[rhan96]

Hey guys, I'm new here. Well I have been wrestling with this social problem for years, in fact my whole life possibly. I have always been seen as shy and quiet, although secretly I am trying my best to talk to others. I often struggle very hard to come up with decent conversation starters that sounds engaging and relevant enough to the person I am trying to talk to. However I do sometimes come up with good conversation starters, but I am absolutely terrible at carrying it on - I just don't feel that what I'm saying is funny or interesting enough. I think constantly about how I appear to other people as I talk, eg. am I nice enough, am I interesting enough, etc., instead of focusing on letting the conversation flow. Although rare, I even have these problems when I'm talking to my best friend, even though we have the best and most genuine banter together pretty much all the time. Talking just seems so draining and full of effort, especially when it's to someone I am interested in meeting.

There's all these anxiety-like symptoms I suffer as I attempt to make conversation, but when I've sunk enough drink into me, these conversational barriers just fall down and I automatically become much more skilled conversation-wise. I don't feel the need to rely on alcohol (I know how to control myself) but it seems like the only time when I can have a genuine conversation is when I'm drunk.

I've managed to fight off the depression that resulted from this problem all by myself, and am starting to improve my self-esteem. I have come to the realisation that I am way too overthinking, meek, self-conscious and sensitive, creating this shy person I don't want to be, and I just need to be more expressive of myself. So what I really need help with is...

How can I become a person who knows how to NOT GIVE A **** about all these pressures? Instead of trying to be this boring, overly nice person on the outside, how can I learn to talk to people with my heart? I seriously want to make more friends, and I would appreciate help... I've opened up to my best friend about it but all he did was tell me that people really like me after all, which I appreciate, but it's not enough to help me.

My goal is to be a genuine, confident person who is also nice.

[avlady]

could you talk to a therapist? they could help you deal with anxiety about conversating with another person, i wish you well!!!good luck

[Thunder Bow]

Booze makes you talk, I see that all the time on the reservation. I seen drunk people talk endlessly, going on and on and on, never stopping. Booze impaires your judgement and higher brain function, thus, as you just said, your anxiety goes away, when your drunk. Most of the talk I see from drunk people is just non sense, and seems quite random and boring. It can be dangerous if it involves violence and hate. Drunk people can do violent things to others.

You can do meaningful talk and conversation much better, when you are sober. If you want to be a genuine, confident person who is also nice, then stop drinking. As said above, Therapy can help with the anxiety, if it is to overwhelming and stops you from speaking from your heart.

[kaliope]

all i can think of is practicing with your best friend until you feel really comfortable. then using that knowledge that you CAN do it when talking to others. i think it is about using a lot of positive self talk to boost your self esteem to help you believe you are worthy and what you say is something of value to others.