[Lifehurdles]

is it low emotional intelligance ? or not standing up for yourself when being bullied or clowned ? what do you think ?

[Lifehurdles]

i mean weak character

[gypped]

I know that my emotional intelligence is very low, and I don't know if there is really a way to change this. I have attended seminars and read lots of self-help books about it, and personally, I came to the conclusion that my personality type is incompatible with being highly emotionally intelligent! I will never be "stoic," I am too anxious and I tend to overshare. Do I think that makes me weak of character? Maybe. I get bullied a lot at my jobs, and everyone tells me that I always play the victim (but that's not my intent!). I try to stand up for myself but people seem to see through it, and I back down.

[Lifehurdles]

Originally Posted by gypped

I know that my emotional intelligence is very low, and I don't know if there is really a way to change this. I have attended seminars and read lots of self-help books about it, and personally, I came to the conclusion that my personality type is incompatible with being highly emotionally intelligent! I will never be "stoic," I am too anxious and I tend to overshare. Do I think that makes me weak of character? Maybe. I get bullied a lot at my jobs, and everyone tells me that I always play the victim (but that's not my intent!). I try to stand up for myself but people seem to see through it, and I back down.

same thing happens to me at jobs , guess im just not resiliant enough and too sensitive to handle any sort of criticism

I've met quite a few people who I think have weak character. And I really don't get along well with people who show me they have weak character. They are not easy to trust, because they are never really honest with you about their true motives.

Someone who has a weak character is VERY self-absorbed, who focuses on themselves by dominating other people, through interpersonal control (they lie, are very manipulative, they play to the other person's weaknesses to exploit that person's vulnerabilities to suit their own agenda). They basically treat people like chess pieces on a chess board. They are only concerned with getting their own emotional and physical needs met, at the expense of others.

Also, people with a weak character are very divisive and judgmental of others. They will constantly insult you, but will disguise it as a statement or a complisult (a compliment that is really an insult). Or they will ask a question, that is really in the form of an insult. And if you confront them about it, they will deny insulting you, to make you feel crazy. They will never say, "Yeah, I insulted you because I don't like you." They will just deny, and deflect their guilt to you, by shaming you and telling you that you're overreacting or oversensitive, or that you misunderstood what they said. Even when they know you understood what they did was insult you. It's crazy-making behavior on their part. This is how they manipulate others. It's because deep down, they are really insecure, and have a lot of self-loathing that they project onto other people; people they are either jealous of, or think lack character (oh, so ironic!!).

Also, someone with a weak character has little to no motivation to change themselves or their circumstances; they'd rather whine, throw fits, blame, pretend they're the victim, not meet work or school deadlines, not follow through on a promise, show little desire to change, (how dare you ask them to), and are very comfortable blaming others for their own faults and their own choices that put them in the uncomfortable situation they find themselves.

Self-actualization is not a skill that people with a weak character possess, in my opinion. They don't want to self-reflect, or take stock of how their choices put them in their own situation, because that's too scary or painful or humiliating for them to admit to themselves the truth; no one but THEY put themselves in their situation. Maybe others contributed to that person's situation, but ultimately, only they can choose the next steps that put them in a better situation (even if it means going to others to ask for help, which a person with a weak character will refuse to do, because that means they have to admit failure, since they are perfectionists by default).

And, I've noticed that people with a weak character never take other people's opinions into account. They will ask other people for their opinion, but then won't even take the advice they asked for. This ego-driven behavior really annoys me. Don't ask me for my advice, if you're not even going to listen to me, and then come back to me, to complain to me that your situation didn't improve that you asked me advice for. It's crazy-making behavior. Stop asking me for advice, if you're not even going to take it into account.

Finally, I think someone with a weak character has ZERO self-control; they are addicted to sex, food, tv, violence, drugs or alcohol; they need that constant high. Also, I feel like they have a hair trigger temper, and they throw a tantrum or act huffy if someone confronts them about what they did or said that hurt that other person's feelings; because they don't want to calmly express their feelings to the other person, because they feel like they're always a victim, so they act out. When you can't control your temper, it means (to me), that you are emotionally weak in character, because you easily allow other people or situations to enrage you. Why is it so scary, to calmly express your feelings to others during an argument or misunderstanding? That's one thing I've noticed in people with weak characters. They are quick to overreact and then will react haughty, when you point out that their outburst doesn't actually help the situation. They are not capable of having a calm discussion. Oh, and they will use the silent treatment in those situations too as a means to try to control the other person.

A person with a weak character lives their life through the lens of "victim-hood." They are over-sensitive, passive-aggressive, and are emotionally unavailable. If you confront them about how their actions or words hurt you, instead of acknowledging your point of view and hold themselves accountable, they will begrudgingly apologize to you, as if they're apologizing against their own will. It's like talking to a child. If someone tells you, that what you said or did hurt them, apologize! Why is that difficult to do?!

I have also experienced that people with a weak character walk around with a sense of some kind of special entitlement. Like, the world owes them. They see themselves as a perpetual victim of life. And they are emotionally unavailable to others. They will never tell you how they really feel about you, no matter how many different ways, you ask them to tell you what they're feeling or thinking. Getting a person with a weak character to be emotionally vulnerable with you, is like squeezing blood from a turnip -- it's impossible. They will only tell you what they think you want to hear, not what they actually think of you. Especially if they don't really like you to begin with.

People with weak character annoy me so much, because they are literally emotional vampires, who siphon out other people's good energy, when those people try to offer them encouragement or assistance. People with a weak character will also REFUSE help, because they are too stubborn or prideful. They don't like to admit they're wrong, or that they need help. (Wow, this has turned into a rant, hasn't it). I really can't stand people with weak character.

Guess what. We've all had it rough. Question is: will you do something about your situation or not?

*end rant*

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Lifehurdles

is it low emotional intelligance ? or not standing up for yourself when being bullied or clowned ? what do you think ?

Well, it depends on what you define as "character" in the first place. I think of someone as a weak character as being someone who is unreliable, who can't be trusted to stick to their word, who easily follows the crowd and can't make decisions on their own...I don't think of them as being weak because they are bullied, but if they give in to the bullying and join in on it to avoid it themselves, then yes, that is weakness.

I'm not sure how emotional intelligence plays into character strength or weakness...I think people can have varying degrees of emotional intelligence and still have strength of character.

I think of strength of character as someone who has integrity. Who doesn't lie. Who isn't afraid to speak a contrary opinion if they believe it, and as someone who takes responsibility when they have made a mistake.

What has brought this question to your mind?

Seesaw

[Lifehurdles]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Well, it depends on what you define as "character" in the first place. I think of someone as a weak character as being someone who is unreliable, who can't be trusted to stick to their word, who easily follows the crowd and can't make decisions on their own...I don't think of them as being weak because they are bullied, but if they give in to the bullying and join in on it to avoid it themselves, then yes, that is weakness.

I'm not sure how emotional intelligence plays into character strength or weakness...I think people can have varying degrees of emotional intelligence and still have strength of character.

I think of strength of character as someone who has integrity. Who doesn't lie. Who isn't afraid to speak a contrary opinion if they believe it, and as someone who takes responsibility when they have made a mistake.

What has brought this question to your mind?

Seesaw

what has brought this to my mind is that you always find somone who doesn't fight back when harrased or verbally abused

Originally Posted by Lifehurdles

what has brought this to my mind is that you always find somone who doesn't fight back when harrased or verbally abused

The people who verbally abuse or physically attack someone have a weak character, because they're abusing another person.

Although people will say, that you show strong moral character if you don't respond to a bully, and just walk away, I totally disagree with that because it encourages the person not to fight back for their own right to be safe, in their home, their classroom, their workplace, or their school.

I think it takes a strong moral character to fight back; to show the bully (whether they are an online cyber bully, or face-to-face), they can't bully you anymore.

Online, you can also just enable the 'ignore' button, if you choose not to confront the cyber bully. That doesn't mean you have a weak character.

School anti-bullying campaigns encourage kids/college students, who are too scared to speak up, to stand up for themselves, speak to adults about being bullied, avoid places where they are bullied, and confront the bully face-to-face with adults around.

There are actual laws against workplace bullying, at the state and federal level, that prohibits discrimination and harassment in the workplace.

But, if you allow yourself to be bullied and choose to do nothing about it and the bullying continues, then yes, I think that's a sign of a weak character. If you are emotionally abused, and you've tried to address the abuse with the emotional abuser and that's had no effect (which takes a strong character to do), by then, walking away is a sign of a strong moral character. If you stay in an emotionally abusive relationship and do nothing to protect yourself, I don't know how that is showing strength.

Is this for yourself? Are you in an emotionally abusive situation that you are struggling to get out of?

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Lifehurdles

what has brought this to my mind is that you always find somone who doesn't fight back when harrased or verbally abused

So you feel they have a weak character because of that? I don't think that makes a weak character.

Originally Posted by Lifehurdles

what has brought this to my mind is that you always find somone who doesn't fight back when harrased or verbally abused

I think it's quite the contrary; those who don't fight back are strong enough to walk away and let things go.

I also believe it's rather judgmental to label someone as having "weak character" just because you disagree with the way they handle things. Everyone deals with things differently and it's not your call to insult their character for it.

[seesaw]

I agree, Anna.

Originally Posted by iPhone

I think it's quite the contrary; those who don't fight back are strong enough to walk away and let things go.

I also believe it's rather judgmental to label someone as having "weak character" just because you disagree with the way they handle things. Everyone deals with things differently and it's not your call to insult their character for it.

Well that's the great thing with discussions. I think its rather judgmental to label someone with a different opinion as being judgmental or insulting. Disagreements are a part of life. To attack me the way that you have, is not ok with me. I'm not insulting anyone. I offered my opinion. No one has to agree with it. But it's wrong for you to attack me, for having an opinion that is different than yours. That's not how discourse works. If you can't step outside yourself, to see another person's perspective, then you miss out on the value of people's different opinions. Because, there is value in everyone's opinion, whether you agree with it or not.

Originally Posted by cielpur

Well that's the great thing with discussions. I think its rather judgmental to label someone with a different opinion as being judgmental or insulting. Disagreements are a part of life. To attack me the way that you have, is not ok with me. I'm not insulting anyone. I offered my opinion. No one has to agree with it. But it's wrong for you to attack me, for having an opinion that is different than yours. That's not how discourse works. If you can't step outside yourself, to see another person's perspective, then you miss out on the value of people's different opinions. Because, there is value in everyone's opinion, whether you agree with it or not.

Ummm...I wasn't even replying to you. I was responding to the OP.

And if there's value in every opinion, there's value in my opinion "it's judgmental to label someone as having weak character."

[Lifehurdles]

Originally Posted by iPhone

I think it's quite the contrary; those who don't fight back are strong enough to walk away and let things go.

I also believe it's rather judgmental to label someone as having "weak character" just because you disagree with the way they handle things. Everyone deals with things differently and it's not your call to insult their character for it.

i'm not labeling them as weak in character brcause of the way they handle things, i'm just giving an insight on people's opinions and how they judge such individuals

Originally Posted by Lifehurdles

i'm not labeling them as weak in character brcause of the way they handle things, i'm just giving an insight on people's opinions and how they judge such individuals

Okay, gotcha. I wasn't sure if you meant that's how you feel or were just asking in general. Thanks for clarifying.

I have been thinking about this. It seems to me that this could be 'measured' by the extent to which one makes life decisions based on what others might think. An example of this might be how much one's life is dictated by a need to please others. I'm not sure this makes sense. At any rate, I certainly wouldn't see this as something necessarily negative or what could be perceived as a flaw.

[Lifehurdles]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I have been thinking about this. It seems to me that this could be 'measured' by the extent to which one makes life decisions based on what others might think. An example of this might be how much one's life is dictated by a need to please others. I'm not sure this makes sense. At any rate, I certainly wouldn't see this as something necessarily negative or what could be perceived as a flaw.

actually i think what you're saying does make sense. I've noticed that people who seem submissive , are almost dedicated to pleasing others and are too afraid to declare what they want from others or to live without anxiety of being judged

I know people who are very blunt and say whatever is on their mind with no regard to how if affects others. I also know people who are so afraid of hurting someone (or getting hurt, in some cases) and hate confrontation so much that they never speak their true feelings or defend themselves. Having balance is so much healthier. There's a time and place when it's best to walk away, and a time and place when it's best to speak up. This isn't easy to figure out; I'm still learning myself.

[Lifehurdles]

Originally Posted by iPhone

I know people who are very blunt and say whatever is on their mind with no regard to how if affects others. I also know people who are so afraid of hurting someone (or getting hurt, in some cases) and hate confrontation so much that they never speak their true feelings or defend themselves. Having balance is so much healthier. There's a time and place when it's best to walk away, and a time and place when it's best to speak up. This isn't easy to figure out; I'm still learning myself.

That's exactly what i was talking about; it's the people who are afraid of confrontation out of fear of hurting others. That's why some refer to them as weak in character.

[Sunflower123]

I think character is made up of things like honesty, trustworthiness, and integrity. Doing the right thing when no one is looking.

[sabby]

While everyone may have different ideas and opinions on what the definition of a weak character is, please remember that just because they differ does not automatically mean someone is bullying or harassing you over your opinion or forcing their own opinion onto you.

Here are some ideas for what a weak character may look like, but mind you, no on here should apply these to another member:

Self-Centered
Judgmental and Narrow-Minded
Lack of Motivation
Minimal Self-Control

Please remember this is NOT a debate and there should be NO unsupportive posting towards other members who respond here.

Carry On!