when friends are disrespectful

Feb 05, 2018 at 09:27 AM

I am sure we've all experienced rather irksome incidents when a friend was less than respectful.

In my case I speak of the use of my belongings. I described in another post how I am miffed at a close friend for screwing around with everything in my brand new car. After borrowing it they returned it to me with anything and everything fiddled with. They set and reset all the features, from sound system, to information screen, to mirrors, to steering wheel, to the temperature control systems. I don't think there was a button or knob left untouched. The final disrespectful thing was they had gall to pair their phone with the car and set is as the default device.

Why? How could anyone be that disrespectful? Thoughts? Your own experiences?

Unhinged88 · Feb 05, 2018 at 10:59 AM

Well I wouldn't lend them your car again. Maybe the thought it was a joke? I don't usually lend things out.

seaway116 · Feb 05, 2018 at 11:27 AM

I, too, would perceive it as disrespectful if a friend fiddled with all the not-necessary-to-drive-safely-and-comfortably trinkets in my car - but someone else might not think of it as such, or might not mind at all. Maybe your friend simply did what they'd do in their own car - adjust mirrors, steering wheel, temperature to their own needs, then find their favourite radio station, etc., without realizing that they'd overstep your boundaries in doing so...
As for behaviours that make me nervous and/or annoyed - I can't stand it when people show up unannounced; even less when it's relatives who let themselves in with their (supposedly) for emergencies only key.

Feb 05, 2018 at 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seaway116

As for behaviours that make me nervous and/or annoyed - I can't stand it when people show up unannounced; even less when it's relatives who let themselves in with their (supposedly) for emergencies only key.

Oh my, yes that is waaaaaaaaaaaay too disrespectful.

Taylor27 · Feb 05, 2018 at 01:10 PM

Total disrespect on your friends part. I would never lend your car to them again. Also i would have a talk with your friends tell them how you feel about changing everything in you car.

Feb 05, 2018 at 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheryl27

Total disrespect on your friends part. I would never lend your car to them again. Also i would have a talk with your friends tell them how you feel about changing everything in you car.

Thanks. I did just that. I was particularly irked on account I myself had yet to try these features. It is hard to describe how I felt. Walked over barely describes it. It took me forever to figure out how to return everything to the default settings this morning, reposition the mirrors and seat, and figure out how to return the sound system settings to the way they were. I also told them they needed to fill the tank up with gas. It was near full when I lent it to them and I got it back with less than half a tank. Ooooooh I was really T'd off. I told them how disappointed I was and that it was the last time I would do them a favour.

seaway116 · Feb 05, 2018 at 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I also told them they needed to fill the tank up with gas. It was near full when I lent it to them and I got it back with less than half a tank.

I'd have thought that to be a given - if I borrow your car and use it to run my errands, of course I'm to refill the tank up before giving it back!

Quote:

I told them how disappointed I was and that it was the last time I would do them a favour.

And what did they say?

Feb 05, 2018 at 05:37 PM

thanks for asking. It wasn't so much what they said. It was the laxidasical attitude they had. And, it was as though it was I who was troubling them. Their words were somthing along the line of, "Well, if you're going to be that way about it I won't bother to ask again." I thought they were a pretty good person. Sure, they've been supportive of me when I've needed it. But that is no reason to have taken advantage of my helping nature.

I am sure most of us wouldn't even dream of changing everything on someone elses car. I am pretty sure too that we would return it full of fuel. Heck, I'm the sort I'd even wash it.

Feb 05, 2018 at 11:43 PM

I can’t even begin to talk about my MIL. I’ll get myself upset.

hvert · Feb 06, 2018 at 08:04 AM

Wow, your friend's attitude towards your car is awful! I can see moving the mirrors and seat, but not filling the gas tank???

I loaned a friend my college textbooks because she couldn't afford her own. She sold them at the end of the semester.

Feb 06, 2018 at 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hvert

Wow, your friend's attitude towards your car is awful! I can see moving the mirrors and seat, but not filling the gas tank???

I loaned a friend my college textbooks because she couldn't afford her own. She sold them at the end of the semester.

Now that is pretty darn disrespectful. Where is such people's common sense?

In my college days my roommate would 'borrow' my clothes without asking. She would just leave them in a pile waiting for me to pick them up and launder them. I admit I borrowed hers too but I asked and they were always returned cleaned and folded.

It is as though these people just don't think.

hvert · Feb 07, 2018 at 06:42 PM

Ha, that's rich, borrowing your clothes and then dumping them on the floor dirty!

I'm kind of done loaning things, I think. Loaned someone my bike two years ago and they let it get stolen. I would not be comfortable ruining someone else's stuff!

DechanDawa · Feb 07, 2018 at 06:55 PM

I let someone use my bike for a few days. When they returned it to me it was totally damaged. They let a heavy bike chain clink against it and completely ruined the paint job. It was a vintage cruiser in mint condition.

Their story? They couldn't see why I was so bent out of shape. The bike still worked. They shrugged and said of course bikes get "road wear."

I still have the bike and it makes me heartsick to look at it. But it reminds me to never lend out my stuff. I just don't. I don't make excuses. I just don't do it now. Ever.

I think some people see "things" as stuff to be used. They just don't have the same relationship to things. So that needs to be taken into consideration. I am a big refurbisher. My vintage bike is over 30 years old. My truck is 25 years old. Everything I have lasts and lasts because I take care of it. But others just don't have the same relationship with possessions. You can't change them and they probably don't understand about being disrespectful. They just don't get it.

Feb 07, 2018 at 08:09 PM

Thank you. I need things to last too.

That really would have upset me about the bike. At least the car came back in good condition - missing that new car smell, haha.

Thanks everyone for letting me blast my frustration. What I wanted I guess was vindication I wasn't wrong to be ticked over this, that my being irked was natural; and, that my friend had it coming. I managed to get that. I appreciate this you guys.

SocratesSister · Feb 11, 2018 at 08:42 PM

They must have really felt comfortable with you

avlady · Feb 12, 2018 at 03:56 AM

If i had a car i would never even think of letting anybody else use it. you were very generous and the person who used it should have been more thankful too.

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Unhinged88 Member Member Since Jan 2018 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 230 6 36 hugs given	Feb 05, 2018 at 10:59 AM #2 Well I wouldn't lend them your car again. Maybe the thought it was a joke? I don't usually lend things out. __________________ I run, it follows I speak, it swallows I am where it takes me. I love, it breaks me.
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Taylor27 healing from trauma Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Alberta Posts: 30,425 (SuperPoster!) 6 24.3k hugs given	Feb 05, 2018 at 01:10 PM #5 Total disrespect on your friends part. I would never lend your car to them again. Also i would have a talk with your friends tell them how you feel about changing everything in you car.
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Anonymous45390 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 05, 2018 at 11:43 PM #9 I can’t even begin to talk about my MIL. I’ll get myself upset.
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hvert Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: US Posts: 4,887 10 3,788 hugs given	Feb 06, 2018 at 08:04 AM #10 Wow, your friend's attitude towards your car is awful! I can see moving the mirrors and seat, but not filling the gas tank??? I loaned a friend my college textbooks because she couldn't afford her own. She sold them at the end of the semester.
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hvert Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: US Posts: 4,887 10 3,788 hugs given	Feb 07, 2018 at 06:42 PM #12 Ha, that's rich, borrowing your clothes and then dumping them on the floor dirty! I'm kind of done loaning things, I think. Loaned someone my bike two years ago and they let it get stolen. I would not be comfortable ruining someone else's stuff!
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SocratesSister New Member Member Since Feb 2018 Location: Lewistown, PA Posts: 6 6	Feb 11, 2018 at 08:42 PM #15 They must have really felt comfortable with you
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avlady Wise Elder Community Liaison Member Since Jan 2013 Location: angola ny Posts: 9,786 (SuperPoster!) 11 28.8k hugs given	Feb 12, 2018 at 03:56 AM #16 If i had a car i would never even think of letting anybody else use it. you were very generous and the person who used it should have been more thankful too.
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