[totet]

Hello,
I actually don't know how to entitle this subject. This discussion is quite delicate and sensible so I will go directly to it. I'm 18, currently studying in a quite good school and my program is very difficult and stressful. My mother (we aren't native and she divorced) quit her job to come here and stay with me during these difficult periods. But we don't actually have legal papers and my mother has to stay in an old man 's house. The man's about 70 and my mom is 45. I don't agree on there relationship though there hasn't been anything. The man asked for my mom's sentiment once but she refused. It has been a while since he asked. But that man keeps offering his help to my mom, making her dependent on him ( he suggests to drive my mom to anywhere she needs to go, he always insists on giving my mom a drive, he enjoys going to supermarket with my mom, he enjoys involving in her activities, he enjoys involving in the conversation between me and mom which makes me pretty mad). Since she has to spend times with him, starts to change her point of view and has more common points with him. Every weekend I go home, I can talk very little to her, because she doesn't support my scientific studies, she prefers I study arts and litterateur, she seems ignore everything I say and only laughs with him. I feel like being replaced, and Really pissed of. ( even though he is nice) I just don't like the fact that he is as old as my grandpa and he is very graceless. I don't know how to react to this situation, I really need to calm down and concentrate on my study right now, but these things keep messing with me. I really need an advice, please help me find a way out.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, totet, and welcome to Psych Central! Even though my parents weren't divorced, I can understand what it's like to feel replaced. That said, your mom deserves to have a man in her life, if she desires. He can't really "replace" a daughter, since you'll always be one to her. I encourage you to also see things from her point of view. He helps her out and is company to her. Most women enjoy that kind of attention.

Technically, you are no longer an official "child," but you are an adult. It is nice for your mom to be with you during your schooling, but she doesn't have to do it.

I encourage you to try to accept this man in your mother's life. I know that can be hard, but life will be better for you if you do. Be glad she has someone who cares about her. The main thing is he is good to her, is it not?

Also, tell your mother you would like some time with her. Maybe suggest you two go somewhere together, cook together, etc. Do something nice for her.

Also, see about finding some friends you can enjoy time with--at least during breaks from school. Begin looking for someone special in your life to marry when your schooling is done and look forward to that.

Meanwhile, let your mom have her life and start having one of your own.. Please don't allow anger/bitterness to ruin your life and interfere with your studies.

Congratulations on your career desires. You sound like a smart woman with a lot to contribute to the world. Okay?

[totet]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Hi, totet, and welcome to Psych Central! Even though my parents weren't divorced, I can understand what it's like to feel replaced. That said, your mom deserves to have a man in her life, if she desires. He can't really "replace" a daughter, since you'll always be one to her. I encourage you to also see things from her point of view. He helps her out and is company to her. Most women enjoy that kind of attention.

Technically, you are no longer an official "child," but you are an adult. It is nice for your mom to be with you during your schooling, but she doesn't have to do it.

I encourage you to try to accept this man in your mother's life. I know that can be hard, but life will be better for you if you do. Be glad she has someone who cares about her. The main thing is he is good to her, is it not?

Also, tell your mother you would like some time with her. Maybe suggest you two go somewhere together, cook together, etc. Do something nice for her.

Also, see about finding some friends you can enjoy time with--at least during breaks from school. Begin looking for someone special in your life to marry when your schooling is done and look forward to that.

Meanwhile, let your mom have her life and start having one of your own.. Please don't allow anger/bitterness to ruin your life and interfere with your studies.

Congratulations on your career desires. You sound like a smart woman with a lot to contribute to the world. Okay?

Thank you for your advice , it's very kind of you to suggest me that. I'm still not really familiar with this kind of relationship, he's very very old and ugly, plus his kids are also physically unattractive, and they are also very selfish, they treat their dad like trash. I don't like my mom to stay with a near-to-death man like that, few years after she'll have to spend her life taking care of that person, And I don't want her to be emprisoned like that. I really want her to have her own life and not stick to some old ugly disable man. Can you please explain why should I accept this relationship? It's clearly disavantage for my mom.

[Thunder Bow]

You can not run your mothers life, or can you have her all to yourself. I suggest you concentrate on your own life and studies, as you should. Let your mother take her own risks with who she wants to associate with.

[Travelinglady]

I would think your mom is aware of these matters. I assume she's not mentally ill to the point of psychosis or demented. Beauty is skin deep. if he treats her well, then that's what counts.

As far as taking care of him, we can't tell the future.

It sounds as if he needs a loving "daughter."

That's why I say what I do.

P.S. I am 61 and I don't think of 70 as being "very, very old." I am also disabled, but I believe I am good company.