[Misty1212]

Please someone tell me if this is sign of early emotional abuse 'my fiancé is telling me to not listen to certain genre of music as he doesn't like it'. I was really thrown of by his comment.

[Jbeancoaster]

Maybe ask him why? I ask people to turn off doo wop music because it triggers bad memories about my abusive ex. If it is just to be controlling and non-compromising I would think about examining his motivation.

[Mountainbard]

Misty that is being pretty uncaring of your fiance, at least. I guess it would depend on how long you've been together and if you've seen anything else like this from him. If you think it might be, can you talk to a minister or counselor about it? It's a big question to have hanging over your head with someone you're going to marry.

[nicoleflynn]

It isn't abusive, but it IS controlling. THe Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans is a book I recommend to everyone on the planet!

Originally Posted by Misty1212

Please someone tell me if this is sign of early emotional abuse 'my fiancé is telling me to not listen to certain genre of music as he doesn't like it'. I was really thrown of by his comment.

It's ok if he doesn't like the same music as you.

What is definitely not ok is for him to "forbid" you to listen to anything you like, as if you were his subordinate or something like that. He should put away that 50's calendar, we're in 2016...

It's not abuse yet, but that is how it all starts: a little attempt to control here, another try elsewhere, and before you know it... well, you know.

[avlady]

i don't know if i could be with someone who doesn't like my music because i am always listening to the music on the radio or driving in car with him. it is a big issue for me. maybe he's not being abusive but has bad memories. i even met a person that doesn't like any kind of music and i wondered about it alot only to realise she had a lot of bad past issues and now i understand.

[Misty1212]

To be precise is we are from different culture, and the 'hip-hop' music i listen to,he is not a fan of that!
It is just petty **** but as previous poster said it a start from something very little!
This is not the only thing it has been about my cloths, staying out late at night (which i don't like anyway).
And i am going to be marrying this person in less than a year!

[doyoutrustme]

purhaps you should go to couples counseling. it's shown to be very beneficial for couples to have t together before taking the plunge

[Trippin2.0]

My ex was like that... He started small and worked his way up gradually over the years.


My rock music was noise, my skirts were too short, my hair should be long black and straight, my friends should be pre-approved and female, I shouldn't go out anywhere remotely fun without him, blah blah blah... All under the guise of it being best for me.


I was young and stupid, I fought back against his attempts to control me, but sadly was not smart enough to recognize them as brightass warning signs.


In the end he beat me to a pulp and I left.

[Misty1212]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

My ex was like that... He started small and worked his way up gradually over the years.


My rock music was noise, my skirts were too short, my hair should be long black and straight, my friends should be pre-approved and female, I shouldn't go out anywhere remotely fun without him, blah blah blah... All under the guise of it being best for me.


I was young and stupid, I fought back against his attempts to control me, but sadly was not smart enough to recognize them as brightass warning signs.


In the end he beat me to a pulp and I left.

That is so scary! His actions do sound similar and i keep reminding him that it is always like 'your way or no way' he gets upset and always tell me that i keep blaming him for things.
In the end he comes out as an angel and i am the one feeling like shite.

[neverending]

I have found certain types of music trigger an aggitated state of both mania n anxiety in me. If I was in the car n he turned that type of music on I would have to have him switch the station to something calmer. That is not controlling. It was taking care of both mhyself n him because much of that type of music turns me into a screaming banshee iver absolutely nothing!

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by neverending

I have found certain types of music trigger an aggitated state of both mania n anxiety in me. If I was in the car n he turned that type of music on I would have to have him switch the station to something calmer. That is not controlling. It was taking care of both mhyself n him because much of that type of music turns me into a screaming banshee iver absolutely nothing!

This ^ is quite different from this;

Originally Posted by Misty1212

.... the 'hip-hop' music i listen to,he is not a fan of that!

It is just petty **** but as previous poster said it a start from something very little!

This is not the only thing it has been about my cloths, staying out late at night (which i don't like anyway).

And i am going to be marrying this person in less than a year!

[Misty1212]

And what i realised next day, we had one hour phone discussion on basically him saying that ' i like hip-hop music so i like that culture and those people" and being mildly racist
We are not Caucasian so may he thinks that **** can fly! But i love every culture, it was very ignorant .
And telling how i should listen to normal music.
but how bad it is to argue on this petty thing .
(Excuse me my English isn't that good).