[vlizaa]

I think about killing myself but then after like a few minutes i start dreaming about killing others, not that i ever want to but i have weird dreams about it and its just scaring the hell outta me but i weirdly enjoying it too, what do i do

[MickeyCheeky]

Are you seeing a therapist? Do you take meds?

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by vlizaa

I think about killing myself but then after like a few minutes i start dreaming about killing others, not that i ever want to but i have weird dreams about it and its just scaring the hell outta me but i weirdly enjoying it too, what do i do

I'm not a specialist but if you don't plan on acting on these , or don't feel the urge to do so, it might be the way in which some repressed anger (or other emotions) wants to come up and express itself. Just a thought.
Though it would really help to talk to someone, like a therapist, in more details. Take care

I agree with everything said here.

you should talk to someone

[Krow]

Feel free to heed the other guidance in the comment section, but I shall offer some advise in the instance to which you perhaps do not seek help. I could simple suggest that you solicit assistance from a therapist, which in itself would be wise enough, but there is no guarantee that you even would if I were to.

By no means am I professional, but based on the evidence you have provided, I will assume that you are rather pressured by others. Suicide can frequently exhibit two different frames of mind: Escape through poor esteem and escape through contempt or stress. In your instance, I presume it is the latter, seeing the involvement which associates others in your thought. So for that matter, I would advise to you to take your life for yourself. It is not for someone else to live, but for you alone-- no person has the right to dictate to you how you live or think. So long as you respect the lives and rights of others, then ignore their criticisms and expectations. While not every path is possible or even probable to take, there certainly are resolutions which can bring one significantly nearer. Living is not about success, conformity, or fulfilling the expectations of others. It is merely a time in which you decide for yourself what you shall accomplish.

So, if something seems impossible (which sometimes it is), then consider the dilemma at hand and evaluate the best route in which you can take to achieve the nearest results, even if the absolute is not capable of fulfillment. Furthermore, do not reject an idea simply because it is nontraditional in accordance to modern standards of "success" or "norm". In accomplishing anything, heed the recourse which results in a fair balance of security but adequate risk. Other than that, usually the mavericks are the ones who achieve the extraordinary. Never let others drag you down-- nor yourself.