When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty seats

rdgrad15 · Apr 23, 2019, 07:37 AM

I do not drive so I take public transit a lot. Subway and buses for various reasons, usually to meet with a friend. One thing I hate is when random strangers sit next to me when there are lots of empty seats available where they could easily have the row to themselves. I don't sit in the handicap seats in order to avoid inconveniencing a elderly person or someone who is disabled. I just find it weird when someone sits next to me while there are plenty of other options. I don't like it regardless, but I am more accepting and understanding when it is a crowded bus and someone has to sit next to me. Does anyone else hate it when someone sits next to them on a subway or bus?

In a way, I feel like it is proper etiquette to not invade someone's space unless you have to. If I walk onto a crowded bus, I always stand if there are no empty rows since I know a lot of other people hate it when random strangers sit next to them. I can see the looks on their faces and some will even go as far as to sit in the aisle seat to prevent anyone from sitting next to them. That may be going a little too far if it is a crowded bus. I never do that. But I still find it uncomfortable and weird when there are lots of other empty seats that they can have themselves but choose to sit next to me instead. This usually happens on the bus. On the subway, I usually sit in the single seats so I almost never have that problem. What do you think about sitting next to others or vise versa when there are plenty of other options available? Just wondered.

sarahsweets · Apr 23, 2019, 09:26 AM

I hate it. No matter if the train is full. I mean I understand when the train is full but if there are plenty of open seats I might move if its not too hard. I am very careful about my personal space.

unaluna · Apr 23, 2019, 09:52 AM

Then it depends. Are they crazier than me? If they look like they might stab me, i will smile and leave them alone. Otherwise i will assume they sat there cuz they wanted to talk. I can almost always talk. They wont make that mistake again!

WishfulThinker66 · Apr 23, 2019, 12:48 PM

Sorry but I do this all the time. I have always done so in an effort to be hospitable and inclusive. It saddens me that such an effort be looked upon negatively when I'm actually being nice

catsullivan91 · Apr 23, 2019, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Sorry but I do this all the time. I have always done so in an effort to be hospitable and inclusive. It saddens me that such an effort be looked upon negatively when I'm actually being nice

While I understand your intentions, anxiety has no logic. I just don't like people being too close to me.

rdgrad15 · Apr 23, 2019, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I hate it. No matter if the train is full. I mean I understand when the train is full but if there are plenty of open seats I might move if its not too hard. I am very careful about my personal space.

I agree and I’m the same way. I understand too if the bus or subway is full but there is no excuse when there are plenty of seats available. And yeah in some cases if I have to sit next to someone, I will move too if more seats open up.

rdgrad15 · Apr 23, 2019, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Then it depends. Are they crazier than me? If they look like they might stab me, i will smile and leave them alone. Otherwise i will assume they sat there cuz they wanted to talk. I can almost always talk. They wont make that mistake again!

Yeah some people like to talk.

rdgrad15 · Apr 23, 2019, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Sorry but I do this all the time. I have always done so in an effort to be hospitable and inclusive. It saddens me that such an effort be looked upon negatively when I'm actually being nice

Yeah I can see how you want to be nice. Which is good. But unfortunately most people don’t like it. At least don’t like having someone sit next to them when they clearly don’t have to. Even if someone does have to sit next to someone on the bus, I have seen some people give a sigh of annoyance. I never do that, I understand some people will be forced to sit next to me. But others are not so forgiving.

WishfulThinker66 · Apr 23, 2019, 03:08 PM

You see I have always viewed the opposite as being unfortunate and unfriendly. I have seen the efforts made not to sit by people as offensive. Maybe this comes from having grown up feeling no one wanted to sit by me. I took people taking seats away from me as appallingly mean - there must be something wrong with me that they don't want to sit beside me. So I guess that is why I make a point of sitting next to people on public transit. I do so not to make them uncomfortable but rather the opposite. It is my way of indicating I accept them. A shame to learn this kind effort is backfiring.

I ask those of you of the mindset this is rude to consider the possible true intent of the next person who sits down beside you. Are they trying to be actually nice and observe some social etiquette perhaps?

unaluna · Apr 23, 2019, 03:17 PM

Yeah youre entering somebodys personal space. I recently saw idk on tv or at the movies people getting crowded together on like a Japanese subway train? And just watching it on tv i felt claustrophobic!

It is a shame that my first reaction to someone sitting near me is, i hope this person doesnt stab me.

rdgrad15 · Apr 23, 2019, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

You see I have always viewed the opposite as being unfortunate and unfriendly. I have seen the efforts made not to sit by people as offensive. Maybe this comes from having grown up feeling no one wanted to sit by me. I took people taking seats away from me as appallingly mean - there must be something wrong with me that they don't want to sit beside me. So I guess that is why I make a point of sitting next to people on public transit. I do so not to make them uncomfortable but rather the opposite. It is my way of indicating I accept them. A shame to learn this kind effort is backfiring.

I ask those of you of the mindset this is rude to consider the possible true intent of the next person who sits down beside you. Are they trying to be actually nice and observe some social etiquette perhaps?

It probably varies in different locations with different social norms. Most people don’t talk even when they sit next to me or someone else. That is nice that you want to make others feel good though.

rdgrad15 · Apr 23, 2019, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Yeah youre entering somebodys personal space. I recently saw idk on tv or at the movies people getting crowded together on like a Japanese subway train? And just watching it on tv i felt claustrophobic!

It is a shame that my first reaction to someone sitting near me is, i hope this person doesnt stab me.

I’ve seen that too. Yeah it looks claustrophobic. It sometimes happens on the subway where I live but not to that extent and only on special occasions.

catsullivan91 · Apr 23, 2019, 03:28 PM

I think for me, with my claustrophobia and anxiety it's just a bit too intense for me. If you maybe sat a seat or two away instead of right next to me that'd be great. We can still talk but I don't feel overwhelmed.

lightly toasted · Apr 23, 2019, 06:50 PM

It is common knowledge in the western world, that sitting next to someone on public transport when there are other seats available is incredibly rude. I find it very hard to believe that someone who grew up in North America, Australia or the UK as examples would not know this. Exceptions would be, someone who is intellectually disabled, or from a far different culture.

Public transport is the adult world. It is not the yellow school bus or a singles mixer, and adult manners apply.

To assume someone would be crestfallen if you did not sit next to them, in a public space, when there are other seats available is shockingly conceited. It's not friendly, it's controlling, and it's putting your desires and needs above the other passenger's.

rdgrad15 · Apr 23, 2019, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by catsullivan91

I think for me, with my claustrophobia and anxiety it's just a bit too intense for me. If you maybe sat a seat or two away instead of right next to me that'd be great. We can still talk but I don't feel overwhelmed.

Yeah I agree. At least one empty seat in between me and someone else is way better.

rdgrad15 · Apr 23, 2019, 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lightly toasted

It is common knowledge in the western world, that sitting next to someone on public transport when there are other seats available is incredibly rude. I find it very hard to believe that someone who grew up in North America, Australia or the UK as examples would not know this. Exceptions would be, someone who is intellectually disabled, or from a far different culture.

Public transport is the adult world. It is not the yellow school bus or a singles mixer, and adult manners apply.

To assume someone would be crestfallen if you did not sit next to them, in a public space, when there are other seats available is shockingly conceited. It's not friendly, it's controlling, and it's putting your desires and needs above the other passenger's.

Yeah I agree. I know when I have been forced to sot next to someone and then I moved once an empty seat was available where I wouldn’t be by someone, I can be you a hundred dollars the person I was originally sitting next to was thinking thank you for moving, now I can have space. I know I’ve thought that so others definitely will. And I actually get very uncomfortable and anxious when seats open up and someone who is next to me won’t move.

eskielover · Apr 24, 2019, 10:18 AM

Lol....if they are a talker they probably sense I'm one too. I have had some totally awesome conversations with people I don't know that way.
I never force conversations by talking to them. A nod to acknowledge they are there. If they like to talk great....I am usually open for talking. Otherwise a nice quiet ride is good too.

Maybe that started as a child when I rode the train chair car from Los Angeles to Topeka every summer. Long boring ride just sitting there without talking to anyone even with books to read.

Medusax · Apr 24, 2019, 10:53 AM

I currently do not take public transport because there isn't any in this little town, but I have had this happen. Also it has happened in restaurants, the classroom, etc. I am such that I will simply get up and move. I mean. A bus with the seating capacity for 55, and there are 5 people on the bus. Like my apron at work has written on it... Go. Away.

rdgrad15 · Apr 24, 2019, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

Lol....if they are a talker they probably sense I'm one too. I have had some totally awesome conversations with people I don't know that way.
I never force conversations by talking to them. A nod to acknowledge they are there. If they like to talk great....I am usually open for talking. Otherwise a nice quiet ride is good too.

Maybe that started as a child when I rode the train chair car from Los Angeles to Topeka every summer. Long boring ride just sitting there without talking to anyone even with books to read.

Yeah I don’t force it either.

rdgrad15 · Apr 24, 2019, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusax

I currently do not take public transport because there isn't any in this little town, but I have had this happen. Also it has happened in restaurants, the classroom, etc. I am such that I will simply get up and move. I mean. A bus with the seating capacity for 55, and there are 5 people on the bus. Like my apron at work has written on it... Go. Away.

Yeah it drives me crazy.

Mopey · Apr 24, 2019, 10:31 PM

This is a perfect example of the basic disconnect between introverts and extroverts. It's interesting to see that both mean well; they just are - or should I say WE are - at cross purposes from the getgo.

unaluna · Apr 24, 2019, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mopey

This is a perfect example of the basic disconnect between introverts and extroverts. It's interesting to see that both mean well; they just are - or should I say WE are - at cross purposes from the getgo.

Like they say - theres two kinds of people in the world:
people who think theres two kinds of people in the world,

and people who dont!

rdgrad15 · Apr 24, 2019, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mopey

This is a perfect example of the basic disconnect between introverts and extroverts. It's interesting to see that both mean well; they just are - or should I say WE are - at cross purposes from the getgo.

Yeah some people may feel differently.