[clearly-coked]

So I just joined this site, mostly because I wanted to ask around about what's wrong with me, and to read about what other people are going through - but the reason why I'm making this thread is because I have a (several) questions about what could possibly be going on with me:

So I guess I'll just start asking:

Q1 - Why haven't I been able to eat?

I can feel my stomach growling & I haven't eaten a proper meal in a good 24+ hours. (I had two cheese sticks since I've woken up, & I attempted to eat some cereal, but after one bite my appetite depleated & I dumped it out) ((It's wasteful, I know - but I honestly couldn't eat it, despite wanting to)) I've been getting even more tired than usual, and even dizzy (when I get dizzy, it makes me panic, which isn't so good.) I'm on one of my 'unknowingly loose weight' episodes, which happens sometimes & I don't realize it til I start to get like this, or til I weigh myself. (Right now, I weigh 112 pounds, & I'm 5'5 - usually I weigh 119.) One month I eat normal & then the next I accidentally drop pounds... But right now, I'm super hungry, but I have no appetite... So I was wondering why this might be, or what this means? I'm sure it'll go away either tomorrow or the day after, (it usually does go away) but it just really sucks when this 'no appetite thing' hits me without warning, which is why I came here to figure out why it happens and what it means.


Q2 - Why am I over-sleeping?

Along with the 'barely eating' thing, I've been over sleeping. (The past three days, I've been sleeping 14+ hours, and during those hours I have not-so-great dreams & I wake up feeling like I haven't slept at all.) My sleeping schedule has been messed up for a really long time, & that might be my fault - but before these past three days of over-sleeping, the rest of the past month I've been able to run with barely enough sleep. Like at the beginning of January, I could stay up until 4 am all hyped up, and then I'd wake up at 7am, feeling like I got a full seven hours of sleep - which was really cool, actually. But maybe I'm over-sleeping because my body's catching up or something? (For the past year or so, my need for sleep changes like every other month - one month I sleep way to long, and then the next I barely even need sleep.)

What does this mean? Is there something I can do, so that I don't have bad or creepy dreams at least? A set sleeping schedule just doesn't work for me, because my sleeping needs change so much - but maybe there's something else I can do so I feel well rested at least?


Q3 - Why do I hallucinate only 'sometimes'?

Another thing about me that changes every month or so, is that I 'hear' things - I've even had a few visual hallucinations, but those are only when I'm alone & deep in it. It's weird, because I'll only have small hallucinations sometimes, (like once a month & it's usually when I'm in one of hyped up zones) Like I'll be sitting, and I'll see a girl crawling towards me from around the corner & I have to shut my eyes for a second & it'll goes away. Or sometimes I'll hear screaming or yelling or doors slamming in my head when I'm trying to go to sleep. Or I'll get this terrible feeling that there's a little kid in our bathroom, trying to get my family to kill themselves... My mother's boyfriend attempted suicide in that bathroom, and I had to rip the back messager cord off his neck, but he lived - & that was after I had those feelings that there was a boy in their bathroom trying to get them to kill themselves... which freaks me out because maybe there really is (I know there isn't, but I just consider it from time to time). But yeah, it's super weird, I know it is - and right now, I know none of that stuff is real, but when I'm in the 'zone' or whatever, or whenever I'm alone at night, I honestly for a good few minutes believe what my imagination is telling me. It's embarrassing & creepy, and I don't want this to develop into something bigger then it is - if it's even anything, I mean.

But basically, my question for this is - is there a reason why I only have weird thoughts or hallucinations like this sometimes? Or is it just my imagination getting the better of me sometimes?

Is there any way my up and down eating patterns, & my terrible sleeping schedule intertwine with any of this?


Anyways, yeah - those are my questions for now. I do have a few more concerns & questions, but this is already pretty long so I'll with hold for now.

Thanks for reading this far if you did, and any feed-back will be appreciated. (Also sorry that this post is so 'self' focusing - it probably seems really annoying for me to write this much just about myself, but I don't really know where I can ask these questions without seeming selfish.)

But yeah, thanks & have a decent day.

[*Laurie*]

Hi, Welcome to PC Before I give feedback to you, I'm wondering if your in treatment with a psychiatrist or therapist?

[eyesclosed]

Hello
Sorry I don't have no answers to your questions usally I have something to say it's good your not just ignoring it but i will say you may have had a lot more hurt in your life than you recognize these are all symptoms of depression.

I discourage you from trying to self-diagnose. This is a conversation for your doctor (and psychiatrist if you have one).

Are you medicated? Some can have effects on our appetite. Again, your doctor's can help you sort this out.