[mugenishere]

I [31M] was seeing a therapist [3X F] for 3 years. I'm suffering from social phobia and social anxiety and had been seeing her on a weekly basis. I improved a hell lot with her help! Started facing lots of situations that were fearful for me. She used to listen to me and help me change my opinions.

Her most amazing technique was asking questions. She would ask a lot of questions and it would bring out my assumptions. Then she would ask more questions that would lead me to an answer, or make me think more logically about my fears.

However, in the last few months she changed. She wasn't asking me these questions anymore. She wouldn't explore my topic more deeply. And I felt that where once she used to reassure me with "that is quite courageous", or "that must have been emotionally draining for you. That would explain why you don't feel like XYZ".

I tried bringing this up to her but she said that "the questions are only needed when the client is new" and on another attempt she said that she "still does ask questions". I felt like I wasn't making progress over the next few months so I asked her about seeing a different therapist because I felt I wasn't moving forward anymore. I stopped seeing her about 3 months back
So can someone please explain:

1) Was she sick/tired of dealing with me?

2) Any ideas what was going on? Why did she stopped asking me those incredible questions?

[pegasus]

Hi, we are a peer led support group so there are no professional therapists here but we do have a lot of knowledgeable and experienced members here. You might also like to ask your question in the Psychotherapy forum.

Therapy is different for everyone and needs to be client led, often a lot of questions are asked at the beginning so that the therapist can get a feel for the issues you are facing. Then therapy often will be about learning good coping strategies so that you can cope with the heavier stuff. The therapist judges how quickly or slowly to progress but it is also up to the client to say and share how they feel. Progress can be slow especially when dealing with trauma related issues, it does not matter at what speed the progress is.

[amandalouise]

i cant speak for the therapist that you are talking about but I can tell you that there are many different ways treatment providers work with their clients. one way is to ask questions then after a while have the client take the lead. this approach comes from a standard of clients know why they are in therapy, they know what they need to work on, so once they understand what therapy is to back off and let them tell you what their problems are without the treatment provider needing to walk them through the process.

Im guessing that this treatment provider feels you are at a place in your therapy that you dont need someone treating you like a child asking questions to get you to open up, maybe they think you are ready to take the lead and be proactive in your therapy rather than what we call in my location "follow the leader" game of follow the therapist.

my suggestion is decide ahead of time what you want to work on with your therapist and then go prepared to work on those issues that you are having a problem with, be proactive rather than playing follow the leader.

another suggestion if you think you may not be ready for taking the initive with your therapy sessions maybe you can tell your therapists now or in the future that you like it when a therapist leads with questions and explain why you like that approach. then the therapist can let you know if they can do that for you.

[(JD)]

I'm curious as to her response when you mentioned about seeing another therapist... if you made that a certainty then she would not have rebuffed it, ethically a licensed therapist just won't and can't work at keeping a paying patient that way.... but if you truly tried to discuss it and she didn't respond, then when you left you took it out of her hands. An ethical therapist does not make "first" contact once a patient makes such a decision.
Since you already have a report with the T, you could call her and see if she can share anything further on the phone, or once you show you'd like to give her another try, if she is open to it and shares anything that makes you feel it might work.... then go.

I always asked as many questions as I could get away with, and even in chat now (long since being in practice) when I'm trying to just help someone as another member here, I may ask a lot of questions. I can see your T's point of how that is for "new" patients and fact gathering.... but if you still need more of that, if you aren't ready to begin working on how you think about things on your own and need that prompt, maybe your former T just moved too fast for you? At some point though you need to be letting the T know on your own, without all the questions.

No one did anything wrong... your T nor you. Have you thought about what progress you thought you were making and how you think you need to continue that progress? If you could share more of that with this T, then again it may work out just fine. (Breaks in therapy can often enhance the therapy process.)

[mugenishere]

Originally Posted by (JD)

I can see your T's point of how that is for "new" patients and fact gathering.... but if you still need more of that, if you aren't ready to begin working on how you think about things on your own and need that prompt, maybe your former T just moved too fast for you? At some point though you need to be letting the T know on your own, without all the questions.

Thanks a lot for replying! Although she did say it's for new patients she practiced it with me for about 2 years. It was a fantastic technique those questions! She would ask me all sorts of questions all focused around the problem area. They dug deeper and deeper and helped me understand my problems.

I feel that it's some kind of a psychotherapy technique and not just questions for new clients like she said. If it were then there's no reason why she would continue using it for 2 years. Her questions helped me a great deal with fearful situations even outside of her clinic. They all decrease the fear. They're definitely some kind of logic-related technique.

(Breaks in therapy can often enhance the therapy process.)

Oh is that true? Is it something known among counselors that clients can go on a break and come back again? I would love to meet her again and see how much I can improve with her. I started facing my fears within months of meeting her. She filled up my life with tremendous energy. But I think she's probably angry with me because I have so many issues.and that's why she stopped asking me questions. Although when I asked her she denied it.