[Moo Bear]

Hello,
I am new to forums in general, and honesty not expecting to get much out of posting here. The mod message says that I have to post an introduction here, and have five posts before I can actually chat with anyone, so here we go. I am 32, married and have been diagnosed with both S.P.D and epilepsy. Which trust me are far from complimentary conditions. I'm not going to go into the epilepsy issues as this is not the place for that except to say that the medication makes the S.P.D at times a lot harder to deal with. As for the S.P.D I find that my biggest problem is that I am only me when I am alone, and when I'm me all I want is some form of real connection. But real connection is the one thing that I can never attain. In a large crowd I am emotionless and just want to leave, in a standard public setting I can physically feel the sensation of being repulsed by the environment. In a small social group my outer self can generate a highly complex, detailed, and adaptive personality based on those around me. One so well crafted that few if any would ever notice that there was anything wrong. And in a one one setting I am almost intuitive when it comes to reading and relating to people. However the second the inner me senses any form of real connection, the outer me becomes incapable of connecting. All impulses suddenly cease, and it becomes increasingly more and more difficult to communicate. Long story short, if I don't care about you, then I become perfectly compatible with you, but if I do then I become incapable of any connection with you. I'll leave it at that for now as I don't want this to get to long, but am more than happy to respond to any replies posted.

Hello Moo Bear, welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit.

I assume by SPD you mean Schizoid personality disorder?

[Sunflower123]

Hello!!! Welcome to PC.

[*Laurie*]

Hi and welcome to PC. Do you know that there's a board specifically for epilepsy somewhere on PC?

[Moo Bear]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Hello Moo Bear, welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit.

I assume by SPD you mean Schizoid personality disorder?

Yes, it seemed easer just to use the abbreviated term S.P.D instead of writing out Schizoid personality disorder multiple times.

[Moo Bear]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

Hi and welcome to PC. Do you know that there's a board specifically for epilepsy somewhere on PC?

I am, however the epilepsy is manageable and something that I have dealt with since I was 14. The effects of the medication are still an issue but the epilepsy itself is something that I fully understand and have made peace with.

[benzenering]

Welcome! I am glad you are here

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Moo Bear

Hello,
I am new to forums in general, and honesty not expecting to get much out of posting here. The mod message says that I have to post an introduction here, and have five posts before I can actually chat with anyone, so here we go. I am 32, married and have been diagnosed with both S.P.D and epilepsy. Which trust me are far from complimentary conditions. I'm not going to go into the epilepsy issues as this is not the place for that except to say that the medication makes the S.P.D at times a lot harder to deal with. As for the S.P.D I find that my biggest problem is that I am only me when I am alone, and when I'm me all I want is some form of real connection. But real connection is the one thing that I can never attain. In a large crowd I am emotionless and just want to leave, in a standard public setting I can physically feel the sensation of being repulsed by the environment. In a small social group my outer self can generate a highly complex, detailed, and adaptive personality based on those around me. One so well crafted that few if any would ever notice that there was anything wrong. And in a one one setting I am almost intuitive when it comes to reading and relating to people. However the second the inner me senses any form of real connection, the outer me becomes incapable of connecting. All impulses suddenly cease, and it becomes increasingly more and more difficult to communicate. Long story short, if I don't care about you, then I become perfectly compatible with you, but if I do then I become incapable of any connection with you. I'll leave it at that for now as I don't want this to get to long, but am more than happy to respond to any replies posted.

Welcome to Psych Central where you'll be able to chat and relate to others!