[primrose5891]

I’m concerned about a student I teach- she’s a 17-year senior in high school struggling with what seems to be PTSD from watching her mother almost die two years ago. One top of that, she’s dealing with emotional and verbal abuse from both her parents, chronic sleep deprivation, and hallucinations. The hallucinations she describes involve "knowing someone is watching you and you see them out of the corner of your eye but no one is actually there when you look” and, "hearing gibberish… It’s the same voice, and it’s sick and psychotic, and there’s laughing and screaming and words that don’t make sense (yet somehow I know that they have bad intentions- that they are harmful and degrading and twisted...I know that the person saying them is crazy and that they are amused with themselves, and that they know all of my deepest and darkest fears and want to use those things to break me down...I don’t know how I know it but I just do”

The hallucinations seem to be getting more frequent and worse, and sleeping has become more and more difficult to her. Last year, I encouraged her to talk to her parents about getting her to a therapist. Her parents responded horribly. They threatened to lock her in her room until she was “cured”, took away her car keys and told her she couldn’t leave the house, and taunted her with jokes about her being suicidal. It was a rough couple of weeks, but they eventually relented and agreed to get her to a therapist. Unfortunately, the therapist they chose for her wasn’t helpful. The therapist openly shared information from sessions with the parents, at which point the trust was broken. The student stopped therapy soon after.

After the terrible response her parents gave the first time she asked to see a therapist, I haven’t encouraged her to try asking her parents again about therapy. I also know that if I shared my concerns with her parents, that her parents would also react poorly. From what I know about them, I could see them punishing her for “making a scene” at school and making the teachers worry. They have forbade her from talking to anyone about her PTSD, hallucinations, etc.

We’re a small school, and don’t have any resources on campus for her. We don’t have a counselor or nurse. Both the principal and vice principal are aware of the situation, but haven’t been any help. So far, my plan has been to be a sounding board for the student, and to encourage her to keep talking about the things she’s going through with me and others. I’ve told her that talking about these things over and over can help make these things lose their power.
I’ve also encouraged her to seek out mental health resources on campus next year when she goes to college. I’m hoping she can hold out until then. While she’s going through a lot, she is high-functioning. I don’t know what else can be done right now. Do you have any advice on resources that can help her cope with this until she’s out of the house and able to seek treatment on her own?

[pegasus]

Hello, I am concerned that the child/minor/young person is being subject to verbal and emotional abuse and this needs to be addressed. Please contact the child protective services for your area. You can find the number on the government website or you can find it on this website.... childhelp.org hotline https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sour...4ArGqJn16SI4rO

Then the young person can get the help she needs. Always report suspected abuse. Thank you for helping her.

[primrose5891]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Hello, I am concerned that the child/minor/young person is being subject to verbal and emotional abuse and this needs to be addressed. Please contact the child protective services for your area. You can find the number on the government website or you can find it on this website.... childhelp.org hotline

Then the young person can get the help she needs. Always report suspected abuse. Thank you for helping her.

I've thought about doing this many times, but a few things have stopped me:
1.) She'll be 18 in a few months
2.) While I do believe the parents are abusive/neglectful, There isn't evidence of abuse/neglect. It will be a "he said-she said" situation.
3.) Should the parents know a teacher reported them, I believe they would immediately pull their child out of the school and homeschool her.
4.) I'm also afraid that parents will retailate against their daughter, by making things even more difficult for her.

It seems to be high risk and low reward to report this to the authorities. Both the principal and vice principal have heard her story, and both are skeptical, or at the very least, think she's exaggerating. I fully believe her, but am afraid that the authorities will have a similar reaction, which will end up making things much worse for the child at home. She may be cut off from her only source of "sanity" which is school.

[pegasus]

Whether she is about to turn 18 does not matter as the authorities will have it on record and she can then be transferred to the adult services.

You can also report anonymously if it concerns you. The protection services are the experts to go to.

The child is displaying severe mental distress as of the symptoms you describe, this can lead to psychosis. She needs help and this can be a sign of abuse. Its not always about physical evidence such as bruising but also psychological evidence here. You've documented well here the verbal and emotional abuse taking place. Threatening to lock up a child is not normal and taunting her when she's suicidal is definitely abuse.

Please report it, put it in their hands, you'll be glad you did and the child can get treatment.

[reb569]

Originally Posted by primrose5891

I've thought about doing this many times, but a few things have stopped me:
1.) She'll be 18 in a few months
2.) While I do believe the parents are abusive/neglectful, There isn't evidence of abuse/neglect. It will be a "he said-she said" situation.
3.) Should the parents know a teacher reported them, I believe they would immediately pull their child out of the school and homeschool her.
4.) I'm also afraid that parents will retailate against their daughter, by making things even more difficult for her.

It seems to be high risk and low reward to report this to the authorities. Both the principal and vice principal have heard her story, and both are skeptical, or at the very least, think she's exaggerating. I fully believe her, but am afraid that the authorities will have a similar reaction, which will end up making things much worse for the child at home. She may be cut off from her only source of "sanity" which is school.

I understand your hesitation, but agree that reporting it is probably the best thing to do. Or, if you don't, I'd highly encourage you to help her find a way out of the home to get help prior to starting college. Does she have other family or friends that she could live with when she is 18?

College is a very stressful event (as a teacher I'm sure you are aware of that). The chances that things will fall together for her at college when she appears to be struggling very badly right now is not very good. She seems the type that won't seek help and will probably just sink deeper into psychosis.

You say there are no resources in your school district, is your district part of group of schools that have shared resources? Where a school psychologist could be called in to work with her?

It sounds like you are trying to do the right thing and I find it very troubling that the principal and vice principal are failing so horribly at doing their job. It kind of sounds like they just want her to graduate and be out of their hair and no longer their concern. Would they do the same thing if she were a freshman or sophomore?

Thank you for working with this young lady.

[*Laurie*]

Aren't you a mandated reporter?

[primrose5891]

Originally Posted by reb569

I understand your hesitation, but agree that reporting it is probably the best thing to do. Or, if you don't, I'd highly encourage you to help her find a way out of the home to get help prior to starting college. Does she have other family or friends that she could live with when she is 18?

Even if she did have some place to go, I can't see her leaving home until next fall when she heads to college.

Originally Posted by reb569

You say there are no resources in your school district, is your district part of group of schools that have shared resources? Where a school psychologist could be called in to work with her?

It sounds like you are trying to do the right thing and I find it very troubling that the principal and vice principal are failing so horribly at doing their job. It kind of sounds like they just want her to graduate and be out of their hair and no longer their concern. Would they do the same thing if she were a freshman or sophomore?

Thank you for working with this young lady.

We're a private, independent school. So we don't have any resources outside our school. The main reason the principal and vice principal haven't done more to help is because they are skeptical of her story. I believe the student completely, but they think she's exaggerating and things aren't as bad as she's making it out to be. This is another reason why I've hesitated to contact Child Protective Services. If both the principal and vice principal don't see any evidence of abuse, there's a chance CPS might not either. It sounds like a big risk to me. We're a small community, so it will be easy for the parents to figure out who reported them, at which point I know they will homeschool her.

If CPS were to get involved, what could/would they do?

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. Thank you for caring and for being a sounding board for this young lady. You are a really good person.

[primrose5891]

I really appreciate everyone's input. There aren't many people who I can talk to about this, and the ones I have talked to aren't taking this situation seriously. Thank you for confirming what I already felt- that this is a serious situation that requires me to escalate things.

[primrose5891]

After talking to a teacher-friend, I've gotten cold feet about calling CPS. They say that I'm taking a chance that the student is exaggerating, and that if the abuse is real, the student should make the call. If she is exaggerating, it could be a legal nightmare for me. The parents are powerful in the community, and on the school board. Even though my report would be anonymous, it would be very easy for the parents to guess I made the call. And without the backing of the administration, I'm even more vulnerable.

I understand completely why a child wouldn't want to make the call to CPS, even if they are being abused and desperately need help. Most children do need an adult to step in and make the call for them. But I also know that I'm taking a big risk by calling, and will risk losing my job. I also think there's a big risk that the family will pull their children out of the school and homeschool them, leaving them even more isolated.

My thinking is to give the student an ultimatum and tell her that either she calls CPS or I do. I want to do everything I can to encourage her to make the call. Can you give me advice on what to say to her? What can she expect CPS to do after she makes the call? How can they help her and her family? (Eg can they require counseling?) I have never called CPS before so I don't know what to expect. If I could tell the student what to expect, she might be less hesitant about calling.

[pegasus]

I'm sorry, I do not understand why you are so hesitate to make a call to protective services. I myself have made many many calls regarding vulnerable children/vulnerable adults. I don't see how you can lose your job by being careful and mindful of potential abuse. This is actually your duty to report whenever you feel their might be any sort of abuse going on. In informing protective services you are in fact saying, I'm not sure but maybe, please could you investigate and help this family. You are passing the hot potato to the right place. Giving away the hot potato takes the whole stress out of your hands and you'll know you've done your bit. Whilst you say nothing at all, it's on your conscience . Give the hot potato to those that know what to do with it. From what you"ve written it's not only one child as you mention the word children. You could be saving these children.

You are concerned that the parents would know who told protective services and work out it is you. You can tell protective services you want to be anonymous, they may visit or interview you and help you stay anonymous. I've seen this in my work. What are you worried about though? These are parents that may be abusing a child/children obviously need help also, maybe they are struggling to cope. If they immediately took the children out to homeschool, the protective services would see that and keep an eye on things. I hope you can see in making that call, it would improve the matter, not create more abuse and fear. As for trying to get the child to make the call, well yes that can happen but she is already under a great deal of stress and could do with an adult in authority making that call. As a mandatory caller, I would not expect a vulnerable person to make the call themselves. I know it seems daunting the first time you report this sort of thing but in fact you will feel really proud of yourself that you did.

Does the school not have a psychologist on staff or a counselling service on retainer. Certainly there must exist a protocol and standard operating proceduref for just such situations.

the best thing you can do is put the student in touch with resources - starting with a doctor. As she is above the age of 16 she can see and receive medical treatment without her parent's consent.

As her teacher and responsible adult you are bound to take action. This would entail contacting authorities. Doing so is not a career limiting action.

It sounds like you want an intervention. This MUST be done with two additional people present. One, your union rep (or else a third party who can verify your side of things). Secondly, you need to have an advocate for her her as well. Do not attempt to do this on your own as it could backfire and you could face a great deal of legal trouble.

[primrose5891]

Thanks again everyone, for helping me see how serious this is, and getting the help this family needs. I don't think I would have to courage to do what I did without your input- thank you.