[kamikazi989]

First off, Mods, apologies if this is in the wrong area. Please feel free to move it if necessary.

I know on the surface this is going to sound like depression and generalized anxiety, but bare with me(I say this because I don't want to just be prescribed anti-depressants or anti-anxiety). I'm trying to figure out why I'm experiencing this stuff since getting off adderall as I do not have any reason to. It's definitely some chemical balance related issue. Before adderall, I had a couple quick bouts of depression (maybe 1 month total) in my life and anxiety during certain situations, but I was able to pull myself out of it easily and never experienced something quite like this. My life was great.

Long story short, I took adderal for about a year before I met a girl and had a rough break up which resulted in rock bottom(nervous breakdown). Since then, I've been trying to pull myself back together. Mentally, I look at everything the same way as I always have. I don't understand why I'm feeling this, my life is easier than it use to be.... but my brain is making everything extremely difficult. This is why I don't believe "talking through my problems" with a psychiatrist is going to help. I don't have any thought problems, I think healthily. I just don't feel healthy.

For what it's worth, here's a timeline of when everything turned around for me. Skip ahead to "Here is where I'm currently at" if you don't think it's relevant:

2010
Later in the year I started taking adderall(legally), improved my concentration + motivation. Took it for work.

2011
April: Started dating girl

September: I lost my job focusing on her and by this time was taking 60mg IR adderall a day (twice the max, so I would just go 2 weeks out of the month without it). By September I felt like crap off of it, somewhat like I feel now but much worse. I convinced myself I needed to take it to help her, she was experiencing a lot of issues that I needed to be 100% there with her for. Took Prozac as recommended by my doctor not knowing it was an antidepressant. He explained it would help with the stress.

Mid-September: I was feeling really gloomy and depressed, so I stopped taking Prozac. Broke up with girlfriend, it was her idea, she needed to focus on kids... and she felt bad that should couldn't focus on me. I tried to convince her otherwise, didn't work. I hit rock bottom, wouldn't sleep for days at a time. When I did sleep, it wasn't for long. I rarely ate, im 6' and hit about 140 pounds at my lowest. Reading the symptoms, I had a nervous breakdown that lasted a night.

2012-2014
For about 2 years, put in the easiest way, I was in a severe deep deep depression. All my current issues multiplied including insomnia. I couldn't work or anything. Eventually got a job and by 2017 I was off of adderall.

Present
I'm past the rough break up, I'm over it. I just want my life pre-adderall back. I feel like I've leveled off about as much as I'm going to, and any improvement since stopping adderall and the rough break up has all but ceased. It's been over a year since I've taken adderall.

Here is where I'm currently at:

0 motivation, even doing simple things like showering

Foggy brain. I don't learn as quickly or pick up on things like I use to.

Don't take enjoyment out of much, if anything anymore

No "reward" for accomplishing things

Always feel a little strung out

Even more difficult to concentrate than it use to be

Don't sleep as well but my insomnia is almost gone

I've gained 50 pounds since stopping adderall. My healthy weight was 165-170 and I'm now 215. I gained this in 6 months after stopping adderall. Almost endless appetite

Hair starting to fall out these past couple years

I feel a general dread, gloom, anxiety, and depression

None of this I've had before. I don't look at things negatively and if you knew me you wouldn't have any idea I have these problems. I just want to have my life back. If I could just have my motivation to do things I enjoy back then I'll be happy. But I know it's something I burned out during those years taking adderall. I've taken blood tests and hormone tests. My Testosterone is 207(low for my age is 300), my cortisol is "higher than average" and my Vitamin D was 9 (low is 20). I'm told I have "early" stages of adrenal burnout, so I guess not severe. I've been taking Vitamin D and just did a blood check with the doctor and it's back to normal. Nothings changed.

Low testosterone? Serotonin problem? Dopamine? What does cortisol have to do with it? Can anyone please point me in the right direction here. Who do I talk to about further testing? Talking to my current doctor she just recommends lifting weights and exercise. If I thought that was the end all solution I would do it, but I struggle even taking showers with my current problems. I also rarely exercised pre-adderal and was still great. Anyone?

Also, feel free to recommend I post this in another forum. Thank you!

EDIT: Should also be noted that I have in the past, while taking adderall have had brief almost fleeting moments of what I use to "feel" like. I know nothing is damaged too much beyond repair if I can achieve normalcy still, it just never lasts beyond a few hours. I think it's happened once or twice since being off the adderall as well.

[ShadowGX]

Since your current doctor isn't providing you with a solution that you feel is right for you, you can always seek a second opinion (and I would in your case, if for nothing else but the peace of mind that two docs agree).

Might be worth a note that we can only do so much to help you here, but I do hope someone is able to give you some info to help you. I tried to hit up Google for you but I'm not familiar enough with this stuff to really know what to look for and it's best left to a doctor anyways.