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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: California
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#21
This is a perfect example of the basic disconnect between introverts and extroverts. It's interesting to see that both mean well; they just are - or should I say WE are - at cross purposes from the getgo.
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Open Eyes
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rdgrad15, unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#22
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people who think theres two kinds of people in the world, and people who dont! |
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Open Eyes
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catsullivan91, rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
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#23
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#24
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: California
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#25
Well, yeah, we're all people. But would you agree that there are, shall we say, subdivisions?
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rdgrad15
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#26
Sorry - my last comment about the two kinds of people was an old joke.
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#27
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Magnate
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#28
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#29
Just get up and move and give them a dirty look. They are being rude. Also who knows what their motives are. I’ve heard of a lot of crime starting this way on public transit.
I haven’t had this happen recently but when I would be waiting my for therapist it would happen sometimes while other times the look I would give them would be enough for them not to sit by me. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#30
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#31
I take the train every day and most days I have to get squished in on a three seater.
I am just used to being squished up against a total stranger but I really think I should be able to report as sexual assault when a guy (and it is always a guy) falls sleep on me. First, there is something about that which is so intimate, sort of using my body heat to relax, that it creeps me out. I also feel that strangers should refrain from showing me how they are using my body essence to feel better. I know it is just me but it is really everything I can do not to punch any guy who does this. Then you have the people who insist on sitting next to you but then squirm the entire time like they will die of scurvy if they "touch" you... for a second. Then why sit down? |
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unaluna
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#32
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#33
I understand your discomfort. It would seem a bit odd to me if someone sat right next to me if there were many empty rows of seats available. Personal space is to be respected, especially in some cultures. Other cultures not as much. That's something to consider.
I agree with another poster that if you feel very uncomfortable, there is a suave way to move. Maybe smile at the person and say "Oh, I'll give you more room, if you like" and then swiftly move elsewhere. If they say you don't have to, just say "No, no, I'm going to move", and swiftly do so, firmly saying "Excuse me", if needed. Or maybe say "I'm going to be getting off at the next stop, so I'll let you have more space", then walk towards the subway/train door and sit closer to it after 30 seconds, or even move to a different train car. If a train/subway if full, you're going to have to accept the person next to you. You can always still get up and stand. That's you're right. Sometimes I've moved in these cases, especially if the person stinks, seems annoying, intimidating, or similar. Trains I take to NYC, or the campus buses I used to take when I was in college, were often extremely crowded. I actually didn't mind at all. I like being near people, usually, but I don't invade strangers' spaces. I do remember always sitting right up against my sister growing up. She'd usually elbow me and yell at me to move over. Yea, some people like that comfort. I do remember at college spotting this guy I had been enamored with. I sat right across from him deliberately and smiled at him. We exchanged a few words. Nothing came of it, but I was smiling for the rest of the day. |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#34
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Member
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#35
Hi rdgrad15,
This happens quite a bit in my university environment also, where there's a melting pot of people, from the completely considerate to the downright intrusive. I try not to be too finicky about things involving personal space, but I do get uncomfortable if a stranger stands too close or someone sits next to me with plenty of other seats around. Why this happened to me the other day in my class. Lol This classmate who has often tried to engage me and ask me questions during lecture asked if she could sit next to me with several seats available in our row, and I just plain told her to sit somewhere else so I could have extra space to multi-task between lecture and a tough final project. Other times when people sit next to me without permission in common areas, I get up and move to a more uncrowded location, no if's and's or but's about it. You have every right to desire plenty of personal space in common areas, and in your case, you already do a good job respecting those same desires in others. __________________ DX'd Moderate GAD and depression in April 2021. But it is only a part of me, not defining me. "If you can dream it you can do it!" ~ Walt Disney |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#36
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DazedandConfused254
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DazedandConfused254
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#37
Maybe you could put your backpack or whatever on the seat next to you so they will either think you are saving the seat for someone or just plain don’t want anyone sitting next to you?
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#38
Yeah I’ve done that but it only goes so far. Eventually I will have to move my stuff if it gets too crowded.
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Grand Member
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Location: Arkansas
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#39
__________________ I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world. |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#40
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