Hi, I experience traits of Borderline Personaitly Disorder.
The reason why I writing on this forum is it seems you get more response here than say BPD forum. That’s what I have experienced anyway.

So with BPD I know a lot of it is to do with interpersonal relationships skills.
For me well I always find it difficult not to think black and white of a person.
Sometimes I don’t realise I’m doing it or I make assumptions and spin a story of that and I get caught up in it and well...it can be upsetting for me.

Anyway, my therapist and my pervious therapist said I have high intuition.
I don’t know if other people who experience BPD have a high intuition. Also my current therapist and the therapist at the group say I “listen” which they said it’s quite rare. Which I don’t fully understand why that’s “rare?” Maybe someone’s here can fill me in what means?

So my issue I have is people.
I been going to a art club and I been enjoying it. I became there Facebook admin. Because I asked I needed volunteering work since my therapist encouraged me too. To expose myself to people and my sensitivity to rejection.
It went well but I found myself having feelings for the person incharged in the art club. I felt guilty because I’m already in a realtionship. I didn’t act out my feelings because it go against my values.
I did felt lonely because I have no friends. I use to have these “friends” but realised they were toxic people and were invalidating, judemental people.
So I use to message a bit to art person incharged just talking about art or Facebook page.

In saying this two new girls came and a guy, there friend invited them to our art club. It was ok, but one of the girls the first day she came she brought cookies in. I thought they were hers and she was just sharing them around. But then I notice she wasn’t eating them. She also asked what my name was and I told her and she said it was beautiful name. I felt she was being over friendly and I felt suspicious. The next fellowing weeks a month or 2 she brought in cookies every week. Whenever someone said they were good she would say they were horrible or disgusting. Which I thought was odd.

My therapist did told me when people bake or make food for people. People instantly approve of them. Which I found interesting but at the same time anyone can fool someone by giving food and they turn out to be a mean person.

I too notice from observing she was being very friendly to the art guy incharged.
I did notice this intense feeling of envious or angry. I didn’t act out my feelings, just notice how strong it was which I felt annoyed by my emotions. Because they were distracting me.

I couldn’t shake it off something was going on. For example we were painting and the girl and the guy were in another room fixing paint brushes. She was new and she doesn’t know how to fix paint brushes so I was like huh?
Why wasn’t I taught how to fix brushes? I been here longer?

The art club went to another art club for a day trip. I didn’t go due to my social anxiety.
I didn’t told the art guy incharged because he wouldn’t understand about mental illness and probably judge me for it. Well that’s what I have experienced. Once you tell someone I have this they start to treat you differently.
So I received the photos from one of art club members to put on Facebook and I notice in each photos they were together and body language etc. though his body language didn’t show interest accept for her. After trip I message the art guy incharged how it went and he told me and I asked is there a thing between new girl and him because if so I find it cute and he said “ahaha not that I’m aware of, then again I do have the emotional intelligence of a rock”

Then I notice rescently she stopped liking my post on Facebook art group. I began to worry she doesn’t like me and probably thinks I like the art guy incharged, which I dont anymore. (Then she gossip about me and apmake everyone go against me. (Yes people have done that to me in the past. Not me liking someone. )But talking behind my back and people believe gossip and everyone hates me ) The feelings went away and realised well he is younger than me and he seems kinda controlling. One of my experience was he asked me to sort out the maths prices we were ordering art gear from overseas I did it and he kept checking it. And saying but this isn’t right etc. he even told me he doesn’t have time to do it but he had time to check it. At the end he got someone else to do it. I felt really unappreciated and monitored. I recalled how he always now and then tell me when to post stuff on Facebook. Or how he would introduce me to this other art teacher and how he offer to drive me there. My partner thought that was werid. I did too abit.
I thought and did asked my therapist maybe he is one of those controlling freak men. I did asked a
Anyway I got worried about that ,and I had to go to a art class to take photos and that new girl was there . We spoke I mention how I’m engaged and she wanted to know and I asked being curious is she going out with anyone? She said she going out with the art guy incharged. For some reason I felt a hot flash on my face , I only get that when I feel fear or anxious. Haven’t felt it in years. I shock myself with my intuition. I told her I knew it and I told her how I knew for ages and she try to figure out how I knew. I couldn’t really explain it because it’s a feeling and it’s observing visually body language etc. Then she told me how she asked him out etc. I’m thinking well...if this realtionship goes boom then gonna make club feel werid.

So as I was taking photos the art guy incharged ask how I was and I asked cheekily how are you and the new girl ? and he said to me well like I said I’m a emotional rock I haven’t lied to you. Which is werid because the new girl told me they are going out and dating.

What I find werid is that at the art club they don’t show any emotional connection. I notice they are distance now than before when she was firlting with him.

I guess what I’m upset about I feel lied too it really bothers me.
I thought I could trust the incharged guy and I thought we were work friends but he seems to lie and not be honest. I feel I can’t trust him anymore. It feels manipulative in a way “I haven’t lied to you” I just kinda glare at him thinking “oh yeah, I know you are lying. “

To be frank I don’t really want to go back either. Even though it’s my only social outlet there.

[MickeyCheeky]

It sounds like a rather complicated situation. I'm sorry