and just stop talking to me altogether.

Not everyone replies right away unless it is absolutely necessary. You are right about the obsessing & you will scare him away. Try only calling him, but not all the time. Give it space to grow. Good Luck