[Soccerplayer101]

I believe that my friends dad is abusing him. He constantly puts him down on/off the field and blatantly says he is nothing compared to his step brother. (Soccer) i play on the same team as him and we just lost very badly, but his step-brother of the same age plays for the youth squad of whitecaps (MLS). He told me that he is having bad troubles at home but does not want to talk about it. After frustration of not winning he left our team group chat and i feel he is going to quit. I want to help him badly. I told him after he quit the chat that in order to succeed on the field he needs to leave his emotions off the pitch. But i think i pinched a nerve. Is what i said good or bad? How do i help him through this? I feel that he badly needs help and i dont know how to help him.We are 16 btw.

[iwonderaboutstuff]

I don't think what you said is bad. It's true that emotions can get in the way of playing well. If you think it wasn't well received, it probably had everything to do with the timing. "bad troubles at home" could mean a lot of things and blended (i.e. step) families can have complicated dynamics. Maybe you could try saying something like.."hey I hope you're not thinking of quitting the team. I know things are bad at home and you don't want to talk about it. I just want you to know I'm here for you, you can trust me."

[Thunder Bow]

You might want to direct him to Counseling. Are the coaches aware of his situation at home? They would be in a better place to help him.

[Soccerplayer101]

Well my dad is the coach, and we are trying to help but its a thin line without stirring up families. So idk how best to help.

[Tauren]

Have you suggested that he see the school counselor?

Perhaps you yourself should see the school counsellor.

No amount of urging your friend to talk or seek assistance will help unless your friend feels safe to do so. That is why I agree that the school counsellor might be a good route.

Soccer, as with many competitive sports, can really produce some highly competitive parents. If this abuse is occuring on the field then it is supposed to be handled by the official (not sure about BC but here in Saskatoon each coach and each official must take courses in dealing with such situations). It is a tough situation for your dad (coach) to be in too.

My son is a head coach for a club here and he has told me of parents he has barred from the fields.

[IceCreamKid]

Urge your friend to go to the soccer coach or a school teacher and tell him or her what is going on.

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by Soccerplayer101

Well my dad is the coach, and we are trying to help but its a thin line without stirring up families. So idk how best to help.

You father could contact the school authorities about this. I would advise not to get personally involved in family trouble. That can be dangerous.

SoccerPlayer. I do hope the recommendations we have made are of some help to you. It appears all are in agreement that seeking help from school authority figures is an important route to helping your fried's situation (including you.

You mentioned a step-brother. Is your friend the biological son or the step son?

My ex had a great deal of difficulty over a similar situation (interestingly also over soccer). It was my son that excelled while his own son wasn't quite as stellar. We really had to concentrate hard on positively encouraging his son. I know at times his dad was a great deal disappointed but thank goodness he hid that from the boys. WHile we encouraged the bio son to continue with soccer, we also encouraged him to find other activities. While the one boy then excelled at a single sport, his brother I think was more rounded.

Is it possible then to encourage your friend to find alternate or additional activities?

[That What]

Originally Posted by Soccerplayer101

Well my dad is the coach, and we are trying to help but its a thin line without stirring up families. So idk how best to help.

From a "girl".. non-soccer player.....rare spectator long ago so game plan adjustments..definitely and worded..trying to cover all bases...yeah.....softball was my game.

What do soccer coaches and soccer players do best...replay game films and strategize and prevent repeat wrong foot positions and write on game boards.

Friend's Dad marries a strange mom with a strange son. So four strangers forced into a family" type relationships under on home starting with a "boy/girl" stating. All experiences is "ex" baggage.

Friend has Zero female attachment. 3 men fighting over/under 1 women and two men have legal and emotional ties. Odd man out.

Odd "man"out in a soccer game...soccer BALL. Most important part of game with zero voice and zero choice.

Dropped into play ball..same as crazy emotional anger or crying or outburst dropped on someone unexpectedly.

"I didn't do it." Problem getting caught up in denying false takes eye off ball so someone steals ball and your running around trying to get ball back to score goal.

Strange son benefits on both goal lines through Mom/Wife legal and emotional ties to Friend's Dad. Mom/Wife also benefits on both goal lines as head referee in the middle of two side line referees and family teams.

Friend's Dad is work aka visitor team coach trying to score on home teams goal keeper. Strange Mom is home team coach trying to score on visiting teams goal keeper. Goal keeper..keeps good and bad goals..quiet.

Strange son is home team with visiting team home field advantage. Two games..same time...separate across county lines placed fields. Step son to Friend's Dad but Mom is House Head Ref...Step Dad visiting work can't head ref house.

Strange Son knows how to support Strange Mom's home team coach to score against visiting teams goalie.....tugging heart strings...

You know those times you can talk mom into talking to dad and talk Dad into talking to mom. Minor situations based on experience. Step son has experience with step mom and plays same mom-dad games learned in Dad's home.

Friend's Dad and strange mom has minimal experience as a couple and co-parenting one boy together yet trying to co-parent 2 sons based on experience from other relationships does not work.

Step-Mom Home Team coach between and through two emotional and legal obligated majority aged man/ minor aged baby boy makes strange Mom HEAD REFEREE and friend's Dad and strange son side line referees.

Friend's Dad attempts treating both boys as equals...both responsible for chores. Strange boy doesn't like chores ...strange boy whines pulling heart strings...."mom...he treats me different cause I'm not his son." Possibly trigger...taking son away from dad.

All running around in circles...no one really scoring goals...only appears scoring cause focused on scoring goal not building team work skills and communication

Friend starts internalizing trying to figure out what friend is doing "wrong." Not right.

Defending self is not right. Yelling at Referee....yellow or red carded.

Friend's field level position drawn on ground midfield line and soccer ball.

Soccer a sport played with head and feet..no hands...sounds..whistles...players calling out and crowds calling out.

Friend does not have head, hands and/or feet on ball.

Why does Friend need a your mom, your dad and you? Same men:women ratio with your families members experience as a family.

Draw on a face on a soccer ball and kick ball around...eyes on ball cannot see where ball and who and what is kicking ball and no mouth or say or choice as a minor child under dad house rules.

Friend needs others eyes to see and run game films and mom's special insight to "boys" games.

All your friend has to go on is ORAL WORDS. Dropped ball into play as starting point, facing goal kick. Friend is kicked ball into goal.

Reverse oral words into starting game and all players position to learn none defensive and none offensive back moves. Game plan is pulling ball away from players try to score goal to bringing back to game start.

Game film played backwards to see feet pulling ball and back pedaling stepping back.

Friend cannot stop something friend is not doing and/or causing. Friend has to prevent continuing to inadvertently be dropped ball into game.

The foot work learning if feet to right side to go around player to score...reverse feet would move to left side back pedaling. Why? angry person expect confrontation running...not slow reverse facing back pedaling.

If person comes from your left side...you retreat to you left side...person expects you to run away...right side..person follows...attacks.

Dropped into play ball...not about Friend personally.

Non-verbal skills. Shaking head side ways appears as "no" response to others wanting defensive response...appears as NO response cause is NO defensive response is an offensive response. Hands up showing palms appears as give up or hold up or stick up...sticking up for self without engaging while keeping quiet while holding up by stopping traffic.

What happens if hands touch ball? Game stopped.

The game strategy is about head/hand/feet positioning according to BALL point of view not to goal keeping and/or goal scoring.

Why? From kicked ball spot to goal is a straight line. Running around field or side way kicking ball blurs lines appears circling or arches or ball trajectory...however... ball is always a straight line towards goal...players positions and ball air levels or ground bouncing change. Clear away clutter...straight lines.

Drawing "emotional" situations on paper similar to a soccer field game plan...you can also draw in field lines. By looking at people as players on a soccer field and emotions as a ball...eyes open

Some stranger stopped on front porch talking then turned angry. I replayed "game" Stranger had position back into corner wall on right side and door on left straight line running into corner post of square porch with head turned left side so felt cornered and tried a "corner" kick. Stranger tripped over feet with angry confusing words. I shook head and stepped back...stranger ran to strangers right side and down the street.