Would my therapist tell me if I was in an abusive relationship?

MikiMoto · Aug 03, 2018 at 07:12 AM

Hi All,

I left my husband close to a year ago, but am still trying to make sense of exactly what the dynamic of our relationship was.

We had been together for 10 years, things becoming quite toxic for the last couple of years. There were definitely times when he would be verbally and emotionally abusive, but I don’t know that our relationship fit the criteria of an “abusive relationship” in the traditional sense. He was became an alcoholic, so the last year together was quite bad and these abusive moments increased.

I had been seeing a marriage counsellor for around the last 3 years of our marriage, largely by myself - ex refused to go.

I guess my question is, would my therapist tell me if she thought I was in an abusive relationship? Or would she more likely steer me towards working this out for myself? I sometimes find myself thinking that what I experienced wasn’t so bad, as she never actually referred to it as an abusive relationship

Thanks in advance,
M

CantExplain · Aug 03, 2018 at 08:17 AM

More important than the label is the effect it had on you.
But I can understand why you want your opinion validated.

WishfulThinker66 · Aug 03, 2018 at 09:33 AM

I would want some validation too. I got it. the marriage counsellor came right out and told my then husband to grow up that he was being an a.s.s. She then turned to me and just like Dr. Phil asked how it was working for me.

mote.of.soul · Aug 03, 2018 at 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikiMoto

...I guess my question is, would my therapist tell me if she thought I was in an abusive relationship? Or would she more likely steer me towards working this out for myself? I sometimes find myself thinking that what I experienced wasn’t so bad, as she never actually referred to it as an abusive relationship

Thanks in advance,
M

Hi. Generally, I think a therapist would only tell you if they thought it was an abusive relationship, if you asked for their opinion on the matter. But, yes, ideally the therapist would probably want you to arrive at that conclusion yourself or at whatever conclusion would help you toward best resolving your problems. That's my basic view.

healingme4me · Aug 03, 2018 at 07:46 PM

It's hard to say? I'm trying to think on whether any therapist that I've had ever point blank told me that I was being abused? The current one perhaps not, as we only graze Upton the child support payment issue and discuss other topics, I mean it's been 8 years since the divorce. The one during the time of my marriage did steer me towards alanon or maybe encouraged my attendance as there was a brochure in his office? I was trying to unravel apron strings from my mom who was super dependent on me during the same time frame.
Now the therapist after him due to insurance changes, he was more in helping me see various angles. The dv during that time was labelled as such.
Maybe steering away from labels is about encouraging empowerment as opposed to defining oneself into the label?

The word choice in "became an alcoholic" during a given time frame piques my curiosity?

MikiMoto · Aug 04, 2018 at 06:00 AM

Thank you everyone for your responses, I appreciate you taking the time.
I think that it is mainly around validation, why I would like my therapist to confirm what I experienced.

Healingme4me, what you said about labels resonated with me and has helped me to see things from a different perspective.
My ex was always a bit of a binge drinker, but I think it morphed into being a coping mechanism to deal with an unhappy marriage. It (alcoholism) is gradually destroying his life now - he has lost just about everything.

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CantExplain Big Poppa Member Since Oct 2011 Location: New Zealand Posts: 19,616 (SuperPoster!) 12 19.7k hugs given	Aug 03, 2018 at 08:17 AM #2 More important than the label is the effect it had on you. But I can understand why you want your opinion validated. __________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
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WishfulThinker66 Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Canada Posts: 2,285 5 117 hugs given	Aug 03, 2018 at 09:33 AM #3 I would want some validation too. I got it. the marriage counsellor came right out and told my then husband to grow up that he was being an a.s.s. She then turned to me and just like Dr. Phil asked how it was working for me.
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