[summersover]

Hello, I haven't been on this forum for awhile (I was very active about 2 years ago). It's nice to come back as I feel the community here is very supportive and comforting.

Anyways, a little background on me before I begin: I recently started attending community college and I am majoring in psychology (big surprise haha) and I'm currently in my second semester. As a 22 year old, I'm very far behind the people I knew in high school as most of them are going to graduate this year. So whenever I meet someone at the college who is my age, it's very refreshing. (I know I'm not that old, but hey, most of the people there are fresh out of high school!).

So this semester I met a very nice guy in my algebra class. We've been texting everyday and even flirting a little. I'm currently single, but I've had feelings for a guy online from Germany for about 2 years, but I think I might have finally found someone locally who is interested in the same things I am: psychology, writing, video games, comics, etc. It's been nice having someone in the same area as an option, and I hope that things continue to go smoothly and we fall in love and bla bla bla. You know the rest haha.

However, I've noticed something about him that is a bit unsettling. When we first started to get to know each other, he showed me his book collection and I noticed that there was a common theme in all of them: They were all stories about young girls who were either in love with or adopted by an older male that wasn't their biological father. I also noticed that he wrote stories on Wattpad about the same subject. I didn't think much of it, until he told me this the other night:

He was telling me about how he had started taking anxiety medication, and he mentioned how his anxiety has been really bad lately. So I asked him, "Why has it been so bad? You don't have to tell me though if you don't want to." So then he proceeds to tell me that every day for the last few months or so he had been very anxious and paranoid about the police coming to his house because he had been accused of molesting his little sister. So of course, because I care about him, I was like, "Who would do that to you and why?" But then he said this and I got really nervous: "I'm just glad they didn't find it to be true." Something about that just didn't sound right to me. Wouldn't a normal person say something like, "I'm just glad they found I was innocent?"

So for the rest of that night I felt extremely uneasy, and I spent hours trying to piece together everything I knew about him. A little background on him: He was adopted because his biological mother abused and molested him at a young age. I've heard that sometimes people who were molested at a young age will unfortunately go on to do it to someone else later on in life, so maybe he really did do something to his sister?

I might be losing my mind, I don't know. All of this is based solely on assumption after all.

But what should I do? Should I talk to someone about this? A close friend? Authorities? The guy himself?

Should I go ahead and stop talking to him, or should I continue pursuing him? Or just be friends?

Any advice on this would be very helpful. Thank you. And I apologize if this is the wrong section for this, I wasn't exactly sure where to put this thread.

Thanks!

I would talk to him and ask him more specific questions. Why did they think he molested his sister? If you still feel uneasy, maybe step back. You might need time to reflect on this and pause with him. The book thing is a little odd. Some people are odd people though. What grounds did the police have for thinking he molested his sister? Did he go to trial? Is there anything else about him that bothers you? Regardless, something feels off for you and it doesn't sound like you have all the information.

[RubyRae]

I think you should go with whatever your gut instincts are.

Obviously your gut is telling you something's not right,otherwise you wouldn't have come here and started this thread.

[summersover]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I would talk to him and ask him more specific questions. Why did they think he molested his sister? If you still feel uneasy, maybe step back. You might need time to reflect on this and pause with him. The book thing is a little odd. Some people are odd people though. What grounds did the police have for thinking he molested his sister? Did he go to trial? Is there anything else about him that bothers you? Regardless, something feels off for you and it doesn't sound like you have all the information.

Every time I tried to ask for more information he tried to change the subject.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by summersover

Every time I tried to ask for more information he tried to change the subject.

Well that's sure a big red flag,isn't it?

Don't doubt what your gut is telling you.There's a reason you are questioning all of this.

Originally Posted by summersover

Every time I tried to ask for more information he tried to change the subject.

Ok, that is a red flag for me. Go with your gut on this one. Something's not right.

I agree too, that is a red flag.

[Thunder Bow]

Seems he suffers from extreme anxiety, and the problems that come with it. As said above, trust your gut level feelings on this one.

[childofchaos831]

I have always found when my gut is telling me to back off or take it slower, there is a reason. I may not even be seeing it consciously. The fact that he won't answer questions and changes the subject is concerning for me. I also studied psych in college (no degree yet, associate's in social work). To me, an "innocent" person would want to tell the story and clear their name, in your eyes, not raise more doubt. I also noticed the wording he used, it did seem a little convoluted.

[Deejay14]

Originally Posted by summersover

Hello, I haven't been on this forum for awhile (I was very active about 2 years ago). It's nice to come back as I feel the community here is very supportive and comforting.

Anyways, a little background on me before I begin: I recently started attending community college and I am majoring in psychology (big surprise haha) and I'm currently in my second semester. As a 22 year old, I'm very far behind the people I knew in high school as most of them are going to graduate this year. So whenever I meet someone at the college who is my age, it's very refreshing. (I know I'm not that old, but hey, most of the people there are fresh out of high school!).

So this semester I met a very nice guy in my algebra class. We've been texting everyday and even flirting a little. I'm currently single, but I've had feelings for a guy online from Germany for about 2 years, but I think I might have finally found someone locally who is interested in the same things I am: psychology, writing, video games, comics, etc. It's been nice having someone in the same area as an option, and I hope that things continue to go smoothly and we fall in love and bla bla bla. You know the rest haha.

However, I've noticed something about him that is a bit unsettling. When we first started to get to know each other, he showed me his book collection and I noticed that there was a common theme in all of them: They were all stories about young girls who were either in love with or adopted by an older male that wasn't their biological father. I also noticed that he wrote stories on Wattpad about the same subject. I didn't think much of it, until he told me this the other night:

He was telling me about how he had started taking anxiety medication, and he mentioned how his anxiety has been really bad lately. So I asked him, "Why has it been so bad? You don't have to tell me though if you don't want to." So then he proceeds to tell me that every day for the last few months or so he had been very anxious and paranoid about the police coming to his house because he had been accused of molesting his little sister. So of course, because I care about him, I was like, "Who would do that to you and why?" But then he said this and I got really nervous: "I'm just glad they didn't find it to be true." Something about that just didn't sound right to me. Wouldn't a normal person say something like, "I'm just glad they found I was innocent?"

So for the rest of that night I felt extremely uneasy, and I spent hours trying to piece together everything I knew about him. A little background on him: He was adopted because his biological mother abused and molested him at a young age. I've heard that sometimes people who were molested at a young age will unfortunately go on to do it to someone else later on in life, so maybe he really did do something to his sister?

I might be losing my mind, I don't know. All of this is based solely on assumption after all.

But what should I do? Should I talk to someone about this? A close friend? Authorities? The guy himself?

Should I go ahead and stop talking to him, or should I continue pursuing him? Or just be friends?

Any advice on this would be very helpful. Thank you. And I apologize if this is the wrong section for this, I wasn't exactly sure where to put this thread.

Thanks!

I would separate myself from him in a jiffy!

[Mental Health Congo]

Originally Posted by summersover

Hello, I haven't been on this forum for awhile (I was very active about 2 years ago). It's nice to come back as I feel the community here is very supportive and comforting.

Anyways, a little background on me before I begin: I recently started attending community college and I am majoring in psychology (big surprise haha) and I'm currently in my second semester. As a 22 year old, I'm very far behind the people I knew in high school as most of them are going to graduate this year. So whenever I meet someone at the college who is my age, it's very refreshing. (I know I'm not that old, but hey, most of the people there are fresh out of high school!).

So this semester I met a very nice guy in my algebra class. We've been texting everyday and even flirting a little. I'm currently single, but I've had feelings for a guy online from Germany for about 2 years, but I think I might have finally found someone locally who is interested in the same things I am: psychology, writing, video games, comics, etc. It's been nice having someone in the same area as an option, and I hope that things continue to go smoothly and we fall in love and bla bla bla. You know the rest haha.

However, I've noticed something about him that is a bit unsettling. When we first started to get to know each other, he showed me his book collection and I noticed that there was a common theme in all of them: They were all stories about young girls who were either in love with or adopted by an older male that wasn't their biological father. I also noticed that he wrote stories on Wattpad about the same subject. I didn't think much of it, until he told me this the other night:

He was telling me about how he had started taking anxiety medication, and he mentioned how his anxiety has been really bad lately. So I asked him, "Why has it been so bad? You don't have to tell me though if you don't want to." So then he proceeds to tell me that every day for the last few months or so he had been very anxious and paranoid about the police coming to his house because he had been accused of molesting his little sister. So of course, because I care about him, I was like, "Who would do that to you and why?" But then he said this and I got really nervous: "I'm just glad they didn't find it to be true." Something about that just didn't sound right to me. Wouldn't a normal person say something like, "I'm just glad they found I was innocent?"

So for the rest of that night I felt extremely uneasy, and I spent hours trying to piece together everything I knew about him. A little background on him: He was adopted because his biological mother abused and molested him at a young age. I've heard that sometimes people who were molested at a young age will unfortunately go on to do it to someone else later on in life, so maybe he really did do something to his sister?

I might be losing my mind, I don't know. All of this is based solely on assumption after all.

But what should I do? Should I talk to someone about this? A close friend? Authorities? The guy himself?

Should I go ahead and stop talking to him, or should I continue pursuing him? Or just be friends?

Any advice on this would be very helpful. Thank you. And I apologize if this is the wrong section for this, I wasn't exactly sure where to put this thread.

Thanks!

I would say trust your instincts. He has a very peculiar interest. The fact that anyone has a concern about him molesting his sister is unsettling. It's even more unsettling that the police were involved. Stay away.

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Mental Health Congo

I would say trust your instincts. He has a very peculiar interest. The fact that anyone has a concern about him molesting his sister is unsettling. It's even more unsettling that the police were involved. Stay away.

That's exactly what I would say too.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi summersover. Can definitely understand your concerns about your friend, yes, but I wouldn't jump to conclusions too soon if I were you, and it's good that you haven't. It may damage his trust in you [but that could be repaired with an heartfelt apology if need be] but you'll have to sit down, again, and ask him outright to answer the questions you originally put to him, and be assertive, tell him to be clear with his replies this time, and from there you can decide what to do next. If you're still not happy with his answers then obviously you don't trust him and a proper friendship should have trust. As for the books, well, he has funny tastes, boring tastes in literature, and I'd let that go for now, give him the benefit of the doubt on that count. You have a lot of good feedback in your thread and I hope the whole situation turns out to be okay summersover.

[emgreen]

Run! Don't walk...Run!

[~Christina]

Get away from him. I was molested and people like that need to be locked up for good.

[RainyDay107]

Big red flags. I used to practice law involving sexual abuse of children. He has indicators. You may simply be his “cover.” (This is not legal advice.)

It could be OCD-related (not giving psych advice), intrusive thoughts...but the things he told you and the books...that’s red flag stuff.

I would end the entire relationship.

On a lighter note, welcome back!

[Moonrider125]

I'm someone from Otaku country,still I think it's red flag.

1:he "show you"those books.(If it's secret hobby which harm no one,he will never show you)

2:If he didn't do anything and wrongly accused,many people(maybe there's exception)will not react like him.(sorry about my English)

so,trust your gut instinct and stay away from him.

[*Laurie*]

Get away from him as fast as you can. If you don't I can promise you that you will be badly hurt by that man.

Authorities (law enforcement) will not do a single thing to assist in the situation you've described.