What is the Problem?

(I am so very sorry this is really long but give me a chance)

Hey. Okay so lately I have decided to join here and ask for help. I’m not sure if I have a mental disorder or not, but I wanna know. Hear me out.
So, firstly, I know very well that online tests and quizzes are not diagnostic tools. I have been taking tests on this website and other websites (also did Sanity Score) and have been getting results that it is very likely for me to have a few mental disorders, such as Depression, Bipolar, Anxiety, and some like Borderline, Avoidant, and Paranoia. I have checked out the pages for these disorders, and the symptoms are quite accurate compared to what I have been feeling.


I have mainly been feeling empty. Always had low self-esteem. I’ve become very pessimistic, I don’t enjoy things like I used to, and I have this horrible, constant Existential Crisis going on for a long time, and I feel so alone. I keep thinking about death- not really suicide, but death in general. I have been crying at night for about a week, and it wouldn’t stop for like 20 minutes. These and some other things make me think I might have Depression of some sort, yet I’m not sure if it’s just Depression or Bipolar. I do get mood swings, all the time, even a few times a day. I am irritated and angered really easily by every little thing. I also have trouble sleeping, because it takes me about an hour to fall asleep and I stay up late. Mainly it is because my thoughts race through my head, through majority of the day, but especially at night.

Yet, at the same time, in evenings and late hours in general I feel very restless and energized. I don’t necessarily feel happy, but just not tired at all, and I feel like I could go on an adventure. During the day (mostly), the things that make me sad don’t bother me at all and I feel drained, like I just don’t care. I laugh a lot at that time too. Of course, thoughts race through my mind, jumping from one idea to the next, and when I talk, I talk really fast. These things make me think I could have Bipolar, but I’m not sure if my mood swings aren’t too rapid for that. There are times, rarely though, were I feel almost Euphoric. When at school and with people, I am a genuinely funny person who always makes puns and laughs A LOT at everything.


I could have Anxiety, generalized or social, I don’t know. I don’t like going outside. I can get grumpy if I have to. I like to spend a lot of time in my room, alone. I absolutely HATE public speaking, or anything that involves me in front of a lot of people- it feels like my face is burning and my eyes water. I feel uncomfortable with people I don’t know, and I tend to avoid social gatherings and stay home instead. I get really nervous. I have really bad trust issues and trust no one- not my friends nor family. I get really suspicious and I keep thinking that my friends all actually hate me and talk about me behind my back ( I have had a few nightmares to do with this). I get that feeling in public that people are looking at me and laughing. Also, my mind tends to go to worst case scenarios when I worry- which I do a lot. I also get very panicky when I don’t know the who, why, what, where and when of a situation.
Some of these probably fit in the Avoidant, Paranoia and Borderline categories.


Well I haven’t told anyone any of this either.


I thought that this has been going on for only about 2 months, but I was recently looking through my Journal and turns out it’s been going on for a whole year! This is how it started: “I have to say, I have been feeling a bit weird lately. I felt suddenly really depressed and just felt like crying for no reason.”
So yeah this is my situation. Someone please tell me what you think about this.

P.S: I also have this problem where at a ‘party situation’ where people are having fun, loud music playing, drinks, laughter etc. I panic, and I feel unsafe, threatened, and I have to escape and go hide somewhere alone, isolated. Why is this?
P.P.S: Could this have anything to do with me just being a teenager, or an INFJ (for those who know what that is?)

This could be any number of issues. If it started when you were very young "6-7 years old," I'd say ADHD is possible. Bipolar can affect teens, but usually doesn't. It could be stress and hormones. You really should talk to a professional about your issues. I just don't have the answers. You mention drinking and partying. While this is normal teenage behavior, it can cause serious consequences. It can interfere with sleep, and lead to stress and other mental health issues.

If you are concerned, then I would suggest seeing a psychologist who can evaluate you properly. Nobody on this forum can do it accurately.

You sound normal to me. That party may have indeed been threatening on some level. It was good that you left it. Good move. Always trust your feelings around that kind of stuff. Do not be over critical of yourself, and fish for labels for yourself. Seeing an counselor about your anxiety will help you get a hold on it.