[PotatoPen]

Hello,

I just joined this forum because I think I might have depression (or something similar, I don't know much about other mental health problems) but I'm not sure. And I know the best, kinda only, way to find out for sure is to see a doctor. Problem is that since I'm a teenager the only way for me to do that would be to tell my parents, and I'm not willing to do that. Even if I were, I kind of hate the idea of seeing a doctor about it either. Though I would feel better about telling my parents if I had some sort of "proof" that it was actually depression and not me just being overemotional, if that makes sense.

So I guess I was hoping to get the opinions of people who know more about it than me and have had personal experience. Here are my symptoms.
It's not consistent at all, but sometimes I get in these really downcast moods. Like where I'm just sad, for no reason, and I have no motivation to do anything and I feel guilty for being sad without reason and so forth. Even to the point where I'll spend a couple of hours on the verge of tears, which is really abnormal for me because I almost never cry and I keep my feelings to myself.
When I'm in one of these moods I also have less interest in the things that I'm usually really passionate about.
I'm tired a lot. I don't sleep well, mostly I think because I'm constantly dreaming and the dreams are the type where you're partially aware, though they aren't nightmares or anything.
Sometimes I feel really hopeless about the future. I won't go into specifics, but (if I'm in one of the moods) I'll feel like there's nothing worth "getting to", like things will only get worse, and I'll never be able to accomplish the things I want to or I'll just be stuck in a miserable job, etc. I've never actually considered suicide, but I do sometimes feel as though it would be easier if it was just over.
Finally, I did used to cut myself. I haven't done it recently and I never did it very severely, but I have done it and sometimes I still want to.

That about sums it up. The main thing that keeps me from thinking I do have depression is that, it's so sporadic. Because yeah sometimes I feel like all that, but other times, I'm totally happy and I love life. It can even change in a day-to-day or even hour-to-hour basis. But it seems like the amount of time I spend unhappy is more and more.

Also, there isn't really anything in my life that would be causing this right, such as stress or grief. I mean sure, there's stressful things now and then, but nothing out of the ordinary and nothing recent enough to be the cause.

Thanks for reading. Sorry it was so long, I'm a writer and I'm not very good at being concise. Anyway, I'd appreciate any opinions.

[CANDC]

Hi PotatoPen. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you feel you cannot discuss this with your parents. Unfortunately, to get any meaningful diagnosis a professional usually needs to be consulted.

This does not mean you can do nothing. There are lots of lifestyle changes that can help, like exercising and yoga, improving diet, practicing meditation or mindfulness, opening up to people online as you have begun to do and many more.

There are a whole series of articles about all kinds of mental health conditions. Here is one that describes a friend of mine. https://psychcentral.com/lib/phases-...olar-disorder/

You can use the search box upper right or do a google search and include Psych Central to learn more about other articles.

Feel free to send a personal message to me and or reply to this post.

[possum220]

Hello PotatoPen (I do love that name)

Hope you can find some help on this site and clarity for what is besetting you.

Mood changes and self harm as well as the other things you mention are a sign that something is wrong. The severity of self harm does not always necessarily coincide with the level of distress that a person is experiencing.

Wondering if you could go to a doctor under the guise of tiredness and sleep issues (If you do need to tell your parents something)? I find it helpful to write issues that I want to talk to the doctor about. Maybe even taking in a copy of what you have written here might also be good to let the doctor know what is happening.

Hang around PotatoPen...... You are not alone.

[Sunflower123]

Welcome to PC. Possum has some excellent advice. I hope you will figure out a way to see a doctor to see what's going on. Good luck and best wishes.

[Unrigged64072835]

When you're back at school, talk to a school counselor.

When I was a senior I went to my doctor because I had fatigue. He said it was depression. So you can work it that way.

[PotatoPen]

Thanks, everyone!

I've actually been feeling pretty good today. Not sure if that will last of course. But anyway, the doctor thing is still going to be kind of hard. . . I'm actually homeschooled so my school counselor is my mom. And even if I were to tell my parents, our family is kind of "opposed" to doctors. Myself included. Not because I think they're bad or anything, just because we just aren't comfortable with it and haven't always had positive experiences. Though that said, the extent of my interactions with doctors have been physical therapy, a surgery when I was seven, and the bare minimum for routine check-ups and such. I have a lot of social anxiety (which though it's not really a social situation, does lead me to feel nervous with doctors) and I really prefer to keep to myself, so I'll admit that the idea of going to a psychiatrist kind of freaks me out.

Anyhow, I did sort of tell my mom today. I very vaguely referenced it anyway, just to see how she'd react. She seemed skeptical that I had actual depression and wasn't just a moody person. And today I'm inclined to agree with her, since I don't feel particularly depressed, and only had like one hour where I was feeling that way. All that put together and I'm kinda worried I'm really overthinking it, or even being dramatic, so to speak. Like I'm nothing but moody but I want to justify it or be an exception, or something. Not sure if that makes any sense.

So. . . I guess at the moment maybe I'm just waiting to see if this improvement lasts. In any case, thank you all so much for your advice and kind words!

[PotatoPen]

Thank you, everyone!

I'm still kind of unsure about the doctor thing. My family avoids doctors pretty much whenever we can, though I can't give much of a reason why. I myself admittedly hate any time I do have to go to a doctor. And I'm homeschooled, so I don't have a school counselor I could see. :/

I am feeling better today, though. I guess I'm just waiting to see if the improvement will last. I did vaguely reference the possibility of me having depression to my mom, just to see how she would react. She seemed a little skeptical and said perhaps I'm just the type of person that is "moody". And honestly, today, I'm inclined to agree with her. After all can it actually be depression if I can have it one day, but the next feel almost completely fine? I'm having a hard time not thinking that I'm making too big a deal of it.

So, like I said, mostly just waiting to see how things go. In any case, though, thank you all so much for your advice and kind words! It truly means a lot.