Advice for handling myself?

So for the past few year or so I've been feeling that something just hasn't been quiet right in my life and recently I've become more self aware of my thoughts and emotions which has helped me realize some things in my life.

I took the sanity test and scored 96. 2 Major (Physical & Technology Issues) & 13 milder concerns. I'm a bit confused on why Physical issues is a major, i might have answered a question incorrectly.
I can't post images so i'll list the 13 mild issues: General Coping 43
Life Events 31
Depression 31
Anxiety 45
Phobias 42
Self-Esteem 42
Eating Disorders 40
Schizophrenia 20
Dissociation 42
Mania 35
Sexual Issues 6
Relationship Issues 0
Alcohol 25 (i think this is because a few questions said alcohol or drugs, probably swap this score with Drugs)
Drugs 0
Physical Issues 67
Smoking Issues 0
Gambling Issues 0
Technology Issues 81
Obsessions/Compulsions 38
Posttraumatic Stress 25
Borderline Traits 38

I'll try to keep this short but have a feeling it'll be a long post...

Parents split when i was 5, dad is an alcoholic (never abusive) but would spend weekends with him growing up (mainly watching TV by myself) - my mom worked multiple part time jobs always tired.

I've never really had any close friends, even one friend that i would have previously considered a best friend in grade school to high school, i was never really open with and felt 100% comfortable around. I've always felt more comfortable around animals and still do - when i'm at someones house (rare) i usually connect more with their pet(s) than i do with them.

I've never had a 'real' relationship for longer than a month or two. The exception is that i was "involved" (basically a sugar daddy) with 2 prostitutes, one lasting for almost 2 years (she had a heroin problem), about a year of living together. Didn't end too well.

I rarely drink alcohol however i regularly smoke weed. I had one summer that i had smoked cracked a few times (maybe 8-10 times), haven't in at least 3 years now. I have also tried a Mescaline (psychedelic), which was an interesting experience.

Since I've tried Mescaline, i feel like weed has affected me differently, allowing me to make better connections between thoughts and have a major realization. Such as realizing that my childhood was a bit dysfunctional (no emotional support from either parent), anxiety since i was little...
Normally i smoke weed to relax, the way i explain it is that normally my brain is constantly racing with thoughts (good and bad) and when i smoke it slows it down and causes me to focus more on the now. (although i tend to binge eat when i smoke)

I've been seeing a therapist now for a few weeks and she's labeled me as having generalized anxiety disorder, but for some reason i want (or feel) like it's something more than that. For a week i thought i had Aspergers (mild autism) because i fit a lot of the traits, expect that i understand social situations - so i don't have it.

I constantly search for different mental problems and try to label myself with them and I'm not sure if this is healthy or not. In a sense i feel i do this to avoid dealing with the actual problems and just using a label as an excuse to have the problem.

Recently, i've stumbled across HSP (highly sensitive person) and feel that i now fit this with the exception that i'm not very empathetic towards people - to be honest 9/10 times i could care less when someone suffers.

I don't think i have depression even though i may fit the bill (i basically watch netflix 24/7) - I know i have anxiety but i feel like my not wanting to go to social events is more than anxiety - they just make me uncomfortable. There's just too much going on, i have a hard time understanding words when there's a lot of noise (i can hear the person, it's like my brain can't strip and process their words), i constantly look at everything never focusing on one thing too long. Which makes having conversations awkward because i feel like i have to force myself to stare at someone and force an expression. I also am not good at small talk and have a hard time being the center of attention in a conversation - normally i just make sarcastic jokes.

I've self-tested as INTP.
I do have low self esteem/confidence, which is why i've never been in a relationship longer than a few months. I think i also get bored in relationships that have nothing to "fix"...

I guess in a sense, i feel like i'd rather not change myself but change what i do in society to fit me better. (i.e. get a different job, change living situation, avoid unnecessary social events...) which is probably not really feasible or healthy.

I normally focus on a result or end goal not the journey and have a problem with spending too much time trying to make things perfect. I stress over decisions that I really shouldn't, for instance over the weekend I spent what seemed like 10 or 15 minutes comparing bottles of ranch at the grocery for price/ingredients/macros because i wanted low-sodium but couldn't find anything...

On average i would say that i'm never happy nor sad in life - I've just been content for the most part but feel something is missing. I think about quiting my job at least once a week (although i try to restrain from doing so as I just put an offer on a house) and have problems focusing as i don't find my job/field exciting anymore. (IT Network Admin) (i came into work 20 minutes, late and have done maybe 30 minutes of work since i got here a little over 2 hours ago)

I'm not even sure what i'm looking for by posting this. Advice, suggestions, similar experiences, questions...

Hello wwarsin: I don't have any advice or suggestions to offer. However, I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

hello. you sound alot like me in most ways. have you lookedat ADD?

Hi wwarsin!
Glad to see that you found us here at PC
This is a wonderful site and support Community with much to offer..the one thing that we can not offer is a diagnosis as to what may be going on, only a trained professional in a clinical setting working with you and the information you provide them is able to help you figure out where all your pieces may fit. As far as the sanity score quiz goes...it is not a diagnostic tool, but merely a self inquiry for personal insight. It is like all personality/ behavioural self tests, very broad and your results can vary greatly depending on how a person reads, understands, and perceives the questions...For instance, if you look at the questions and the way you answer them....what words stood out to you to incline you to answer in the way you did? You tested that you have 0 relationship issues. Which, IMHO, means that you much like myself at times, looked at a question such as I tend to end up in short intense relationships...and you probably answered towards the no end of the specturm..bc, you "don't tend to end up in any relationships"..is how you thought and answered the question in your head. When in reality, you seem aware that your lack of relationships is something that bothers you, and the one relationship you were in was toxic...so therefore, you actually do feel you may have relationship issues...correct? I don't like those style of questionaires for that reason.. that both the answer spectrum and the question wording (often, somethings, occasionally etc) leaves far to much room for interpretation. And there for can be highly inaccurate if you find yourself being a detailed oriented person. As far as your present Dx of GAD and whether there may be more going on...Idk, bc I am not a professional and I have not met you irl. I can say from my own personal experiences, that if you only recently started working w/ a T...Then give it time. Initial dxs are often based on the most obvious or seemingly the most presently distressing symptoms that you have presented. It is just a jumping off point. The longer you work with this T and the more info you provide and the better s/he gets to know you...then they may be able to help you work on "then he something more" you feel is going on with you. As far as trying to Dx yourself goes..you can drive yourself nuts trying to make heads or tails of mental disorders and what may be applicable to you. This is,common amongst all who look into mental health information.. even therapists and psychiatrists have their own team they see for their issues bx of this exact problem... all disorders have some traits that everyone feels or can view themselves in... it is only when enough criteria over a certain time frame or longer is met fully and is greatly effecting an individual's daily functioning, reported to and or observed by a professional that a Dx can be made. So best to leave these things up to your drs. That doesn't mean you should stop learning and questioning, that is healthy...just means that you should be careful about how much you allow what you read to effect you. If you feel that you may fit into a certain Dx that you have read about...talk with your therapist about it. Tell them why you feel this may apply to you and ask them to help you reality/fact check to see whether the Dx may apply or if you just may be applying yourself to the dx. Idk..if any of that is helpful?? I hope so. good luck in therapy! And hope you find much comfort, acceptance, and understanding at PC forums!
Be Well and KEEP WRITING!

Best thing to do, is to leave out all the complication. Best just to work with your Therapist around your growing up and the anxiety that came with it. Healing is more simple than you think.

Hello, wwarsin.



Sincerely,

Rainy

Hello and welcome to PC! Excellent first post. You sound like you have it pretty together, just looking for direction. Good luck on the home purchase offer.