[NeverNeverLand87]

The couple times that I have gone to counseling I notice that I put myself down, on purpose. When I tell about things that have happened or things about myself I do it in such a way that I think the other person will see how much of a loser I am, because I believe that about myself. Does anyone else do that? I feel like no matter what I say the counselor is going to think I'm a bad person, I'm not allowed to say what I really feel, especially about my mom/childhood. If I do, I'm bad, wicked, a nasty person. Does anyone else ever feel that?
I feel so embarrassed after, afraid that I will be told it's all no big deal, just suck it up, smile. I think it's because I have never had a safe/supportive confidant, and those were the messages I got growing up.

Sorry I'm not good at expressing myself, so I hope this made some sense.

Going to force myself to stick with counseling this time despite these feelings.

Sidenote: I don't understand the 'triggering' icon policy so if this has something in it triggering I am very sorry!

[Thunder Bow]

Stick with counseling with a full determination to heal. A good counselor will not think you are a bad person, and will help you understand you childhood issues.

[Skeezyks]

Hello NeverNeverLand87: I don't see a therapist at this point. I do still have a psychiatrist I see occasionally. My problem has pretty-much always been that no matter how desperate I feel inside, when I get into my pdoc's or a therapist's office, I slap a smile on my face & say everything is okay. I just never have been able to get past it. I'm glad you plan to stick with counseling. It's a process that takes time & effort.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!