[Izo39]

ok so I do stupid stuff and then I go ballistic on myself.
The worst part of it is how horrible it feels. I get a headache I feel like I'm going to explode, my heart races, and I tense up. panic and anxiety take over. I think horrible mean thoughts about myself. and then I self-harm. My question is..why do I do this? It's not like I had a horrible abusive childhood. What is wrong with me?????!!!!

[Thunder Bow]

You may have been neglected as a child. Parents occupied with other stuff, while you were growing up. Therapy is you best way out of feeling as you do.

[Ponder]

It's great that you recognize that yuo are saying horrible mean stuff to yourself. That might be a good place to start. Have you heard of a book called "Feeling Good: Te New Mood Therapy"? It's by David Burns I think. Anyway it talks about how what we think creates our feelings and it tells about how what we say to ourselves is distorted and untrue. He helps you figure out what lies you are telling yourself and how to change how you talk to yourself. It is absolutely amazing how quickly some of your feelings can change when you speak to yourself without distortion. Anyway, the technique is called Cognitive Behavior Therapy and it really helps people. It really helped me anyway. It's easier if you have a counselor that can help with it at first because it is a skill that takes some practice.

Hope you feel better soon. Feel free to PM me if you need resources.

[BLUEDOVE]

You may have that opinion about your childhood because as a
child,we think everybody was treated the same way as us.
Also,that any behavior by parents was ok because we had nothing to compare it against,so to a child any behavior seems
'normal'.

[Loss4wards]

I'm new to the forum, but not so much so to self injury. I've had episodes where I lose control and the self harm seems almost like a means of bringing my emotions under control. Maybe it's something similar for you? Just a thought..