Signs you are overstaying your welcome

I am just curious, how can you tell if you are overstaying your welcome, especially if your friend still lives with your parents? Sometimes when I am over at a friend’s house, I will help with certain things like setting the table or cleaning up after a dinner if there is one. This helps and they like it when I do this. It is appreciated. But sometimes I wonder if there are times where I could be overstaying my welcome even though I never invite myself.

Anyone know how to tell if someone is subtly sending signals that they need a break from me being over? I’m sure if someone was short with you constantly, that would indicate a sign but if someone is not short with you and hides it, then it may be more difficult. I don’t spend every day there but I just like to be careful at times since we do hang out a few times a week.

I struggle with this myself! It depends on the situation. Such as with my sister friend she doesn't have the clue and don't really care that she overstayed her welcome. Sometime it just little things like coming over multiple times throughout the day and assuming that your welcome over, calling every hour. Ask yourself if your being toxic to the relationship? Or you could ask if they feel that you over welcome your stay? Have they said something to you? Sometime you can tell by telling way person act if they are being cold toward you. It could be a sign.

Oh wow, yeah I definitely don’t do what your sister’s friend does which is ignoring the signs. I pay close attention. Yeah I don’t go over multiple times in a day and never assume I am welcome. They never act cold and no one has said anything but yeah I am careful. I am never toxic either and never invite myself. It is just more of a worrh and yeah I could ask. Although I have asked my friend and made sure my friend’s parents are okay at times with it when it is just me and her because parents could get annoyed faster than friends but she says they are fine. I am still careful though.

Aslong as you are invited and contribute in the way you do I don't see that there would be much of a problem. Clearly though this question is of concern. I then would simply ask and exactly as you have posted it here, "Am I overstaying my welcome?"

So I am thinking of situations I have been in where someone in fact was overstaying their welcom. It was when my sons were older teenagers. Our house seemed to be that house full of teenagers. Well the friends of my one son were gracious and I enjoyed having them over. They were polite and always quick to lend a hand - even with preparing dinner. The friends of my stepson however were users. Never once did they offer to help or do anything. What's more they expected it be done for them. Well I wouldn't have that after a while and simply told them off and invited them never to come back again.

Again, since you are obviously in the first category and nothing has been said to you I would assume you are on a positive footing. Keep up the offering to help. It goes amazingly far.

Oh wow well I'm glad your son had helpful friends and glad you got rid of the ones that were users. Yeah I am like how your son's friends were. I help prepare dinner, clean up, even help decorate or take down decorations and contribute to anything else going on. I never expect anything.

I think you are a wonderful person and I am sure your hosts think so too. If this was not the way, they would have spoken to you about it long ago. If it were me, I'd be very appreciative of you and you would be a welcome guest to have. Keep it up. If I was either of your parents I would be proud for raising you right.

Thank you.

I agree with what you said about my sister friend. You probably have nothing to worry about.

That is great advice!. Sometimes people don't always know that they are not welcome..

I had an ex-friend who parent didn't want her to have any friends and start being hateful toward all of her friends. They thought I was user because I had call and she had invite me out. I had no way to get there so she offer to take come by. I always paid for gas and always thank them everytime.

Yeah true.

Yeah I agree.

Sometimes that happens. Sometimes a friend likes you over but not the parents. At least you helped your friend with gas.

In order for me to avoid that feeling either by overstaying my welcome or having someone else overstay their welcome I try to be a good house guest. Even if I am not told anything (unless I am a guest far away from my home and need to fly out, get a ride somwhere) I practice being a "good guest". I had a friend that for awhile we would spend enormous amounts of time together during the days when our kids were little. She never seemed to care whether I stayed all day and all night or just two hours. We got along but what I found was that being so emeshed in each other's day to day lives made it hard for both of us to be comfortable on our own. (she wasnt ultimately a good friend in the end-another story) but I learned to make myself go home at certain points even if I didnt think she minded me being around. I set the time frame when I arrived.." I can only stay a couple of hours until xxo'clock because I have to go do laundry".. this helped me establish a boundary and let her know that she would still have her own time. It may seem rude but I think ultimately the other person will appreciate it. And I do too.. when the reverse has been true where someone came to see me I really appreciated when they stated how long they would stay or I made it clear that I had to do something at a certain time so they would have to leave. This is actually a healthy relationship. My relationship with that friend of mine ultimately was not healthy and I had to end it. Setting boundaries is hard and can feel foreign to us when we are not used to setting them. I believe they are the key to a healthy happy relationship with anyone. It gets easier the more times you do it. So, long story short-practice being a good friend or guest by premptively stating when you will be leaving in order to prepare the friend or let them know you do not expect to stay until you are asked to leave.

I think if nobody is telling you that, rdgrad15, and if you're even helping out in the house, then you have nothing to worry about. I don't see any reason you should be overstaying your welcome. And if they do have a problem, they can always speak up to you. So I wouldn't worry too much about it. Sending many hugs to you

You sound like a great house guest. I am the same way. I am with my friend and her family a lot and they even sometimes say I can stay even longer when I am about to leave. Sometimes I accept but other times I will still leave so they don’t get sick of me and can get some alone time.

Thank you and I agree. In some cases even when I am about to leave they will invite me to stay longer but at times I still go home though so they can get some alone time. But yes me helping out does help with me staying for long periods of time in the long run since I am actually doing stuff instead of just doing nothing.

Sometimes it is the silence that has us second guessing ourselves. I am like that at work. I hear nothing about my performance and thus assume it must be poor when the opposite all along is true and it finally took some sort of event or situation to finally hear it. So, I would still try to set your mind straight. "Gee are you okay with my hanging out?" "What can I do to assist you?" "Are you okay with my dropping by _____?"

Also, are you able to contribute in other ways? If you are there primarily over meal times then what if you were to say buy some groceries? Are you in a position to have these people over to your own place? It doesn't have to be dinner. It can be a simple as coffee, snacks, or drinks (if you are so inclined). I am an artist. While I went through a rough patch with depression I was helped by a family. I gave them one of my pieces as a thank you. Are you able at all to do the same?

Yes exactly. Totally agree with you.

My house is open any time to family, so it's usual for anyone to wander into our lounge unless they prefer their own comapny in our Quiet Room. Generally when one is invited to visit a friend's in the village, then I'll time my duration of stay only as long as the mug of coffee.


Sensing when it's time to go is pretty normal for me as I know all my friends have varying levels of attention. I've never outstayed my welcome. I get knowing how how long I can stay, unless a friend is asking me to help them with something.

Yeah I agree with you. Being able to sense it is easy. As long as you’re able to pick up on subtle vibes and cues.