[Aina]

...but maybe something else. I was blind to this issue for an incredibly long time even though it's probably the greatest and perhaps even the most severe problem of my psyche.

I always feel like I am imperfect, I constantly match myself with other people to see who is prettier, thinner, more original, or more interesting. Whenever I compare myself with others, I can usually see how they are better than me in so many ways and I am just worse... I can experience very intense feelings of envy, shame and inferiority.

I know I need to make myself better, to be better and I have this idea of how my perfect self should be, but all I see are my flaws.

I obsess about my looks, fashion, figure etc... these things look like a "normal" issue for a woman, but I know they can go to an unhealthy extreme in my case.
This had brought me several issues with eating disorders such as bulimia, or anorexia and later EDNOS.

I don't follow fashion trends or the general idea of beauty, all I have is my idea of perfection that I feel like I need to reach, but all I know is how far from that I am.

I am so insecure, I feel so shy in social situations, never good enough, always imperfect, inferior. I feel like people won't ever like me unless I achieve my ideal and I know I won't ever like me unless I become the person I wanna be.

I am also always insecure about what others think of me, I expect rejection and shame. I am able to hate myself so much...to feel so much anger and hatred on me.

I constantly change my hair colour, hair style because I think I need to change everything about how I look all the time. I get piercings or tattoos or make myself look more "interesting" etc...

I feel like one day when I reach my ideal, be my ideal weight (which is like really anorexic goal and I know it is), one day when I be the person I wanna be, maybe I can be happy... but I can't now.

Also I am unable to make a decision, to make up my mind, to be sure about something.... I always doubt everything and I always feel insecure about everything I do . I always feel like I need to change and change and never stop changing...

It's just crazy.

It's like I have no sense of confidence, this is not like low self-confidence, but completely non existing self-confidence.

Can this be called a self-confidence issue or is it something more severe? Can this be an identity issue?

Originally Posted by Aina

...but maybe something else. I was blind to this issue for an incredibly long time even though it's probably the greatest and perhaps even the most severe problem of my psyche.

I always feel like I am imperfect, I constantly match myself with other people to see who is prettier, thinner, more original, or more interesting. Whenever I compare myself with others, I can usually see how they are better than me in so many ways and I am just worse... I can experience very intense feelings of envy, shame and inferiority.

I know I need to make myself better, to be better and I have this idea of how my perfect self should be, but all I see are my flaws.

I obsess about my looks, fashion, figure etc... these things look like a "normal" issue for a woman, but I know they can go to an unhealthy extreme in my case.
This had brought me several issues with eating disorders such as bulimia, or anorexia and later EDNOS.

I don't follow fashion trends or the general idea of beauty, all I have is my idea of perfection that I feel like I need to reach, but all I know is how far from that I am.

I am so insecure, I feel so shy in social situations, never good enough, always imperfect, inferior. I feel like people won't ever like me unless I achieve my ideal and I know I won't ever like me unless I become the person I wanna be.

I am also always insecure about what others think of me, I expect rejection and shame. I am able to hate myself so much...to feel so much anger and hatred on me.

I constantly change my hair colour, hair style because I think I need to change everything about how I look all the time. I get piercings or tattoos or make myself look more "interesting" etc...

I feel like one day when I reach my ideal, be my ideal weight (which is like really anorexic goal and I know it is), one day when I be the person I wanna be, maybe I can be happy... but I can't now.

Also I am unable to make a decision, to make up my mind, to be sure about something.... I always doubt everything and I always feel insecure about everything I do . I always feel like I need to change and change and never stop changing...

It's just crazy.

It's like I have no sense of confidence, this is not like low self-confidence, but completely non existing self-confidence.

Can this be called a self-confidence issue or is it something more severe? Can this be an identity issue?

I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time.

I don't think you have an identity issue; I believe this is a self-esteem issue. Self-esteem is your beliefs regarding yourself. Furthermore, I think we should put self-esteem on a continuum or spectrum. It's best to be in the middle of the self-esteem spectrum.

Your self-esteem may be low due to cognitive distortions. For example, someone expresses a non-critical comment to you, and you interpret the comment as a critical comment.

I think it would be helpful to see a therapist who is trained in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). The therapist will help you with cognitive restructuring.

I hope this helps.