[Joe189]

my girlfriend age 60, works with a woman age 24 who has taken her in as a roommate. The young woman's mother has passed away several years ago. She feels my girlfriend is like a mother to her and even calls her her adopted mother. This young woman seems to want to go where my girlfriend and I go. I think the girl is upset when my girlfriend doesn't include her on things. the young woman doesn't have many friends and no family around her..they live elsewhere or overseas. Recently I feel that this young woman has tried to ruin my relationship..but don't know for sure, but now my girlfriend feels that we need a break....since then, the young woman is posting pictures of her and my "former" girlfriend out doing things and now seems to be wanting to be a part of my "former" girlfriend's family...almost adopting them as her own. I seemed to be in the way and the young woman couldn't have her "adopted mother" to herself....I wouldn't doubt that this young woman doesn't try to set up her widowed dad with my "former" girlfriend. Is there a name for this kind of action/behavior

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Joe, and welcome! I don't know of any particular name for what this girl is up to. But it sounds to me like she really does want a mother to give her what's she's missed out on and wants. And she is jealous of anyone who takes her "mother's" attention away from her. Sad, because it strikes me as more like the behavior of a child.

Is it possible the girl has some type of personality disorder? Time well tell if she gets angry with your girlfriend and then rejects her--only to try to pull her back into the relationship later--a fear of abandonment which suggests borderline personality disorder.

Too bad your girl friend is not able to set boundaries. She must be worried about the girl falling apart, since the girl sounds so needy. Is your girlfriend attracted to those kinds of folks? Does she feel the need for a "daughter"?

You might not know the answers. I am not an expert and am just thinking out loud. I hope your girlfriend will miiss you and rekindle her closeness with you.

[healingme4me]

I don't even know what to say? What does the color of her skin got to do with it?

[vonmoxie]

hm4m, I'm guessing that's a reference to the movie, in which the person answering the ad that starts "SWF" (single white female) ends up fearing for her life because of the nature of the new roommate's increasingly obsessive interest in her, and not any reflection on anything racial.

Joe, I'm surprised that your girlfriend would hitch her star to the wagon of someone so many decades younger; but it does sound like this person has been deeply flattering to her ego. Should the young woman become disillusioned at some point, or find somewhere else to re-invest her attention, your girlfriend might end up without a paddle on the creek as far as a living situation is concerned.

I don't know if there's a particular name for the behavior, but it does sound a bit manipulative, and cavalier .. and the younger we are sometimes, the more guiltlessly we are able to toy with others' emotions, because we haven't as often experienced the sting of heartbreak. At least that's been my experience.