People pleasing?

So one of my boss's daughters came into the office today selling Girl Scout Cookies. She's really young and has a whole speech written on a piece of paper to read off when she's trying to sell. Everyone is lavishing comments on how cute she is (which is true).

Now here's the thing. She's bad at math. Her dad is going around with her to greet people and also to make sure she's not making counting mistakes. But he was busy chatting with a fellow co-worker when I was purchasing my box of Thin Mints. He totally wasn't paying attention.

Each box is $5. I purchased one box and I gave her a $10 bill. She took it and put it in her envelope of cash. Then another person comes up to her asking to buy two boxes -- distracting her. She works on his transaction. At this point, her dad is back and helping her count that person's change. Then she moves along.

I felt awkward standing there waiting for my change. Spending an extra $5 isn't a big deal... so I just went back to my desk. I guess I should have tried asking her for it to teach her how to count money, but nobody else had witnessed my transaction and it felt wrong to point out that my boss's kid had messed up...

I hate being a people pleaser. Now that I think about it why would anyone pay $10 for one box. I feel really stupid.

It might not be that you're a people pleaser. Could just be that, like me, you have a hard time asserting yourself. As though some how you'd be bothering them. But you wouldn't be. You deserved to have your $5 back. Or at least a second box.

If you were a people pleaser you would have intentionally bought more than one box or paid more than you needed to. But that wasn't the case. It was a mistake on her part that you never got your change back. I think you just didn't want to seem like you were bothering them, especially since she was a young girl. You were probably just being polite more than anything. Either way, you had every right to get your change back. But you shouldn't feel stupid about it.

Thanks, you're right. I do have a problem with assertiveness.

I was controlled by emotional and mental abuse for years. I gave up on trying to fight to have an opinion early on in the relationship. I became a people pleaser in order to keep our home life as calm as possible. Overworked for the in-laws to prove my worth. Now i am labeled as dependent, weak and a push-over

it was just a mistake. i wouldn't call you a people pleaser just because of this one incident, it was accidental. i would maybe talk to the girls dad and explain what happened and see what he could do to get your money back.

It's okay. I don't want to go back asking for $5. It's kind of trivial. I'm just glad I didn't use a $20 bill.

Yea this is a minor case, but I think I do have a hard time asserting my rights. Like: "Oh it's okay, it doesn't or shouldn't matter" (for me), while I make sure other people are happy.

Hi Connect,
I have following pinned up in my
kitchen where I can see it: "You get the behavior
from people that you are willing to put up with
without protest--YOUR SILENCE IS CONSENT."
Why don't you make a copy and do likewise? Over
time it sinks into subconscious,and is potent reminder to dear self.
Respectfully,
BLUEDOVE

Thank you Bluedove. That is a very powerful statement. I will write that on a post-it and keep it in my workspace.