[yagr]

My therapist has encouraged me to seek out ways that I can practice self-care. We agree that I push myself extremely hard to the detriment of both my physical and mental well being. We both believe that it has gotten to the point of life or death. Everyone agrees that I need to stop pushing myself so hard. Beyond simply changing, which can be very difficult in and of itself, here's the challenge:

I became disabled four years ago. My doctor says that I can no longer work. My therapist agrees wholeheartedly. I applied for and was denied for Social Security Disability at every stage up to and including the hearing stage. We are now appealing that decision but the time frame is 18-24 months and my chances are poor of getting his ruling overturned. If denied again, my only option is to start over at the beginning. Problem is, my doctor believes that I won't last the 18-24 months at this rate and Mr. Never Give Up and Admit Defeat (that would be me) agrees with him. So here it is:

I'm working. I can't keep doing this but the whole 'find a way to survive without any income' dilemma has me in a nasty Catch-22. Because I am seeking disability, I can't work – but I have found a company willing to pay me under-the-table, which keeps me in the running. Too, I live very rural. It can't be helped – it is the closest I can get to work and still afford to live.

I wake up at 5am Monday thru Friday. I drive ten miles to a campground to take a shower because I don't have running water. After my shower, I drive another 52 miles to get to work, arriving about 7:30am. I work till 5pm, get groceries, prescriptions filled, therapy appointment, etc and get on the road home usually by 6pm. I get home at 7:30pm in too much pain to eat or sleep and wait for my meds to kick in. Pass out, come to at 5am and start all over. So here's my question:

How on earth can I practice self-care? What do I give up that I already haven't in order to make this work and me survive? What can I give up in the name of self-care and not pushing myself? There is no public transportation this far out in the boondocks so it looks like I'm stuck commuting three hours a day. I suppose I could give up my showers but really? When I get to work, I'm required to work. How can I not push myself when I get there? I mean, Friday I collapsed a dozen times at work. My legs simply went out from under me. I push the pain and exhaustion aside and push myself back up and get back to work. What choice is there? Then after work, what do I do? Not push myself to make the drive home even though it is more than I can do? Thursday I sat in my car for two hours till I could lift my head sufficiently to attempt the drive home. (I have myasthenia gravis amongst other things – latin for grave muscle weakness....hence the 'couldn't lift my head')

Seriously, any suggestions would be great – I'm at a complete loss here.

[Nammu]

I have no ideas just want to send

[crimsoncat]

I am stunned and confused as to why your disability was denied forcing you to do this it is inhumane.