[clueless24]

Hi, I've always been comfortable having "parents", I just feel comfortable that way. It used to be my mom, then for the last 8 years or so, I've been with my aunt, I'm 25. She's basically like my mom. Looks after me, and I need her permission to do stuff.

Both me and my aunt are really comfortable with this, I feel cared of, it's been helpful. I had bit of a drinking problem, my aunt helped me out, she said I'm not allowed to drink. I don't drink because of that. Similarly, I have other restrictions and stuff which keeps me in check.

At some point, I have to be independent, but I just prefer having a "parent". I don't have many good friends, the ones I do have are more destructive than good. They criticise me for having no freedom or whatever, but they don't understand how being restricted helps me out.

Hmmmm, I'm not sure what you are asking here. Are you looking for validation that this is okay?

You have that from me, but that comes with context...

I see no problem with someone your age living at home. However, I believe that doing so doesn't negate your responsibilities as an adult. I am hoping that you pay rent, etc.

My 24 year old 'lives' with his father - well, not quite. He resides in the same building. He pays a great deal to rent a suite. In addition to the rent, he has responsibilities around the home. He might be 'at home' but he more than maintains his responsibilities and independence.

[clueless24]

Well, my aunt owns the house but I do pay for stuff. I have responsibilities too, basically what I was saying is that I've had problems living away in the past, did some stupid stuff, but when I'm with 'parents', I have more self control and I listen to them.

[Skeezyks]

The Skeezyks celebrates your success, clueless24...

Originally Posted by clueless24

Well... ...when I'm with 'parents', I have more self control and I listen to them.

This a great start. But, In my opinion these responsibiltes need to be regular and set in stone. What I am getting at is that things like rent (perhaps an amount only scaled to your income) and a portion of household expenses would be more 'responsible' than spontaneous purchases or expenses. This will be of an better stepping stone to when you do find yourself on your own. It will be a valuable experience.

What has happened that you feel you need to rely upon living at home. Do you feel this reliance is appropriate.

Again, being responsible for yourself is not only the right thing to do, but will go far in giving you a sense of reliance on yourself. I truly believe the end result of this is the instilation of self-confidence and a measure of happiness in yourself too.

[Thunder Bow]

This relates to the need to want to be "Parented", as you mentioned. Because you are aware of this, you will soon out grow this need.

[clueless24]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

This a great start. But, In my opinion these responsibiltes need to be regular and set in stone. What I am getting at is that things like rent (perhaps an amount only scaled to your income) and a portion of household expenses would be more 'responsible' than spontaneous purchases or expenses. This will be of an better stepping stone to when you do find yourself on your own. It will be a valuable experience.

What has happened that you feel you need to rely upon living at home. Do you feel this reliance is appropriate.

Again, being responsible for yourself is not only the right thing to do, but will go far in giving you a sense of reliance on yourself. I truly believe the end result of this is the instilation of self-confidence and a measure of happiness in yourself too.

You're right. Sometimes I feel strange or guilty, yes.

I wish I could contribute to the house hold expenses, but I don't earn that much.

[clueless24]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

This relates to the need to want to be "Parented", as you mentioned. Because you are aware of this, you will soon out grow this need.

I hope I do grow our of it, but it also makes me feel cared for and loved at the moment. When I was alone, I didn't have anyone to say, stop drinking or come home early, and things like that.

I will need to do it myself in the future or have some one else control me to a lesser degree

[Thunder Bow]

I mean the need to be parented by your parents. Care for yourself 1st. Then you can enjoy a better connection with others.

Originally Posted by clueless24

You're right. Sometimes I feel strange or guilty, yes.

I wish I could contribute to the house hold expenses, but I don't earn that much.

Even if your income is significantly limited I would still have a discussion about what you can pay - even if it is just token - and put yourself on a schedule too. Now, in response, your 'parents' should afford you an improved acknowledgement of respect for your now new found independence and personal space.

I read above a post about a need for the comfort of 'parenting'. I thought this was bang on. I sometimes feel that need too. I am 50 years old now but still need to spend a day at my own parents home even if it is to just do nothing but read a book. I am always glad too to retreat back to my own place .

[clueless24]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Even if your income is significantly limited I would still have a discussion about what you can pay - even if it is just token - and put yourself on a schedule too. Now, in response, your 'parents' should afford you an improved acknowledgement of respect for your now new found independence and personal space.

I read above a post about a need for the comfort of 'parenting'. I thought this was bang on. I sometimes feel that need too. I am 50 years old now but still need to spend a day at my own parents home even if it is to just do nothing but read a book. I am always glad too to retreat back to my own place .

I think need for parenting is right, I am just comfortable with having someone say "no, you're not allowed to do that"

It's holiday season, my friends have one to control them, they party all night. But I go home by night, I don't drink too much,

I have lived alone, and honestly I felt such chaos not having anyone to 'report' to.

I did talk to my aunt about contributing more, she said well yeah, that would help, and that I should be more responsible and accountable.

[bornunderabadsign]

I live with my parents too. For a long time it was because I couldn't afford to live anywhere else and because I frankly I'm a little terrified with the thought of living elsewhere. But, it all changed about four years ago for a time when I had a falling out with them and couch surfed and was homeless for about a year. I moved back in with them about a year and a half ago and now am a primary caregiver/Personal Care Assistant for one of my parents. I don't like leaving home and am glad that my other parent is still mobile and can run errands because some days I have to really psych myself up to leave the house. Couldn't leave right now because I don't have the money and don't want to go. I guess I just like being their child still.

[clueless24]

Thank you sharing. My story is somewhat like this.

[KarenSue]

Sorry, but I can't relate. I've been out of my parent's home since I was 16. I like my independence and have never had trouble keeping my own life in check. Never drank nor went out with wild friends.

You could have that independence also, you just have to decide you want it and create your own appropriate rules imho.

Be a leader, not a follower. The choice of your behavior is ultimately yours, and yours alone.

Originally Posted by KarenSue

Sorry, but I can't relate. I've been out of my parent's home since I was 16. I like my independence and have never had trouble keeping my own life in check. Never drank nor went out with wild friends.

You could have that independence also, you just have to decide you want it and create your own appropriate rules imho.

Be a leader, not a follower. The choice of your behavior is ultimately yours, and yours alone.

I too have a hard time relating to this. All my life as a child I was prepared for that time, upon high school graduation, that I was expected to move out. I was 17 and moved halfway across the country for university. I had a great deal of responsibility placed upon me both in and out of the home (I started working at age 14).

I had the same expectations of my now adult children. My daughter for a time lived at home after highschool - she paid room and board (I believe a third of the income to be appropriate).

I absolutely think nothing wrong with this.