Hi all. As a 20-something living in a city, I'm looking for some Halloween debauchery, but I'm kind of having a "dry spell" in terms of friends. I haven't had any close friends in years, and even my friendly acquaintances seem to be out of the picture. Some moved away, some had children, and in some cases I distanced myself from toxic friends.

Anyway, I guess I have 3 options for Halloween and was just wondering what you all might do in my position:
1 - A friend who moved away a few months ago is visiting and invited me to go to a party with her - BUT she is one of the toxic friends I distanced myself from.
2 - There is a local band I love doing a Halloween show that night, but I have no one to go with.
3 - Stay home.

So what do you guys think? Go to a party with someone who always frustrates me, go to an event alone and be depressed seeing everyone else there having fun with friends, or stay home and try not to think about it too much?

Option #2

Go ahead and hit the bar

[winter4me]

Option 2! There is the dancing, and you can socialize casually!

[Thunder Bow]

Do the band, or stay home and watch a scary movie. Nothing wrong with that.

If I put myself in your position, I would stay home. Even though I know it would be bad for me.

[Serzen]

Definitely. Go see the band.

And as winter said, you may end up talking with someone. I like doing that.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Do the band, or stay home and watch a scary movie. Nothing wrong with that.

I second this. I am going to spend my Halloween at a coffee shop, probably gaming with a guy I met online. Dunno if anything will come of it but I can at least enjoy myself.

Go see the band alone. I do this a lot and people always talk to me. It is Halloween, people will be happy!

Hmmm, now that I'm seeing you all voting for option #2, I think that was actually what my gut was telling me. I sometimes have a very hard time making decisions, so it was helpful to have you all confirm what I was thinking deep down!

I do sometimes love doing things by myself, but I also dislike being hit on by guys at bars and stuff - it seems like those are the only people who talk to me when I go out alone. :/ BUT, like a couple of you said, there will be dancing! One of my favorite things! And if I get into any uncomfortable conversations I guess I can find a way out of it. Any thoughts on this?

The funny thing is, tonight I went to an event I saw on meetup.com and met some cool people who invited me to a Halloween party. It ends early so I might stop by there and then hit up the concert too.

[Raindropvampire]

When I was single I fended guys/gals off with complete honesty. Let's say someone asked me to dance I'd tell them I'd love to dance BUT I'm not interested in talking or you buying me a drink. I just want to listen to the band, dance and enjoy my own company. or something along those lines.

If someone asked to buy me a drink I'd tell them I appreciate the offer but this is a ME night.

I was always polite (with a few rare exceptions for especially persistent guys/gals) but made it well known that I was there for the music and dancing not hooking up.

But being completely honest in a bar tends to make people look at you like you are a nutjob but they go away so it works

[sammo777]

I'd opt for ONE: the toxic friend. Yes, you can't stand them, but you don't have to stick to them all night -- you can flit about and catch up with them, briefly. It gives you an opportunity to present a more resilient, more boundary-aware you, keep everything light and upbeat, and it gives you a way in to a party.

going to a bar or a band on your own seems a bit lame, you'll get hit on lots, and you'll stand around all night watching everyone have fun with friends and mourning the fact you don't have any.

jus' my opinion...

[littleowl2006]

Originally Posted by DancesWithWorms

Hi all. As a 20-something living in a city, I'm looking for some Halloween debauchery, but I'm kind of having a "dry spell" in terms of friends. I haven't had any close friends in years, and even my friendly acquaintances seem to be out of the picture. Some moved away, some had children, and in some cases I distanced myself from toxic friends.

Anyway, I guess I have 3 options for Halloween and was just wondering what you all might do in my position:
1 - A friend who moved away a few months ago is visiting and invited me to go to a party with her - BUT she is one of the toxic friends I distanced myself from.
2 - There is a local band I love doing a Halloween show that night, but I have no one to go with.
3 - Stay home.

So what do you guys think? Go to a party with someone who always frustrates me, go to an event alone and be depressed seeing everyone else there having fun with friends, or stay home and try not to think about it too much?

I'm in exactly the same situation!!! Thanks for summing it up, you hit the nail on the head.
I would go with 2 or 3 as well. I wish you a fun night! Doing stuff alone can be good and exciting
Big hugs from another big city

[goku23]

Personally, I'd bang on a film and chill at home but I hope you choose option 2) and meet someone cool.

Def go with option 2)
never know what could happen, might meet your soul mate! or find a 50 on the street. not as good but still not too bad!
worst comes to worst, it doesn't go great.
Can still go home and watch a movie after.

Have a great night!

[marmaduke]

Go with your toxic friend, use her/him for your own ends.
Just don't tell them no personal stuff, keep it light.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by DancesWithWorms

The funny thing is, tonight I went to an event I saw on meetup.com and met some cool people who invited me to a Halloween party. It ends early so I might stop by there and then hit up the concert too.

That's what I was going to suggest; finding a 4th, 5th, and 6th option :-) Neighborhood kids' planned activities where an extra adult might be welcome or befriending someone from work or school for the weekend.

[avlady]

thats great!!!!

Please come back and let us know how your evening went...

[*Laurie*]

It sounds like your Halloween is going to be fun, after all.

[divine1966]

One just never knows... My daughter met her husband at the concert to which she went alone and so did he. They just celebrated their first anniversary. They have a poster framed from that concert. One just never know. Just happen to be in the right place in the right time

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Everyone, thanks for showing that you care about the wellbeing of a random person you've never met (me). It makes me feel less alone, restores my faith in humanity, and shows a lot about your character!

I ended up doing option 1 AND 2. I know someone in the band and met up with his wife. It was a little awkward because we have nothing in common lol, but I guess it was still nice. I spent more time dancing around in different areas by myself anyway - the band is a large group of people, so they use multiple stages and have some members wander through the audience. So basically I had more fun moving around to see everything, and it wouldn't have mattered whether I had met up with somebody or not anyway.

The concert ended early enough for me to go to the party too, and I found out another friend was also going. She had my back and helped me avoid the toxic friend. I hope that doesn't sound awful. I tried for a long time to make that friendship work by being open and honest about what bothered me, and it never made a difference.

Anyway, I ended up having a good Halloween and hope you all did too! I worry about so many things that end up not happening, like this weekend sucking for example. I wish I could stop, but it's tough to change thought processes that are so ingrained, as I'm sure many of you know.

[avlady]

i am happy to hear of your great time at the bands and party. it takes alot of courage to go out when you don't feel like it, but i've found out alot of time it is better than sitting home although i do enjoy sitting home a nice treat. i hope you can do it again soon good luck

I enjoy staying in, going out alone, and going out with friends (mainly only close friends), depending on the circumstances and my mood at the time. Putting my costume together helped get me in the mood to go out.

Glad you had fun.

I love your name,btw. I smile anytime I see it in a post. It is so radically different than Dances with Wolves.

[*Laurie*]

Hey Dances, I'm so glad you're H'ween turned out well